DD's friends were suspended
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 11-05-2007 - 7:21am |
A boy who is not really a friend of my DD (more a friend of a friend, and someone who a couple of her bffs "crush"), was suspended from school for 5 days last week for selling hash brownies in the hallway. ((STUPID,STUPID,STUPID)) The student (9th grade girl) he sold them to was "caught" by a teacher and gave up his name. When he came back (Friday), the tone among some 11th graders was "that kid's gonna pay" - and they went to find her. Apparently they were yelling and threatening her in the 9th grade hallway, and were (again) caught by a teacher. DD and her one consistently sane friend walked in the opposite direction when they figured out what was happening, but two other friends were among the yellers, and are now suspended for one day. No news yet on what happened the the original drug seller - I guess DD will find out today what his punishment is.
UGH - I tried very hard not to say "you need new friends" which is what it feels like. DD didn't want to talk to DH about it over the weekend, because she knew that's what he would say and didn't want to hear it. SO, I talked to him, and told him "she knows these aren't the greatest friends, but can't hear it from us right now" and he laughed (phew! I wasn't sure if he'd laugh or yell). Anyway, she's very upset - feels torn between loyalty to friends and feeling let down by them at the same time. And, really angry at them - she feels like everything this year is building a colleg app, and suspension shouldn't be part of it.
Now I'm hoping that DH doens't come down too heavy on her as they walk to the subway this am.


Pages
Thanks to all who responded!
I was thinking more of innate personality than behavior, I suppose. I agree that parents can parent their kids the same way and end up with entirely different 'products'. They do have free will, after all!
No, I definitely dont subscribe to the bad kids must have bad parents theory(not with a son like DS2)
But the fact same DS is drawn to little kids in such a nurturing way? I think that would be an apple/tree scenario. Or the fact Rose and Sue are in nurturing professions and tend to look for the wounded sparrow and have managed to have kids who appear to do the same. Not everyone can look beneath the surface of a troubled kid.
I had to re-read Windrush's reply a few times. I was never good with, and don't like cliches, being the straightfwd person I am. (Also, I have an East Indian DH who tries to use cliches and always messes up, sending me into fits of laughter.) I did come away from it thinking the quality Windrush was referring to is the nurturing, and not the bad seed.
(I'll never forget a discussion 30+ years ago, in our English lit. class in college--the only college English class I ever took-- when the instructor was suggesting that one of the characters in Moll Flanders was a lesbian. I could not figure out why people had to read things into what was not printed on the page. Guess that's why I ended up in math/sci rather than humanities.)
Maybe idioms is the correct term, rather than cliches--I don't know and don't care, LOL!
-----------------------------------------------
http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
Well, being a physcist with graduate degrees, I would have to agree with you concerning cliches. I am a very concrete logical thinker.
The cliches "the apple does not fall far from the tree" is actually more valid or not. Before people scream at me, please bear with me. It goes far more deeper than just bad kid/good kid issues. Our genetic make-up influences how we process and react to our environment. And we inherit our genes from our parents. Hence, the apple does not fall far from the tree in that regard. We have to deal with our genetic heritage and that of our kids.
There are very few bad kids. There are kids who have made poor decisions. That's all. And even with the best of intentions, kids still make poor decisions. Yes, we have free will but that free will is influenced by our "biology".
You know, the older I get, the more I see the truth of this observation. It is amazing to witness the same 'personality patterns" being repeated across the generations.
The trick is to try to understand and try to adjust parenting according. Easier said than done especially when two strong willed people are butting heads. I have tried to do this,with various degrees of success by trying to understand my and my husband's genetic heritage.
Some kids are easier to parent because of their genetics; some kids are harder. Some kids are geneticaly more risk takers; some kids are genetically more timid. Some kids are tall; some kids are not.... This is not to say that we are destined to be who we are by our genetics. It just means that some kids are genetically more difficult to parent.
<>
Thank you. I agree and hope Rose and Sue were not offended by my statement. It was meant as a compliment to the fact they are tolerant souls who have a knack for seeing the good underneath an autistic child or the charming personality hidden by senility. Not everyone can do that!
Edited 11/7/2007 10:46 am ET by windrush54
Pages