DD's Health - A Long Vent
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| Thu, 05-03-2007 - 1:46pm |
I am so frustrated that I just need to vent somewhere! DD17 has had health problems since she was a little girl. One thing after the next. Several years ago she was diagnosed with chronic gastritis which isn't life threatening or anything but it makes dd's life miserable. She always feels sick to her stomach and can't eat anything anymore. Mornings are the most painful for her but her stomach usually starts to feel a little better around 11am and then she is able to nibble on saltines and then by late afternoon she can function pretty well. But at 6am it is turning into a huge battle to get her up and to get her to school. After dealing with this for years the one thing I have discovered with DD is that I have to keep pushing her or she will just roll over and give up. She was a whole grade level behind in 8th grade because that is exactly what happened and we had to spend thousands of dollars at a learning center to get her back were she needed to be because the school offered her no extra help. Every morning she begs me to stay home and every morning I say no because she knows she will start to feel better soon and that she is so close to losing her credits in 4 of her classes and she just has to keep fighting. Once she is in school then I get the text messages begging me to come and pick her up and I again tell her that I know it hurts but it will be better soon and to try and wait it out. I can tell when she absolutely can't take it anymore and then I will pick her up early from school which has happened 3 times in the past 2 weeks.
I get so frustrated because she has tried many different prescriptions and nothing seems to help her. Every time she starts to get better and deal with this better it only lasts a few months before she has the next relapse. The doctors don't seem to understand why she gets this way but they constantly ask about a surgery she had when she was 7 where she had to have one of her ovaries removed due to a very large dermoid cyst. The drs don't seem to think there is any connection with her current problem but it makes me wonder why they always question me so extensively about it. She just started a new prescription, reglan, which is supposed to help her nauseouness and also make her stomach feel empty so she can eat because she can't eat anything anymore! She's a tiny little thing at 5'3" weighing a hundred lbs and she doesn't need to be losing anymore weight.
Well DD's stomach has been getting so bad lately and last night I lost it. I completely blew up. She was at her friends house and she told me she was eating there but apparently they didn't because her bf picked her and her friend up and on the way to my house the bf stopped and picked up Taco Bell for himself and the friend. She can't eat that and I guess he is getting a bit frustrated with her special eating needs that she has because when she asked him to stop at subway so she could get a turkey and wheat sandwich he refused because he didn't want to spend $5 on a sandwich when Taco Bell was only .99 a taco and she didn't have any money on her at the time because she left her purse at home. So when they got to the house she was searching for something that she could eat and then when she decided not to eat anything I just blew up. I was furius that her bf, who she's been with for a year and a half, refused to stop for her especially since subway is a block from our house and if he didn't have enough money then he could have easily taken an extra 30 seconds to come to the house so she could get her purse and for some reason I just saw red and lost it. So after I started screaming the house down about how sick she was and that she hardly eats anything as it is I made her a bowl of rice where she ended up eating about 3 tablespoons. My DH was also angry but he could tell I was at my breaking point so he suggested I go to my friend's house until I cooled off which I did. Only to have DD sick again this morning and going through our morning ritual of fighting again. As she was crying in the car she informed me that she needed to call out sick from work tonight and I said that was fine but I wanted her to try and make it through school. She then tells me that her bf would be coming over cuz she needed him and I said no way. I understand that mornings are horrible for her but they are no picnic for me either. It kills me to see her like this and I feel like a horrible, insensitive mother for not letting her stay in bed every morning. And I never used to punish her (that's how she sees this) by not letting a friend or her bf stop by when she was sick because she's been sick so often but I've had it. She has no idea how my insides twist in knots every time I see that pale look on her face or how I just want to cry when I notice her eyes are starting to look sunken in or that I just want to run to her and wrap my arms around her when she is crying and asking me to come and take her home from school. But if she is too sick to stay in school or to sick to go to work then she is too sick to have company I don't care if she does feel better at night. Now she keeps text messaging me that she feels horrible and just needs her bf tonight cuz he wants to take care of her. Like he took care of her last night by refusing to stop so she could get food that she could actually eat?? Well I just got off the phone with her GI and she'll be spending her afternoon at the doctor's instead. I try not to talk too much about her health problems with anyone and I try to deal with this and act as though everything is normal but I just feel like I'm at my breaking point and don't know how to handle this anymore. Sorry for the long vent but thanks for listening.

Oh you poor thing.
I'm so sorry you and your DD are going through this - how scary. I hope the dr has good advice for you. Chronic illness is hard on everyone - you, your DD, and her friends.
This may be off the wall, but is there any possibility that there's a psychological component to her illness? "My stomach hurts so much I can't go to school" is probably the most common thing said to mothers in the morning. I don't mean to diminish your DD's discomfort/pain, but there's no way for anyone (you or doctor) to know for sure what she's feeling (pain is subjective and personal). Some of the way she's handling this sounds a little manipulative - calling, texting, saying she's eating and then not. Even if the gastritis is real, a counselor/psychologist might help all of you deal with it in a more productive way.
As I was reading your post 2 things came to mind that I wanted to let you know about:
1.