dd's relationship-again

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
dd's relationship-again
Sat, 11-05-2011 - 3:16am

Hi everyone,

I've posted on here before about my 16 yr old dd's relationship with a guy who doesn't treat her all that well (things like not paying any attention to her, etc. Nothing major, but lots of little things that show that he is much more important to her than vice versa) Well, two months ago he broke up with her and it really broke her heart. In the last few weeks, they have been getting together but are not back together. She wants to but he still doesn't. When they spend time together it's at his house or out somewhere. Not at our house because 1) even when they were together they rarely came here - laziness on his part (he's very lazy, no job no school) and 2)now he's even less likely to come here because he knows we don't like him (only since the break up - before that we did like him and were friendly to him, even though we could see he wasn't the best boyfriend). She was starting to get over the breakup and feeling like life goes on, and then he came sort of back into the picture, but not enough to have an exclusive relationship with her. But he says he still loves her.

My question is, I kind of want to talk to him and tell him that he is getting her hopes up and she has already been hurt (more than once by him) and that he needs to be careful with peoples feelings. I want to tell DD that she can't go there anymore until I talk to him. What do you all think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 11-05-2011 - 3:11pm

I have to agree with the others. I think he knows exactly what he's doing - he's using your dd until someone better (in his opinion) comes along. I don't think a heart to heart about being careful of others' feelings is going to help because I don't think he cares at this point. Do you know his parents? Are they well chaperoned at his house? I think at this point I'd only let them see each other at your house with you and/or your dh present. If he doesn't want to come over - well, that tells you right there what he thinks of her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Sat, 11-05-2011 - 2:47pm

ITA with this. He is jerking her around. Mom can't stop her from liking him, but she can lay down some rules that make it harder to see him. I'd definitely only allow her to see the guy at her own house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Sat, 11-05-2011 - 12:47pm

Forget the guy- YOUR concern needs to be your DD and HER self esteem.

He won't come visit at your house? Only his house or out somewhere...and you let her go running to him?

This is whats known as a "Booty Call". He is getting his jollies keeping her on the hook with "if you keep giving me what I want MAYBE I'll be your boyfriend again...someday". Of course she isn't "allowed" to move on while he's looking for his next best thing.

Please get your DD some help.