Dealing with Childish B.S.
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Dealing with Childish B.S.
| Mon, 02-13-2006 - 12:21pm |
Okay, I'm not sure where to begin... I was originally going to post this on a debate board, but the threads over there generally get too off-topic to


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Hi Wolverine. The short answer is find a new place/roommate.
I lived with the same friend on 3 separate occasions and the last time was a doozy. When we were both partying all the time together at 18/19 and shared a small 2 bedroom apt, it was great but eventually we couldn't afford it and moved in her mom's house. Later we shared a 2 bedroom cottage and worked at the same place and that was fine for about a year - then I moved out. She was seeing a married man, drinking like craZy, disrespectful of my space and downright rude to everyone. Then when the guy dumped her she blamed everyone, namely me for some reason, and stopped talking to me, slipped into a horrible mean depression but refused help. I eventually moved out to live with my then BF, who later became my exh (another story for another time).
The most recent time I roomed with her was after my divorce - I had been babysitting (we made amends after the last live in thing) her dd whose father was out of the picture and when I needed a place, we dedided to move in together. We figured we'd save money and do cooperative babysitting. It worked for a while, but she started brining home every loser she met, which I had to take issue with because we'd all be having breakfast and out would walk this cretin with no shirt or shoes on. Granted, the kids were all under 4, but this was not appropriate. She was like a bar fly. I always had her dd, night and day. The kid slept in her mother's bed, the mom would be passed out from the 5 tall white russians she sucked down everynight and the poor kid would be peeing on herself with no one to take care of her. When the child cried for HOURS at night, it was me who had to go in and take care of her because my friend was too wasted - and she smoked in bed. It was a nightmare. Besides this, she was oblivious to her own behavior and instead of taking a look at herself, she told me one night (after a few glasses of wine) that she resented my then 2 year old dd - she said she believed that my 2 year old dd refused or 'resisted' to bond with her. What the?? At that point, I detached from her and stopped letting her watch my kids and eventually had to move out. I haven't contacted her since. I have her contact information, her mom gave it to me because apparently she had a breakdown of some sort a few years ago, but I have never made contact. Why? Why bring negative vibes and bad mojo into your life if you don't have to? Right?
My advice, wolverine, is to go find a new place with a new roomate and never look back.
Hi Wolverine,
Sorry you're having to deal with this! I pretty much lived alone all my single years, for reasons you are now experiencing. Money was always tight and I lived in a teeny, tiny efficiency flat for a long, long time, but having my very own place was important to me and just worked out best.
I also agree that the short-term solution is to move out or find another roommate. I'm not a lawyer or have any btdt experience, (I did work for a property management company for a while though) but do have a few suggestions. Did you both sign the lease, or just one of you? If you did, it's in your rights to ask her to leave -- just make sure you have a replacement lined up so you can won't have to cover her portion of the rent! If it's her name on the lease, you can probably just pack up and move and not feel you owe her anything aside from a 30-day notice -- her mom and dad will pick up the extra rent costs anyway, right?
If you both signed, is there a clause indicating how many people can occupy the space? Your roommate may be in violation of the terms of the lease agreement, at which time you can make the landlord aware of the extra bodies in your apartment and let him handle it. Anyway, check your copy of the lease agreement and see if you can find something that works in your favor.
Sending hugs and good wishes your way ...
Julie
I know a little about property management as well and Julie is on the money about her advice on that issue. I agree 100% that you should either move out immediately or make her do so (if the lease is in your name) within 30 days. Hopefully you won't have to deal with eviction issues because they can get nasty. It's obvious you are not going to be able to resolve this with her because she is incredibly narcissistic,spoiled rotten and will never in a million years see your side of things, so why bother? This situation is not fair to you, and if I were you I'd pack my bags!
Same advice as the previous posters - move or ask her to move. Someone this immature won't change anytime soon. If you're stuck in a lease or can't afford to move, you will just have to tough it out until the lease is up. I had alot of roommates in my 20s and some were great, and some were awful - eventually moved into a very small apt just so I could live alone.
If you are really stuck, then feel free to come here and vent anytime! Most of us have had horrible room-mates at some point in our single lives!
Sue
That does complicate things, doesn't it? How much longer do you have on your lease? It sounds like it's through the summer.
I guess all you can do now is hope that she sublets her room to someone decent. Maybe you can approach him/her right off the bat with the fact you are a serious student and come to an agreement with the frequency and number of guests and how long they can stay, and any other issues you may want to avoid with the new roomie.
Sorry your having to go through this. Good luck
You have my sympathy! Oldest DD had major roommate issues her first two years of college. Luckily, she lived in a dorm and could request reassignment after each semester.
She was also fortunate in that the school just assigned her roommates and they were not friends before (or after) so it was easier to walk out.
I can also tell you that DH reached a point many, many years ago with his childhood best friend that he had to just cut him out of his life completely. We were a young married couple with a small child (2 maybe). The friend and his wife invited us all over to watch movies. We took DD with us and the friend pops in a porn movie. Now granted DD was 2 and didn't know what was going on but I wouldn't have been comfortable with this even if DD wasn't there. We left and DH told him the next day that it would best if they didn't hang out any longer.
Sometimes friends grow apart and it appears that you and your friend definitely want different things from lives. You've worked very, very hard to accomplish your goals to this point. Did the both of you sign a lease? Is there any way out this deal? I would look for another roommate or apartment as soon as possible.
During one of the worst roommate problems, (roommate had a transvestite stalker) I told DD to just check into the Holiday Inn for a few days. Thankfully, the semester was almost over so we could afford to do that. Maybe a short stay with another friend might give you some temporary rest while you try to sort this all out.
Good Luck!
sorry wolverine - you are always full of such great advice for other people....
so, you can't leave and you can't force her to leave.... al i can suggest is to try and look for a subletter - you never know - sometimes people DO need to change apartments in the middle of the semester for all kinds of reasons
>>When we were both partying all the time together at 18/19 and shared a small 2 bedroom apt, it was great<<
See, that's the problem... I certainly have my moments - stumbling home from the bar drunk at
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