Dealing with death of a teen friend
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Dealing with death of a teen friend
| Wed, 09-20-2006 - 3:32pm |
I don't know if anybody here has had to deal with their children loosing a friend.
| Wed, 09-20-2006 - 3:32pm |
I don't know if anybody here has had to deal with their children loosing a friend.
My prayers are with you and your family and the family of that poor girl. My girls have experienced the loss of many classmates over the years, some that were very close to us. Most were car or motorcycle crashes but some were also via suicide. I really can't think of any special words that will ease the ache that your dd must have in her heart but just being there and holding her and reminding her that it's okay to cry and talk with thier friends as much as possible. You can help her find a way to memorialize her friend, or be a part of something related to the funeral.
A lot of the teens in our small community have done many wonderful things in memory of the friends they've lost over the past couple of years. For instance, they created a small memorial on the soccer field for this one boy who was a big town soccer player and died in a car crash - they painted his name in big letters on the field and families were able to leave things like flowers, pictures, soccer balls, etc. Later, the items were offered to the parents. They even played a championship game and dedicated it to him.
For another boy they all painted thier cars with "RIP Churchie" and formed a long line at his funeral that no one broke. It was pretty cool - all his friends showed up on thier motorcycles in his honor.
And for another kid, the kids all made a collection of his favorite bands and put together a CD mix to be played at his wake and funeral, as well as pictures, so when the hundreds of people waiting to pay thier respects were in line, they could listen to it as they viewed hundreds and hundreds of collected photos.
And for a young girl, all her friends and others in town held bake sales, and collected monies to have a bench donated to the library with her name engraved on a plaque.
I think there are ways in which your dd can work through her grief that feels right to her - something that will make her memorialize her friend's life rather than her passing, kwim?
Bless you all. This is so sad.
Oldest DD was 7 when my b/f's dd (10 at the time) died. At 7, she grieved some but mostly she celebrated her friend's life. She would remind me of fun times with her. I would pass this along to my friend. It made her feel so comforted to know that we missed her baby girl too. Then when she was 17, a friend killed himself. She felt guilty b/c that afternoon on the way home from school she thought about stopping at his house b/c they hadn't seen each other in a while but she was in a hurry and didn't. She really felt that had he known someone was thinking about him might have made a difference. The sad thing is she may be right. So we spent some time dealing with her guilt and grief. She dealt with her guilt by speaking publicly about teen-age suicide and how teens and adults need to learn the warning signs. She also talked about what teens can do to help for depression.
Youngest DD was 10 when a tornado killed one of her friends. She's my quiet one. She never mentioned it but after about a month wanted to drive by the house (debri pile) to see. We went and got out. The construction guys that were working on the house next door came over and gave her a beanie baby - they said they had started keeping them b/c so many of her friends had come by.
I doubt this helped much. I would suggest that you offer your teen a shoulder anytime. Try to spend a little extra time with her. If she can't go to the funeral or a memorial service, let her take flowers to the cemetery so she can say her goodbyes. These things are more important to us than we realize. She and you will be in my prayers.
Just wanted to express my condolences. In the past year, there have been some teen deaths in our small town, from the teenage couple that tried to beat the train in their truck to the teen who tried to beat the train on foot (almost made it too). The kid who did this on foot was drinking with his friends, and they all saw it happen. There are mostly driving fatalities: recently one young man (not quite 21, apparently that magical age when the brain fully develops) was racing in broad daylight, and took out 3 trees in the median. Wound up brain dead and they pulled the plug. I see wreaths of flowers on the sides of the road and I think, "oh no, not another one". I just can't imagine the pain these familes are going through. My heart goes out to them.
I hope they solve the mystery surrounding her death, as it may bring them some closure. Not sure if that helps the grieving process at all but I know I would want to know "why". As if there ever really is a good "enough" reason, kwim?
How tragic! My heart is with those parents, her family and friends.
When DD was in middle school, a boy in the grade above her died due to heart complications he'd had since birth. To honor him, students donated money for to purchase a bench and plant a tree on campus in his name.
One Saturday morning, there was a brief memorial service for him and all those that attended wore green, the boys' favorite color. His parents passed out green balloons and they were released at all the same time. It was a very lovely gesture.
My children have so far, only experienced a death when we said goodbye to our beloved dog this past Christmas. That was heart-wrenching for all of us and I don't know how we'd get through the loss of a good friend.
Keep us posted!