Delicate situation... HELP!!!
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Delicate situation... HELP!!!
| Mon, 01-30-2006 - 7:57am |
Hi, I am a lurker who occassionally posts, but I needed some thoughts.
I am a single mom to an almost 14 year old son. We live in a small apartment. So here is the problem. When my son began to hit puberty he began to take muliple showers a day (sometimes 4) I SUSPECTED he was doing what teenage boys "do" and left it alone. So, the showers mellowed out back down to one a day, but this week there's been a new development.
He's gotten vocal. I can now hear him in the shower. ewww.
I have no hang ups about masterbation, I know its normal, healthy even. I dont have a problem with him doing it, I figure, he THOUGHT the shower was where he'd get the most privacy, but like I said, its a small place.
I've tried wandering from room to room, blasting the tv, which is great, until those deadened moments of silence where it still breaks through.
Truth be told it makes me kinda naseaus, (like being a kid and walking in on your parents) theres somethings you just dont wanna know OR HEAR. The first time I ignored it.
After a week, Its become apparent that if I dont DO something its going to continue, and believe me, I CANT continue this way.
I dont want to embarrass him or make him feel bad , but boy I dont wanna hear that anymore...
thoughts???? Please????
chaos
I am a single mom to an almost 14 year old son. We live in a small apartment. So here is the problem. When my son began to hit puberty he began to take muliple showers a day (sometimes 4) I SUSPECTED he was doing what teenage boys "do" and left it alone. So, the showers mellowed out back down to one a day, but this week there's been a new development.
He's gotten vocal. I can now hear him in the shower. ewww.
I have no hang ups about masterbation, I know its normal, healthy even. I dont have a problem with him doing it, I figure, he THOUGHT the shower was where he'd get the most privacy, but like I said, its a small place.
I've tried wandering from room to room, blasting the tv, which is great, until those deadened moments of silence where it still breaks through.
Truth be told it makes me kinda naseaus, (like being a kid and walking in on your parents) theres somethings you just dont wanna know OR HEAR. The first time I ignored it.
After a week, Its become apparent that if I dont DO something its going to continue, and believe me, I CANT continue this way.
I dont want to embarrass him or make him feel bad , but boy I dont wanna hear that anymore...
thoughts???? Please????
chaos

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Just talk to him. Check the tone of your voice and practice what you will say so that you don't subconciously humiliate or shame him. State that you feel it's normal and okay, but also private. By private you mean that while we all know everyone does it, we don't need to be obvious about it, ie., hear it, see it, see evidence of it, etc.
I would just really try to make him feel that it's okay and normal. Keep it simple short and to the point. Good luck!
I would try a more subtle approach first. You don't want to embarrass him. Try singing in the shower when he's home. He will figure out pretty fast that the bathroom isn't sound proof, even with the shower running. Be sure your singing is awful, something he's likely to comment on, with lyrics likely to shock him or otherwise get his attention.
If that didn't work quick, I'd probably leave him a note on the mirror that reminds him that the bathroom isn't sound proof.
Only if those 2 things failed would I confront him about this. You know it's all normal and well and good, etc, but he's gonna die of embarrassment.
ahem... My just-turned 15 yo was just reading across my shoulder.
My son was 14 when I unfortunately walked in on him. I had parked out back, which I never do, and was busy in the yard. He thought I wasn't home. As soon as I opened his bedroom door (also not realizing he was home) and saw, I just quickly and silently walked away. And I never told him what happened. I was afraid that he would be so embarassed and humiliated and I didn't want to see that happen. So.....
If it were me, I'd walk to the bathroom door and bang on it hard. Then ask him if he's ok cause you thought you heard something a minute ago and was just checking on him. That way he'll know he's loud but maybe still think you're clueless. Since my son has slipped and fell down a couple of times in the shower (when he was around 11 or 12), he knows if I hear a loud noise I'll come knocking. And I guess if it happens again, I'd do the same thing.
Anyway, it's just an idea. And yeah, I totally get that "ick " factor.
Good luck,
zz
I made the mistake of discussing it with my mom, (she had only daughters) and thought you would get a kick out of her response, granted she is a generation removed, (and I DONT think this way...) Her response once she reached understanding of the situation was ***OMG!!!!... well you have to stop it, you dont want him thinking its OK to do that! OMG!!! You dont want him to think thats some sort of a RELEASE or something!!You dont want him to GROW UP and DO THAT!!!! THANK GOD I had girls!!!****
Oye! heheheh, cause girls never do that, and heaven forbid it should be normal or ok, and my god! A stress release ?????
Sigh. The sad thing is , my kiddo and I have a pretty open relationship for discussing things, I just dread broaching it.
I think I am going to go out and buy a shower radio tonite, and hopefully he'll ask why and it will open up the topic, (and drown out the noise) I'm thinking I'll say I had THOUGHT I heard him singing in there, and realized how thin the walls are, and realized he might not exactly be singing and I really dont wanna know ... lalalala ) Let him know I'm not an idiot, boys DO THIS, its ok, but not that I have ABSOLUTELY no doubt about whats been going on there, kinda play dumb, I know its gonna embarrass him when he realizes I know, but in truth, although we've had plenty of talk about intercourse I guess I havent really discussed THIS issue and nows the opportunity. I'm guessing as soon as it crosses his mind that I MIGHT hear him he'll be quiet. I just HATE the thought that he'll be embarrassed about something so NORMAL.
That and to be honest I was waiting for my mom to ask if he was blind yet or growing hair on his palms... cripes... thank god she DIDNT have boys...
chaos
Chaoslover
Sometimes you fake it, till you can make it.
umm.....if I knew that my son (10) was doing that in the shower, he'd be the one having to clean it every day just for the ick factor....EW!!
I never thought that I'd have to have a talk like that with my son (clueless one) but knowing his father and his habits before we got married (not even going there), he will have that conversation with him soon.
LARK
chaos
Chaoslover
Sometimes you fake it, till you can make it.
Mom of 3 sons here, ranging in age from 18 to 21.
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