Delicate situation... HELP!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Delicate situation... HELP!!!
14
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 7:57am
Hi, I am a lurker who occassionally posts, but I needed some thoughts.
I am a single mom to an almost 14 year old son. We live in a small apartment. So here is the problem. When my son began to hit puberty he began to take muliple showers a day (sometimes 4) I SUSPECTED he was doing what teenage boys "do" and left it alone. So, the showers mellowed out back down to one a day, but this week there's been a new development.
He's gotten vocal. I can now hear him in the shower. ewww.
I have no hang ups about masterbation, I know its normal, healthy even. I dont have a problem with him doing it, I figure, he THOUGHT the shower was where he'd get the most privacy, but like I said, its a small place.
I've tried wandering from room to room, blasting the tv, which is great, until those deadened moments of silence where it still breaks through.
Truth be told it makes me kinda naseaus, (like being a kid and walking in on your parents) theres somethings you just dont wanna know OR HEAR. The first time I ignored it.
After a week, Its become apparent that if I dont DO something its going to continue, and believe me, I CANT continue this way.
I dont want to embarrass him or make him feel bad , but boy I dont wanna hear that anymore...
thoughts???? Please????
chaos

Chaoslover

Sometimes you fake it, till you can make it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 11:57am

This would be my method as well

My oldest was in early pubery and I heard some soft sounds from the bathroom while he was in the bath coupled with some rather rhytmic splash sounds. I knocked and asked if he was allright and it took a bit for his to respond

This was the first of my 3 boys so I REALLY didnt make the connection until I was lying in bed that night and it all clicked!!

Funny, I havent noticed anything with the other two(said with head in sand)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2006
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 8:05pm

OMG - I laughed so hard when reading the messages about "what boys do", I felt like you all had been in my house.

My DS is 13 and I had my first rude awakening to the fact that he had hit puberty about 6 months ago. At that point I was on our second floor landing which doubles as an office - that's where our computer is. There is a balcony there that overlooks the living room - directly overlooks the couch. I was working away on the computer, minding my own business, when I hear some thrashing and moaning coming from the living room. I stopped what I was doing to listen a bit. The sounds stopped. I went back to my business, the sounds started again. I peaked a bit over the ledge, thinking DS was napping and had a bad dream. Umm - no, he was not having a bad dream. I was SHOCKED!!! I am an only child so had never, ever, in my life been around that sort of thing.

I did some research on the internet, chatted with DH about it, and then found a nice, quiet time when DS and I were home alone to have a discussion about his changing body, the feelings he's beginning to experience, and those that are yet to come. I explained that if he hadn't already, he would eventually begin to have feelings for girls which would cause his body to react in ways it never had before. And that it was all very, very natural. However, if he ever felt the urge to act on those feelings when he was alone - it should be done in the privacy of the bathroom, or his bedroom, and always behind closed doors. (we also talked about sex, how he's not ready for that yet, and always to remember that if he's not ready to be a father - he shouldn't be having sex, since children can be the direct result of it).

That whole scenario went rather well, I thought, since I've never had to see/hear it since.

But now my next problem - internet porn. I've discovered a few sites that he visited that had some pretty graphic pictures of naked women. He knows I've found him out and he's now on strict lock down on the computer unless we're in the room. I hate feeling like the police here, so do any of you have other suggestions?

Thanks for sticking with me on this horribly long post!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 8:34pm

Just stick to your guns on the comp thing. My son went through a short phase of the same thing. It didn't last too long, especially once he found out I was onto him and checking the history.

Good luck,
zz

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 9:12am

I got into the habit of checking my internet history alot, and when I found something objectionable, I'd tell my son to have a seat next to me and we'd have a look at it together.

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