depressed ds, girl trouble :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
depressed ds, girl trouble :(
8
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 11:07am
my ds is 18, his gf is 16...they have been dating for about 4 months...she was supose to go w/us camping .. her mother now won't let her go. she tells us the day we are leaving. she tells me it's inappropriate...well, 2 wks ago, she let her go to senior week down the shore where they were alone..ds is very depressed..what to do
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 11:54am
Well my first reaction was that I don't blame the mom for not letting her dd go camping with her h.s. bf. But since she let her go spend a week alone with him it does seem a bit odd. Not sure there is much you can or should do to try to cheer your ds up. He'll survive a few days without her and hopefully the camping will result in some good family bonding time.


Pam - Ivillage Community Leader

CL:
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 2:40pm
I DON'T blame mom at all for not wanting her to go w/us..truthfully, my dd is 15 and i would not let her go if asked. i had to cut my message short before cuz ds was coming in. anyway, they have been dating 4 mths or so, she is moving to another city in august. so he gave us a hard time about collage and wanted to go to collage where she is moving..we put a stop to that. i figured they would gradually grow apart later...they were staying w/the mom's aunt this weekend and the aunt must have been talking to her and that's what changed the mom's mind. i called her and said that she could trust us, they would never be alone, we are sleeping all in one camper...but she was dead set and said she did not think it was very appropriate that her young daughter go on vacation w/her bf's family...it was at the tip of my tongue to say about senior week two weeks prior that they stayed together for 6 days w/6 other kids...no adults. so she wished us a good vacation and that was that...the gf keeps texting me and is very upset too and doesn't know what to do about this situation now, they are staying in this other city til their house is done in mid august instead of coming back here so basically, they will never see eachother again. :( i'm sad for them ...so that's my story...oh, he won't go camping with us now. he is extremely depressed and i'm afraid he won't take his meds. ;( zoloft and limictal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 2:53pm
I'm sorry that your ds decided not to go camping - it would have been a good way to take his mind off things. You and I both know that once she moves away and he starts college they will both move on. But of course he doesn't want to hear that right now. I know how heartbreaking it is to have your child suffering from depression. Last Saturday was very tough for Jason. He had been on anti-depressants but went off them cold turkey in Feb. He did start back on some when he went back into treatment the week before last but they take awhile to kick in. Hope he's feeling better soon.


Pam - Ivillage Community Leader

CL:
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 5:12pm
THANKS, he is starting to talk a little bit about it. she has been texting me and he is asking me what she was saying. apparently the aunt is a sister in law..her brother's wife and they compete on who can be the best parent...well, i guess the sister in law said something to her about it being inappropriate. we did not go on vacations w/our bfs when we were kids but it's different now...although i would have a problem letting my dd go but this is a mother that just let her 16 yr old go down on senior week...bottom line, they played house for a week!! OMG> she also let her stay the night up here the day of my ds's graduation party...i hope this thing blows over and yes, u and i know that once collage starts and he is away and she is away, who knows....anti depressants are hard to give your kids, i don't want my ds on them but he seems to do better w/them. he does screw up and doesn't take them when he is supose to...you can't go cold turkey on most of them...you have to ween off of them..i should know, i learned the hard way. ds wants to go back on adderal...it's like a speed...but he lost too much weight..he is tall ...and got down to 150 lbs...he's back up to 159 but the dr wants him to give it another month and "stay clean" meaning no street drugs...he does not do drugs...but one. if it's a choice between them all, my drug of choice would be pot if any at all. :( tough being a mother. ty
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 5:13pm

I guess I can see where the kids are coming from - seems that the mom is changing rules in mid-stream.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 7:29pm
I HATE to leave him here and go camping,.we haven't left yet..i'm stalling...he said if we cancel our trip, he will never speak to us again and that he just wants to be alone...he got mean w/his father about 10 minutes ago but my dh doesn't know when to stop either and i try to tell him then i only get into a fight w/him .
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Sun, 07-15-2007 - 11:14pm

Hi,

Having just survived beach week myself (we did not allow our DD to go, but her boyfriend did go...oh my gosh...what a week...)I certainly can understand your being confused as to why the mom wouldn't let her DD go camping with you. Camping with a family and all of you staying in the same camper sounds TAME compared to beach week. It sounds like the sister-in-law may have put some weird thought into the mom's head, making her think this would be an inappropriate camping trip. That's really a shame. And oh...my heart aches for your son. Even though I feel confident (based on what I've read here)that he'll be okay once he goes off to college, it's so difficult to watch our children when they are sad. My DD was so distraught the whole week of beach week because she was hearing from her boyfriend how much fun he was having, and also hearing things that she found to be upsetting. It just made me ache inside watching her pain. Good luck. I'll keep your son in my prayers. --Nancy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 9:22am
hi Nancy, Thank you for the prayers. things are still crazy and sad. i truthfully did not want my ds getting too close to this girl because although she is going to be a senior next year, she totally has a child's disposition. I can't even undstand her when she talks..she talks fast and whines. i just can't explain it but i warned my son 4 months ago that she was very imature and i remember how i was in 8th grade and was seeing my now husband, i must have broken up w/him 20x's. well, he does not want to hear that. he says he is going to marry her. so he did stay home and went up to where she moved to and went to the movies then the following day, her mother and father drove her in and dropped her off at our house for her to visit w/her. Go figure. they knew we were away and so their dd was there w/my ds ALONE!! WHAT'S UP W/THAT? and now, last night, and the night before, she was breaking up w/him cuz she said he was going off to collage and would be meeting other girls there and that she was not treating him good blah blah blah...by end of night , he was calling her babe again. i told him this will go on for weeks ... to keep in mind they may break up and when he goes to collage, he will meet others...more his level of maturity,.... OMG does it ever end?