DH's non -relationship w/ his DD

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
DH's non -relationship w/ his DD
10
Fri, 12-07-2007 - 10:14am

To recap previous events, DH's 17 yo DD moved out of the house about a month ago to live w/ her GM because the 2 of them weren't getting along.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Fri, 12-07-2007 - 10:36am
This has just turned into a very sad situation for everyone.

 

 

 

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-07-2007 - 10:38am

It's a sad sad thing, what's happened. It's too bad that your H is responding to his dd's behavior as he would a peer. She is not a peer, she is his dd and there is a lot of damage that has been done to their relationship. He is the parent, she is the child, so IMHO, he should be making overtures to his dd to mend the fence - not by kissing her @$$ or having her move back home (those wouldn't work or be conducive to a healthy relationship). But he should at least continue to call her weekly.


Things are too fresh for any reparations to their relationship to really take place yet. It will take time. He should call her weekly just to let her know that he is thinking of her and remind her that she has family and that she can always reach out to him if she needs to. I doubt she will any time soon, it may take years for this to put all this behind them. Right now she is filled with resentment. But in the meantime, there should be at least one party reaching out to the other just to let them know, and in this case, it needs to be H because dd is too immature and ignorant to do so herself.


OTOH, she is nearly considered an adult at 17, almost 18. She may be in HS and living with gramma, but to some extent I do believe that at 17, she should know how to behave and react appropriately to her father, regardless of any wrongs she feels he has committed against her. If he has been abusive, then she should seek out some counseling to overcome this and become a stronger person. If she is merely pissed off because he's too strict

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 12-07-2007 - 11:20am

I have to add that GM has never once been in our house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 12-07-2007 - 12:06pm

Sounds like both your DH and DSD are pretty stubborn.

I don't remember how your DD and your DSD got along. Maybe if your DD would tell DSD that she hopes they can spend some time together over the holdiays, DSD would be more likely to come over and maybe not do a whole lot of communicating with her dad, but at least they'd have some time around each other. (If your DD's suggesting that would seem ingenuine to DSD, of course, skip it.) If there's any way you could get DH & DSD to join in family games--scrabble, catch phrase, charades, pictionary--that might be a good icebreaker.

Hope all goes smoothly for you over the holidays.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 12-07-2007 - 12:46pm

My DD HATES my DSD and is probably thrilled that she's gone.

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Fri, 12-07-2007 - 6:03pm

Would there be any chance he would 'text' her?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2007
Fri, 12-07-2007 - 7:29pm
I have no advice but i want you to know you have my thoughts and prayers

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 12-07-2007 - 10:16pm
TM is kind of an impersonal conversation - which might be what DH and DSD needs at this point.
Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Fri, 12-07-2007 - 10:32pm

My dd doesn't even check her voice mail!!! Why does she bother to have it set up???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 1:34pm

Texting is probably a good idea cause DH just can't resist the urge to lecture.