Difficulty Making Friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2007
Difficulty Making Friends
15
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 5:19pm
Hello Everyone-
I'm new here. I have a very bright, good natured, yet somewhat shy and reserved 15 year old only child son. He has always had some difficulty making close friendships. When he was young i facilitated "play dates" and that worked well. Obviously I can't keep doing that. He has many casual friends at school and other activities he is involved with. I have observed that he gets along with and is liked by other teens his age. He has always had difficulty initiating friendships.There has never been kids his age in teh neighborhood to befriend. He had a best firend for the last 6 years that recently moved out of state and he has spent most of the summer playing video games rather than socializing. This was the only friend he had that he invited to come to our home. He needs help making closer bonds with his casual friends. Any advice??
Thanks!
Phoenix

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 8:24pm

<<>>

.....which is why I've stayed away from this thread.. ;-) lol

Looking carefully at the original post, it just may be that her son has typical friendships as teenage boys do; they just don't look the same as their female counterpart.

Good points Rose. Except I have two friends that frankly, understand me better than my DW of 30 years. Not her fault, or mine. It's a guy thing. No doubt about it..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 5:08pm

Ahhh Daddioe, so I saved you from being labeled "SEXIST" huh?? ROTFLOL!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:26pm

I think this is more about you feeling like he should have closer friends than his feeling like he is missing something by not having a close friend. Boys are different - they don't have the pack of girl friends and I have even found teens do not even chat on the phone - unless it is a cell anymore. I have learned from my oldest son that I need to trust his judgement - he wasn't hanging with the kids because they were not nice kids!

My oldest son's closest friend is also his cousin - they have known each other since birth and yet - they don't do tons of stuff together. He also knows he also has his brothers. You have an only child - yes they do struggle more in forming relationships but he will step back relax and breathe :) If he is above average bright like my oldest I think once they find academic peers they create the bonds. High school kids do and say stupid things - he probably just doesn't want any part of it!

Good luck
Courtney

Courtney

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 9:34am

I am 16 and i recently moved and for sometime i didn't really do anything considering how all my friends i had ever known were a million miles away. My advice is, don't offend him by making a suggestion of having friends over, kids really respects their own personal privacy when it comes to not dangerous and just normal things like friends. He probably speaks to new people while playing video games, or being online on the computer. Just give him time to adjsut to the devastation of his friend moving away. If he doesn't even go start going out of the house, then there is a time when you should take into suggestion inviting relates or cousins over if any his age.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2007
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 7:05pm
Thank you all for you great insights. As many of you asked - my DS is a very content, happy teen, enjoys school and is well-adjusted as far as I see. He is not moping around, wishing anything was different. I will continue to let him set the pace with his frienships as long as he is happy with his life and encourage him when he needs it.
-Phoenix

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