Dilemma -16 year old son wants to join in on fun with friends and be honest with me at the same time

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Dilemma -16 year old son wants to join in on fun with friends and be honest with me at the same time
30
Thu, 01-26-2012 - 10:30am

My subject line sounds funny but it's true that it's caused me a dilemma.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2012
always be available any time of the night to receive the phone call that he needs a ride home...I think when kids are this honest and want to get their feet wet, at times we have to allow them to spread their wings, but then have that safety net available when things become out of control or they need us.

Because he is well adjusted in all areas of his life, school, responsibility etc, now is the time to let him know that you are very proud of what he has done this far and you are giving him a bit more leniancy to help him explore the world.

He can always choose what and where he wants to go and as long as he stays in communicaiton with you , he deserves a break.

KUDOS to raising such a well adjusted youg man, this far~!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

Well Sky,

Your questions are right on point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2011

Sorry, can't be much help in the helping him learn to live with it question but i am curious about something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001

I've been thinking about you, and was especially last night when the kids next door and their friends woke me up as they ran through our yard and then started driving up and down the street and into our drive way though the new (wet) snow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
oddaat wrote:

So, here is my dilemma - probably better worded now that I've had a chance to think through this, with all of your help (thanks!):

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007

Excellent points and excellent ideas - thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I'm sure all he can see right now is the fun that he thinks he's missing out on but that's because he also can't consider the potential bad consequences that might arise because his friends' parents are too lenient--say one of his friends got arrested for DUI or possession of alcohol or they weren't supervised closely and someone got pregnant--then he'd be thankful he wasn't that person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
You might want to encourage him to find some other friends to do things with. I don't care what he says - there are other kids out there whose parents also are vigilant and, like you 'trust but verify'. I can't imagine what he thinks he's missing out on between midnight and 6am at a coed sleepover. Well maybe I can but that's exactly why you have the rules! ;-)
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007

So, here is my dilemma - probably better worded now that I've had a chance to think through this, with all of your help (thanks!):

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
I also don't agree that its fairly prevalent nowadays to have co-ed sleepover parties. My DD has a very diverse group of friends and groups she is involved in, all the way from the "nerds" in photography club to the cheerleading squad and she is much like your son, very open and honest with me about not only what she is doing, but also about what others are doing, good and bad. And she hasn't been involved in, nor ever known about any co-ed sleepover parties. I'm sure they are going on, but I don't believe at all that its something that is happening all the time.

I would explain to him that honestly, it doesn't matter how good his arguments are, they are your rules, he is still a child living in your house and that's that. He has plenty of time when he's in college and off in the "real world" to make decisions to attend or not attend those sorts of parties.
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