Do you check Facebook/Myspace?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Do you check Facebook/Myspace?
47
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 8:47pm

I have a question for everyone. Do you ever look at your child's Facebook/Myspace? I do occasionally check my dd's Facebook just to see what's happening. I sure it may seem like an invasion of privacy (at least to my dd) but I do feel that this isn't a journal or a diary, it's basically a public blog.

Well, the other day, I did see a comment from my dd to her cousin, who lives nearby, thanking her for getting her out of a jam at a concert. I have to admit I got very concerned about this and was worried that maybe she had been drinking or something (I have never caught her drinking before) but I know that a couple of her friends have been caught in the past drinking with other friends. Well, I thought I should have a talk with her and ask her if she needed to tell me anything about the concert and that I had seen her comments on Facebook. Well, she assured me that nothing happened, that one of her friends had ditched her at the concert so she hung out with her cousin instead. Then she blew up with me about looking at her Facebook. I basically answered that whether she liked it or not, I would look at it from time to time. It was funny how she was trying to turn this into a situation of me doing something wrong.

Well, anyway, am I the only parent out there who looks at their kid's Facebook? I really didn't want to tell her that I look at it but I was concerned about her safety.

Thanks for the input. Di

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 5:58pm

Well, do you have her password? If so, log on under her name & when you find his picture click on it. This will take you directly to his page. You can look at all his photos, the un-private messages he recieves & sends to people, what kind of stuff he has written on his page, his blogs, etc... The only thing you can't look at is private messages he sends to people, but if he has sent stuff to your daughter you can look at her inbox. You can see messages she has sent, recieved, etc... After they are so old they will auto delete though. This should give you some idea what you're looking at. If you don't have her password you can click on 'Search' in the toolbar across the top of the page & search for him by name, e-mail, URL, etc... As long as his page isn't private you can look at it. If it's private you will only be able to look at it if he is your friend. This means you will have to have your daughter's password or know someone else who is his friend to view his page. If you feel he is doing things really inappropriately, you can report him to MYSPACE. I have looked at so many kids spaces that they know or go to their school. I have seen pics of girls that look like they belonged on the cover of Playboy vs. some innocent web page. I have seen bad language, suggestive language, etc... Alot of them post surveys on their page & this can give you an idea of what they do, have done, like, don't like, etc... You can look at pretty much whatever you'd like & you can find just about everything. It's really scary what some of these kids put on there. I've seen kids put so much personal info on there that someone could easily find them. They may not put their exact address or city, but they will say stuff like, "I play soccer for Blah-Blah High School. I'm #15. They post pictures on there so someone knows what they look like. If someone knew what state or city they lived in they could easily look up that info & follow them home, etc... They think no one can find them online, but that is SSSOOOOO wrong!

I think that's so great that your local school teaches parents about this. You'd think more parents would understand in this day & age. They seem as oblivious as their kids do. It's crazy to me. I know really good parents w/ good kids & if they knew what kind of stuff was on their kids pages or what they were saying to other kids it would blow their mind. I would like to know what you were talking about when you said you could look up predators online. I have gotten on like our TN website for local sexual offenders & where they live, but I don't know if you are talking about something else? Let me know please. I hope this helps.

Oh yeah! Something else you can do if you don't have your daughter's MYSPACE password. If you know her e-mail password you can get on MYSPACE & if you click "Forgot Password" they will e-mail it to the e-mail address she has on file. If you could check her e-mail w/o her knowing you could get it & delete it w/o her ever knowing about it. NOTE: Don't click on messages she has unread because as soon as you do it will say READ. Then she will know someone has been messing around. O.K. I think that's all.

God Bless!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 7:04pm

I'm sorry...my dd hasn't had a Myspace account in a while so I'm not sure I remember how to access it. I just know with my dd's Facebook account, she will get emails that come into her email account saying something like "Stacey Smith has left a picture on your Facebook page". I then click on the link in the email and then the Facebook website comes up asking for the password. I have to admit that one time she wasn't home and I forgot it so I just clicked on the link that says "forgot your password-click here". Then the password was emailed to her email address and I got into her Facebook that way.

I can't imagine that Myspace would be that different. Hopefully, another mom can give you better tips on how to access the site. Best of luck! You know, these kids think we moms are clueless...NOT!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 7:19pm

I can certainly understand your feelings that it feels a little like prying when looking at their Facebook page...but I do remind myself that these pages are for the public consumption so to speak. One time, a couple of years ago, my dd who at time was 14 (who is a really good kid and doesn't give us cause for concern) put a picture of herself on her profile that I didn't feel was appropriate. She wasn't scantily dressed or anything but the pose looked a little suggestive to me. She was standing there smiling with her chest sticking out. Geesh! She was wearing a regular shirt and jeans but I didn't want any boys to get the wrong impression or sitting around gawking at it with their buddies. I told her that I saw the picture and to change it. She got mad at me but she did it. I think that they are so naive and just don't think about what they're doing. Oh well...that's one experience I had with her Facebook.

I do think that a diary is private and I would respect her privacy with that unless I thought her life was in danger...drugs, abuse from a bf, alcohol, etc. I have to admit I don't open her mail...I have been a little tempted at times but I restrain myself. :-) The reason I won't do it is I can remember my older sister opening my mail when I was in my early 20's when we were living together and I was really PO'd with her for doing it. I still remember it to this day. Besides, there a lot of fun in opening your own mailing especially when it's not bills :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 7:29pm
Hi, Ms Sneaky here. I do click on my dd's emails that haven't been read yet but she will never know. After you click on the email and it now shows as Read and is not bolded anymore, just right-click on your mouse and a menu will pop up that gives you the choice to mark the email as "Unread". Click on "Mark as Unread" and the email will now be Bolded as though it was never read.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 7:57am
Yeah, I've done that w/ their e-mails b/4, but on MYSPACE I haven't figured out a way to do that (if you can do that??!!) If you click on an unread message it will change it to read & you can't change it back as far as I know. If you know a way to do that I'd sure love to find out. :-) It's a shame in this day & age that we have to be so sneaky, huh?! Have a wonderful, blessed day! God Bless!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 8:38am

I don't know how to do that on Myspace since my dd doesn't have an account w/ them anymore. I think on Facebook you can look at the messages w/o it showing as "Read". If it does, then I'm busted :-) Don't really care though...LOL.

The only thing my dd said to me the other night when talked to her about her FaceBook is that there are times when she doesn't get a message from someone who asked if she got their message and she didn't. Of course, she said that this was because I was going onto her Facebook account. I really don't think messages get deleted when I look at them...she may have been trying to get me to stop. If anyone knows what she may be talking about...let me know.

Di

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2007
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 9:15am
i check my ds facebook and myspace although sometimes i wish i didn't. i have found out some important info. which i have questioned my ds about. I see so many parents with their head in the sand when it comes to what their kids are up to. I think kids feel more secure and will act more responsibly if they know someone is watching over them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 10:32am

On Facebook when you look at message it will show it as read. If it's not highlighted (the subject) then it looks like it has been read. What you can do is check the box beside of that message (or you can check multiple messages, too...) & on the toobar above them there is a choice to "Mark as Unread". Click that & they will become bold again. Your lovely little angels will never have a clue you've even been on there. (I'm doing my evil laugh right now... Ha!) Also, by reading the message you are not deleting it. Not sure what she's talking about. You have to check the message & actually hit "Delete" to delete it. I think she's just trying to scare you off. Don't fall for it. Ha! Have a blessed day! Hope this helps.

Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 11:26am
Not only do I look at it, but I have the password and can remove anything that I feel is inappropriate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2000
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 11:28am
I think you guys are great! I do the same thing (ck Facebook, Myspace & text messages on the phone). Sometimes I wish I hadn't but it helped me understand why my DD is soooo moody. I find out about other boys that like her, while she has a steady BF (she's 17 & he's 18). She is usually talkative with me, but when she clams up, I know something is up. Last year when her grades dropped a lot I started to snoop and found out she was hanging out with some not so good people. Especially a guy that drank and partied a lot etc. When he sent her vulgar text messages that's when I told her about it. Of course she was mad but these kids have to know that we aren't stupid.
Linda