Do you check Facebook/Myspace?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Do you check Facebook/Myspace?
47
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 8:47pm

I have a question for everyone. Do you ever look at your child's Facebook/Myspace? I do occasionally check my dd's Facebook just to see what's happening. I sure it may seem like an invasion of privacy (at least to my dd) but I do feel that this isn't a journal or a diary, it's basically a public blog.

Well, the other day, I did see a comment from my dd to her cousin, who lives nearby, thanking her for getting her out of a jam at a concert. I have to admit I got very concerned about this and was worried that maybe she had been drinking or something (I have never caught her drinking before) but I know that a couple of her friends have been caught in the past drinking with other friends. Well, I thought I should have a talk with her and ask her if she needed to tell me anything about the concert and that I had seen her comments on Facebook. Well, she assured me that nothing happened, that one of her friends had ditched her at the concert so she hung out with her cousin instead. Then she blew up with me about looking at her Facebook. I basically answered that whether she liked it or not, I would look at it from time to time. It was funny how she was trying to turn this into a situation of me doing something wrong.

Well, anyway, am I the only parent out there who looks at their kid's Facebook? I really didn't want to tell her that I look at it but I was concerned about her safety.

Thanks for the input. Di

Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 11:30am
You can check by going into the history and the temporary internet files to see what sites your children are visiting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 4:17pm
Well, I think you're pretty great yourself. :-) I feel so much better about things since finding this website. I feel encouraged because I'm not the only one who feels they have to snoop to find out accurate info. My kids tell me alot of stuff, which I'm glad, but especially my son's give me skewed info. My daughter will tell me anything - which I LOVE! I'm really gonna' miss her - she is moving in to college the day after tomorrow. She will be an hour & 45 minutes away. Boo Hoo!!! :-( Oh well, these kids will understand it when they grow up a little & have kids of their own. I used to think my dad was soooo strict (well, he really was). I thought it was because he was MEAN...Grrr! Not until I had my daughter did I start to realize a few things. I still think he went overboard w/ some things, but now I understand the other stuff. Sometimes I'm worse than he ever was. I'm ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS on guard. I think we have to be. Keep up the good work. It's only because we love them and care about them that we have to do this. Keep that in mind. It's for their benefit, not just because we're nosy. (Well, partly because we're nosy, too!!! Ha! Ha!) Have a blessed day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 11:44pm
Hah! You sound just like me! There are ways of finding things out. I had a sneaking suspicion that something was going on with my daughter. I already had a my space page of my own so I could keep tabs on her and her "gangsta" friends. She got her space without my permission so keeping it was part of the deal. Anyway after not calling me to pick her and her friend up when the pool closed, missing dinner, and 2 hours later finding her and her friend walking home almost a block apart from eachother, I checked myspace that night to look for "clues" because of course, 2 hours went by and she had no alibi, just attitude. What I did find was not what I expected- posted under bulletins was 4 invitations from my daughter to check out pornographic websites!! She swears her myspace page was hacked and she didn't send them but after looking at her history of pages visited, I found video after video of girls being raped, gay sex, violent sex, you name it, mostly you tube videos. I don't even know how to handle this one!!
Anyone have any ideas?
I'm thinking along the lines of grounded for life and locked in closet with no internet access forever. Seeing as I have to work, this isn't possible. If I totally get rid of her myspace page, she's crafty enough to create another and will find a way.
Someone help me on this one please!
The way she worded it, I've invaded her whole life and her privacy! C'mon, and I get to feel like the bad guy for snooping!?!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 12:29am
They have a wonderful knack for making us feel guilty even though we aren't the ones doing anything wrong, huh?! Sometimes reading others messages makes my kids sound like little angels, but they aren't always that. I feel guilty complaining about some of the stuff they do when some other kids are sooooo much worse. I should be thankful, huh?! Does she have internet access anywhere else? My sons aren't even allowed on our home computer w/o keying in a password. I set windows to only open w/ a password. My husband, daughter, and I are the only ones that know it. If the boys are allowed to get on - one of use has to go type in the password to let them on the computer. This frustrates them to no end, but it works. They can't look at anything if they can't get on. I have pretty good control over where they are & who they are with so they really don't have access to anyone else's computer. Sometimes maybe, but very rarely. This might be an option for you. Of course if she can just go to a friends house to their computer that might not be too much help. Can you stop her from going to a friends house? Why must they put us through this crap?! Life could be so much more enjoyable for all around if they would just straighten up. If they behaved we would probably let ))them do so much more stuff. My 16 (almost 17 year old) just can't seem to grasp that concept. UGH!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 10:27am
My daughter only had access when she had the password. She convinced me she was trustworthy and responsible and then she abused it. She does have access at friends houses but I have to say for the most part, she rarely spends the night with a friend and at least for the summer her BF isn't home. So, there's the computer at the library and any friends home after school and while I'm still at work. I am going to make another parent aware of this though- a concerned parent who I know keeps close tabs on her daughter and would want to know. He best friend though I know has been getting free Gucci bags and stuff like that from online offers. You wouldn't believe all the kids, friends and friends of her friends bragging about the gift cards and stuff they get for free in the mail. In the meantime, with the mailbox loaded up with offers and the naive (our kids) opening them, we the mean parents get computer viruses!! What fun this is and to think that I have 5 more years of this!!
thanks for the reply!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 1:28pm
Not sure how to handle this situation myself. My 15 yr old daughter had a fit when she found out that I had read her IMs or checked her MySpace page. I know I'm supposed to, but how I do I explain to my daughter that it's my responsibility without her feeling like I'm invading her privacy?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 3:14pm
No problem on the reply. I am loving this website. I've conversed more w/ other parents more in the past week than I have in forever. It's good to get other people's perspective on things sometimes. Good luck w/ your teen. I keep a pretty tight leash on mine, but they still do things. When they are all gone they are gonna' go wild because I've kept their leash too tight maybe??!! Hopefully they'll be grown up enough by then to know better. *(Wishful thinking?!)* Oh well, just keep doing the best you can and that's all you can do. I guess we have to just be consistent in rewards & consequences. That is easier said then done, but it's true. My son is mad at me again after a fight we had last night. UGH! One minute I think it's all gonna' be fine & the next we're ready to strangle each other. Family = don't ya' just love it!!!??? Ha! Ha! Hang on it's gonn'a be a bumpy ride. Have a great day! God Bless!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 8:39am

It's very interesting to me that our kids are so quick to accuse us of intruding on their privacy because my dd did the same thing to me. :-) I have repeatedly told her that as far as her Dad and I are concerned Facebook is a public blog and isn't private at all. If she wants privacy she can keep a journal in her room which I would respect and not look at. But, why is it okay for a complete stranger to contact them on Facebook, request to be their friend, and then look at all their info and that's not infringing on their privacy? Their logic cracks me up...they just know that if their parents look at their page, that Mom and Dad might see something that may incriminate them. You know, I've never told my dd that since her older cousins look at her facebook, it's always possible that they may say something to their parents about what they've seen and it might get back to me. Hey, let the chips fall where they may. So far, my dd has been a good kid and hasn't caused us any problems but I just want to keep her safe. I would never forgive myself if something happened to her.

I remember hearing someone on the news saying that you have to look at these websites as though there's always the possibility of someone contacting them who is pedophile and to look at the Web as: would you send your child down a dark alley in the city and let them talk to a complete stranger and tell that stranger everything about themselves? I thought that was sage advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 11:51am

I'm not sure what you mean - when you say "checking her page" do you mean actually using her password to go into her page, or viewing her page?

If you're viewing it, you're NOT invading her privacy - it's a public website. You can look at whatever you want. As one parent said, if you don't want other people to read your journal, use a book - and a pen.

If you're actually accessing her page using her password, you ARE invading her privacy. Whether your feel it's justified or not (and there are opinions here on both sides), that's exactly what you're doing. Trying to convince your DD that you're NOT invading her privacy is rather futile, because it is in fact what you are doing.

If you've decided, as a parent, that it's ok, or it's your responsibility, or obligation, or you have a reason, to access your children's email and/or websites through THEIR passwords, I'd give up on trying to convince them it's ok - let them know you're the parent, this is the decision you've made, and they're going to have to live with it.

They'll get over it eventually - they always do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 12:36pm

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This is your opinion, and I respect that. But I think one can also be of the opinion that accessing their page by using their password is not an invasion of privacy at all. Not when your child knows you have the password and you've told them that you will periodically monitor them.