Do you ever just get tired???

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Do you ever just get tired???
13
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 9:47pm

My 15 yo dd has danced since she was 3. She has competed in dance competitions regularly since she was 7. She's at the studio 10 hours a week. Every year she attends 4 competitions with the studio and does 3 year end performances. She is also part of an arts program at school where she dances daily and does 3 or 4 shows a year.

All of this requires so much coordination and planning. It isn't just the getting her to class on time but its also all the extra rehearsals, the costumes, the makeup, the hair, the travelling arrangements, the getting home from work to get to the show on time, the taking days off to get to and from competitions and so on and so on and so on. And don't even get me started on how costly this all is!!!!

She really loves to dance. She dances ballet, jazz, tap, hip hop, latin, lyrical, modern, broadway -- all of it. She is a good dancer but she knows and I know she is not good enough to be a professional dancer. That would take much more hours and dedication and training than she does now (the best dancers do twice the hours she does). So she is in this right now just because she started it and she has to finish it and she really loves it.

But my God I am sooooo getting tired of all the work and preparation that goes into a dance season. True, she's older now and some of the hassle of things like makeup and costume changes and preparation is taken away but she's still not old enough to shop for her own dance shoes and travel to all the locations and rehearsals. I'm sitting her tonight thinking that I better hurry up and make the hotel reservations I have to make and just saying to myself "God I don't think I can do this much longer!!!"

From last year to this year, knowing this isn't the path she is going to take in life as a career, we cut her hours by about 25% and her dance performances in half. That has helped somewhat but I'm really burning out on this stuff. I love to watch her dance and I will support her as long as she wants to keep going but there are alot of days when its just tooooo much.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 12:57am

Yes...it can be tiring. We've been through 13 years of soccer with DS17. It's not quite as much work as dance with a girl, but the travel can get to be crazy. We're off to St. Louis (from MI) in a couple of weeks. But developing a nonacademic, physical love is important for our kids. Our first DS23, hopped from one activity to another, sticking to tennis the longest. Now he's seriously into spinning, running and lifting, and recently emailed to say he's planning on doing some "toughguy challenge"(?) in England in July. I DO hope he was kidding.

I grew up dancing, jazz and ballet, 4th grade thru college, and after. (How my mom did it with three of us girls, I'll never know. But back then, it was much less intense than it is now.) And I still love it! At 51 I'm probably in better shape than most 35 year-olds, and many 25 year-olds, and I'm very health-concious when it comes to food. (Don't want to end up like my dad who died in January, after suffering many years of immobilization with osteoarthritis and Parkinsons.) So think of this as a life extender for your DD. She's developing habits that may help her live an enjoyable life well into her 100s. It's really not all for naught, even though she may never become a professional dancer.

Enjoy it while you still have her home with you!

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 9:28am

My gosh do I ever understand!!!

When DS18 was 2 1/2, I took him to a children's production of some sort or another. Midway through, he stood up in his seat, pointed to the stage, and said "Mommy, I want to do THAT!"

How cute, right? Since six years old, my DS has probably been in 40 or more community theater productions - and that's not counting school plays, concerts, and dance recitals. His brother also performs (although only about once a year) as do I (again, not as often, because "somebody" is sucking up all our free time LOL). Between rehearsals, costumes, working concessions or the door to help out the companies, speciall appearances, American Idol auditions (do you know we had to be there at 3 am???), theater auditions, arts programs, and everything else, sometimes I feel like I should get 15% of what he gets paid (oh wait - he doesn't - this COSTS us). In the beginning, it was a lighter schedule, and being married, I had dad helping at home. Once we split up, I became responsible for the household AND everything above - it's a wonder I've eaten a meal in 3 years!!! Oh, and let's not forget going to see everyone else in THEIR shows!

The difference is my DS DOES want to make this a career, so I consider it a worthwhile sacrifice - plus it keeps him off the streets and away from drugs...so something good is coming of it.

I will tell you this - at 18, he now has the ability to find his own rides to rehearsals...and doesn't necessarily need me at EVERY show - while I appreciate the free time, I will say I miss it a little. Enjoy it now - it will be over soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 11:57am

I can sympathize. DD (now 18) started off doing gymnastics in kindergarten just for a fun activity. We had practice only 2 days a week for 1 hr. at a time and then they just did a couple of shows a year at Christmas and the end of the year. At least the expensive leotard could be worn for practice as well as the shows where the girls who were doing dance bought these expensive costumes for the show and only wore them once (they were usually hideous too). After a couple of years as she advanced and went to a new school, the next level would have required 3 days a week for several hrs. At that time she was only about 9 yrs. old and I didn't feel that she should be spending that much time at one activity. Besides by that time I was divorced and also had little brother to lug around to all these practices. We spent a lot of time eating McDonald's because of course the pickup times seemed always to be right at dinner time. I was glad that she quit and started soccer, which had one practice a week and the game was on Sat.

Then in high school she started track, which had practice every day after school and they got out too late to take the late bus home, but at least I did a car pool w/ a couple of other girls so it wasn't every night. I would have gone to the track meets but realistically for someone who is doing the 100 meters, you blink and you miss it. At least now she can drive herself.

The ironic thing is that she complains that we don't have enough money to do things like pay for her to go to a private college. Even though I'm a lawyer, I stuck w/ a lower paying job where my boss gives me flexible hours (of course he doesn't pay me when I'm not at work either) just so I would be able to do things like pick up the kids from school and take them to practice. Maybe someday when she is working & has kids and is trying to do all this stuff, she will appreciate it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 1:47pm
I know exactly how you feel. I've done the football, baseball, basketball, chorus, band, cheerleading, scouts and 4-H thing for probably close to 17 years now, and I'm pooped!!! The worst was when I had 2 seniors, a freshman and a 6th grader, all with their own activities. I thought I'd loose my mind. Now that I'm just down to my DD in the 10th grade, life is almost boring, but the high pace I was going for awhile there about had me totally crazy, and I'm kinda glad that life has slowed down some.
Rose
Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 1:51pm

Oh yes I can relate - dd was in dance when we first moved back to the states and she would have made the competition team. She started cheering about the same time dance started and at first, for the football squad there were no conflicts. At the same time, my ds11 was doing soccer. I am essentially a single mother (military wife - geographically separated) - so at that time I was carting the 2 of them all over the place to games, practices, classes. Then dd made the basketball/competition squad and it conflicted with dance class and dd made the decision to drop dance.

This last 3 months w/ dd have been a blur - mostly of drs appts and (when she could) making it to gymnastics, cheering practices and games. She is getting ready (if her health allows it) to start lacrosse and (again if her health is okay) do an invitational competition cheering team. On top of this, she would like to start going to a gym. Plus this summer she plans on working and going to driver's ed, in addition to the gym, gymnastics and a cheering team. Sadly, ds announced he doesn't want to play baseball this year, but it will make my life a lot easier!!




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 11:06am

My DD played volley ball and softball and basketball at school and travel softball so we had a very busy hectic schedule with alot of out of town travel and practices as well. I promise you in the next year or year and 1/2 life will probably get easier for you. She will be able to drive (a mixed blessing) and that will alleviate some of this.

To alleviate stress, I used to keep a book in the car to read during practices or pre-game warm-ups or between games in tournaments. Most of the moms would sit and talk to one another and honestly I felt that listening to their problems added to my stress so I would move my chair under a tree and read. I could concentrate on my book and not think about the laundry stinking at home or the grass that needed to be mowed or whatever. Sometimes, I would simply go to the car and take a nap. Try to make use of those practice times to do something for yourself.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 11:26am

My exhaustion doesn't come so much from daily activity, but from the mental part of being a parent to two teenagers ... i.e., the worry that goes with the territory.

 

 

 

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 12:53pm

Boy am I in this line. My ds14 is working on his Eagle project and his feelings about scouts have waned, and he's not on a team and only does one after-school activity on a somewhat sporadic basis, so I'm not running around with him THAT much. Yet my job has me swamped lately; I usually work 9 hour days, up at 5:30 to be online seeing what our German contrator is doing, and lately we often have meetings that run during the evening and on weekends. So that throws off any 'regularity'. And ds has had a very rough freshman year; I'm very proud to say he pulled up last semester's C- in geometry to a B- this quarter (each semester starts fresh; he knows he has to now maintain that). His second roughest class (now down to a C-) is world studies where he has to read a section, take notes, take a quiz, and THEN be taught the material - as an extremely visual spatial kid who never took notes til this year, and isn't great at it yet, this is not good for him! He's just finishing 8 weeks of vision therapy for convergence insufficiency, which will hopefully help test taking as well. So I'm just usually emotionally drained with his ups on homework/classwork and downs on quizzes/tests that are now worth SO much more than they were in MS. I guess I should step back and not ride that coaster, but that's hard!

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 2:24pm

I got to a point where I stopped going to all the games my boys played. There was a time all three were playing the same sport and two were on travel teams. Then there was the overlap of soccer and baseball and two playing baseball, one on travel.

My DH lived for this stuff. I enjoyed it when they were younger;partly because I was a stay at home mom and it was a diversion but it was milder then. When they got older and cliques formed and things got uber competitive, it just wasnt me. And I was working, dinner had to be cooked, etc

I simply stopped and, surprise, surprise, the world didnt end. Im not sure why we as a society have equated 'good parenting' with 100% attendance at extra curricular events but we have and that was a very difficult decision for me to make

I was much happier, much more relaxed and yes, when momma is happier, everyone is happier. I also felt more in touch with DS3 who I think got lost in the shuffle of all those activites. I have serious regrets about that; I have 3 children and with all the activities ds2 was involved in, I feel, in 20-20 hindsight, we sometimes neglected the other two.

So, seriously, if you continue to be tired? Drop her off and go home, miss a performance, take your son shoe shopping, etc. Not every time-just some of the time.

Its going to be a hard fall for YOU when she goes to college the way things stand

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 7:04pm

Thank you all for your replies and yes I hear ya -- maybe I'm going to miss these times when she's older ... but for now I need to find ways to relax.

Believe me having her okay with doing her own makeup is a huge relief in of itself. And not having to be there to get her into costume -- also good. But there's still all the to and from stuff and the prework to run around and get the things she needs.

This week I have a day off work and its entirely about getting her stuff -- her makeup, her accessories, getting her to an appointment to be "waxed"....etc etc...

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