Do you get to know their SO's families?

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Do you get to know their SO's families?
14
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 3:36pm

My dd and J have been dating for almost a year now. Dh was home for the weekend and was doing lots of odds and ends around the house. DD went to J's house for a family gathering (which is ALL the time) over the weekend and when she came home, she relayed the message that J's family wanted to get together with us. Dh told dd that he didn't have time this weekend (he left this morning). I feel kind of rude now. I'm not a terribly social person. I have formally met J's mom once and we briefly chatted at J's house when dd got her braces off (lol 6 months ago!!). I've spoken to J's dad once, again briefly as we passed in their driveway. Our extended families have known each other in passing for years. I would love to get to know them better, I'm just so terrible at this. I hate hosting things at my house and if I did I would rather dh be here too (he's the sociable one.) Should I invite his mother out to lunch or something? IDK I am sooooo bad at these types of things..... I just feel bad turning down the invitation and knowing dd, she was blunt about it (lol "Dad doesn't have time" sounds kind of rude doesn't it?)

***For those that don't know, dh is active duty military and is stationed in another state. We are still married lol, but living apart for the next 5 and a half years lol***




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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 8:03pm

My DD and S have been dating for a year and a half. In the past six weeks, things have changed and become rockier between them. In this year and a half, I have gotten to know his mom and just think she is lovely. I've been invited to her house for a party (candle party)and over Memorial Day, our family was invited to their home for a cookout. It was fun, despite the fact that S's dad is not extremely social. I'm finding now that DD and S are still dating but things are not as 'rock solid' as they once were, I don't feel as comfortable suggesting that we have them over for a social event. I'm not even sure how I'd feel about running into his mom in the grocery store. Oh, I know she'd be perfectly pleasant, but I guess there is a part of me that is very upset with her son for treating my DD in a way that is less than she deserves. It makes ME feel awkward, even though she probably is completely unaware of the problem. So I guess what I am saying is that there are times when NOT being social with your child's SO's parents can be a good thing too. It's tricky because if you do get to know them, and find that you enjoy them, what do you do once the kids break up? It's a weird, temporary sort of friendship.

Nancy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2007
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 11:20pm
I'm sort of in the same boat. My dd and her boyfriend are only 15, but act like they're engaged. He is an only child and his parents have entertained, hosted, and included my dd in many family activities. My dh and I, on the other hand, have four children (ages 7 through 15) and rarely entertain or go out unless it is for a child's activity. I feel like I should reciprocate, but we are not able to keep up with the Jones' in this case. I feel a lot of pressure, but don't feel comfortable socializing with the boy's family. We didn't even know them until three months ago.
Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 11:30pm

Thank you all for your input and experiences. I'm not quite sure what I am going to do. I'm not brave enough to extend an invitation (yet) lol... I'll play it by ear and see how it goes. It's gotten to the point that we (his parents and I) joke with each other through J, so I'm lightening up a little bit :D Maybe when their official 1 year comes up we can get together as a group or something or just wait for the football games and use that as my opportunity.

I CAN do this lol - I'm taking my challenge to make a new friend seriously!!

Interesting thought about how that works when they break up too, I didn't even consider that.




iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 12:21pm
Interesting topic.
We don't socialize with the parents of DD's boyfriend.
He's a nice kid. They've been going out 7 months now.
I would think developing a friendship based on our kids dating would be a bit awkward after the inevitable breakup.
It's a great idea for older kids in a more serious relationship.

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