Do you let your teens' BF/GF stay over?

Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Do you let your teens' BF/GF stay over?
13
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 9:31am
Just wondering... I keep hearing about friends of my kids who have their BF or GF stay overnight. I don't know where they sleep. I do know that one friend has her BF stay overnight and sleep in her bed (granted he IS a nice guy and great BF and I think the parents would like the keep their relationship going), but I am quite surprised. My husband flat-out says NO. I let the BF stay one night when he was not feeling well. DD took care of him and they did not sleep together. There was one night she stayed at his house on the couch. Now, however ... "the horse is out of the barn" and she is always asking if he can stay overnight. She says she will sleep on the cot (in the same room) and he will sleep on the bed. Last night she asked and I said no... that they should just sleep at their own houses. Of course she said, "Why, you let him stay before." Then she tells me about close friends of ours who do this all the time and the BF is a freshman and dd's friend is a junior. Other friends do this too. What are your opinions on this?
Debbie

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 10:04am

Only a few times has a g/f spent the night here.... and she wasn't exactly a g/f anymore.... S's fiance stayed here 3 or 4 nights the week before their wedding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 10:34am
No, we've never let the boys have girlfriends spend the night or vice versa.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 2:06pm

My first thoughts when I read your post were "No Way!". But like Pam, I may find myself in a "you just never know" situation.

DD is just 14, does not date and as far as I know, hasn't had a real boyfriend yet. She goes to a school that is an hour away and the majority of her school friends live at least that distance away, quite a few even further.

So when the time comes she wants to spend time with a boyfriend from her school, rather than send him off on a 60 minute or longer drive home, I think I might allow him to spend the night. (think and might being key words here)

He would have to sleep downstairs on the sofa bed in the den, though, and DD's room is upstairs, right across the hall from mine and right next door to DS's room.

But if it was someone who didn't live so far away, I really don't think I'd allow it, unless there were unusual circumstances ... like an illness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2001
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 6:06pm

Just recently I have let my kids bf and gf stay the night. We have had a few good snow storms and icey roads and didn't want neither one of the kids out on the road. Now they are asking every weekend if they can stay. I wouldn't have a problem once in a while if they stayed. But really don't want to brecome a habit every weekend.

Melisd

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 8:36pm

Not in high school unless it was unsafe driving conditions

Once they have left for college or work, even if they return home, I would let it pass

We took our 20 yr old son and 18 yr old GF on a weekend trip with us; they live together so we got them their own motel room. DH was a little leery but got over it

High school is sooooo young to me

I cant even fathom liking a high school GF/ BF so much Id actively work to keep her/him interested in my child!

But then I married at 27-different perspective I guess(NOW thats a common age to marry-I was just ahead of my time ;))

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2006
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 10:55pm
I haven't yet let that cow out of the barn, and I don't intend to! But it's very hard nowadays - so many parents allow sleepovers, either one or a bunch of guys and girls. It makes me crazy. Personally, I believe that we are fighting a very tough battle, but if we can somehow help our kids to understand that intimacy is sacred, there might be a chance they'll go along with your rules. I don't even let my girls bring boys into their bedrooms! To me, that's "private space" - and boys want what's most private; once it's given, it loses so much of its mystery and power. Good luck!
Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 1:29am

I know of kids at the high school that are allowed to have a bf/gf spend the night, I presume in the same bed. I do not allow that. I DS is allowed to have girls in his room if and only if the door stays open, all the way open. The ONLY reason he's allowed to have girls in his room is because he has much, much younger brothers and it's the only way they'd be able to have quiet time. It's not like they can pop in a movie appropriate for them in the same room that a 2 and 5 year old are in. And the little boys would be all over them. So, I allow it, For this 1 kid only. NONE Of my other kids will have the same privilege. My DD is 11 and has friends in her room, boys and girls, but she has different rules. And those rules change when the oldest moves out and she moves to the bigger room. Then, she will not be allowed to have boys in her room.

I think it's insane and only asking for trouble to allow a bf/gf to spend the night. My dad let my bf spend the night 1 time. He was to be on the couch, I had to be in my room with the door closed. My dad is a very light sleeper, so we stayed right where we were. The only reason he let him stay was that he'd driven me home from his place in another bordering city and the fog was so thick, we couldn't even hardly see. He brought me home because I was supposed to be home, even though it was dangerous, because it was a school night. Dad thought we were pulling something until he looked out side. BF went home before I left for school, after the fog had a chance to lift a little.

Also, though, for me, to allow a bf/gf to spend the night would be promoting premarital sex, which I happened to be opposed to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2000
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 11:53am

OMG...you guys are freaking me out!!! These are high school kids, right? I never even considered this as a possibility!!!

We live way out in the country, so I suppose if there was a storm or fog or something, we would pull out the sofa-sleeper for him in the living room. But for him to stay in her room, even in her bed?? This wouldn't happen. I can't even imagine DD asking.

I have a headache now...I don't think I can deal with all this today.

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 2:15pm
Only if DH slept with BF and I slept with DD. There is NO way was would let it happen otherwise. Hormones are too hot at this stage in life and we will not create an opportunity to act on them.
Just my 2 cents.
Karyn
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 8:25pm

We do allow it with our dd, in fact her bf just went home yesterday after spending two days with us. Our dd is the most trustworthy teen i know, we have a VERY close, open relationship with her. Granted there have been some less than perfect boys in her life, I have been very liberal. They know our rules, they respect them. All of her best friends with one exception are boys, they are at our house ALL the time but we absolutely love them, they are like an extended family for us. They all come here because we spend most of our time as a family and most of them come from broken homes. Our house is small and we usually have 5 or 6 kids here on the weekend, therefore they sleep wherever they can find room, usually the familyroom or her bedroom. Most of these boys are like her brothers and are very protective, the bf knows he is taking his life in his hands if he tries anything he shouldnt. But we dont have to worry about that because he is a very nice kid.

I met my DH when i was 15, he is 6 years older than me. He lived an hour away and obviously had his license. We live in snow country, there were many nights that he could not get home because of the weather. After our first year of dating he was involved in a serious accident and was not able to drive for a while and all of his doctors were in our town. My parents decided it would be better for him to move into our house instead of making a painful hour long trip back and forth every time he had an appt. His rehab took 6 months, he continued to live with us after that. He took my brother's old room. There were nights that we spent in each other's room and eventually my parents knew that. My mother and I were as close as i am now with my dd. As long as we used protection and took responsibility for whatever happened they were ok with it. They had 3 older children, they knew if it was going to happen they couldnt do much to stop it. We have been together 22 years, our first child came after we were married five years. Anyways I guess it's because of the trust our parents had in us that we are so trusting in our kids.

Pages