Do you let your teens' BF/GF stay over?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Do you let your teens' BF/GF stay over?
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Sat, 02-18-2006 - 9:31am
Just wondering... I keep hearing about friends of my kids who have their BF or GF stay overnight. I don't know where they sleep. I do know that one friend has her BF stay overnight and sleep in her bed (granted he IS a nice guy and great BF and I think the parents would like the keep their relationship going), but I am quite surprised. My husband flat-out says NO. I let the BF stay one night when he was not feeling well. DD took care of him and they did not sleep together. There was one night she stayed at his house on the couch. Now, however ... "the horse is out of the barn" and she is always asking if he can stay overnight. She says she will sleep on the cot (in the same room) and he will sleep on the bed. Last night she asked and I said no... that they should just sleep at their own houses. Of course she said, "Why, you let him stay before." Then she tells me about close friends of ours who do this all the time and the BF is a freshman and dd's friend is a junior. Other friends do this too. What are your opinions on this?
Debbie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 9:13pm

I just glance at the outline view of the other responses, but I have the distinct feeling they are along the line of "when pigs fly."

I would NEVER allow a bf to spend the night for no good reason - as in a tornado has not torn through my town that evening (ditto an Ohio snowstorm), or some extroadiary-but-not-impossible situation that could crop up. In case of such an emergency (or unusual, unforseen, not repeatable situation), bf would sleep on the couch in the basement (nevermid that we are just in the process of finishing said basement and there's not couch there - yet) and dd would sleep in her room. They would retire to their respective sleeping places before one of the grownups went to sleep ... and we'd let them know we'd sleep very lightly. We have an old house with creaky stairs. It is impossible to sneak down them (if an adult is paying attention - and we would be).

Dd had a super babysitter, Tiffany, from the time she was four until she no longer needed a sitter. Tif is truly a dream child - responsible, trustworthy - with super parents. When she was around 18, friends of both sexes crashed at her house on a regular basis after staying up late watching movies. It made more sense to her (very vigilant) parents than having them brave the country roads around here in the middle of the night. Tif doesn't drink and neither do her friends - I truly believe this was innnocent. It did change my mind somewhat on the co-ed sleeping thing. Or at least it made me say "never say never". My dd is only 14 though - and one-on-one is very different.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 10:09am
DD's b/f has stayed at our house three times in two years - once with the entire youth group, once with a group after winter formal and once b/c he got there and the roads got icy and we felt it was dangerous for him to drive home. She has not ever stayed at his house and it would have to be life-threatening before she would be allowed to. All three times, they slept in the living and I didn't sleep at all.
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 11:54am
My dd's BF has stayed over our house a few times, on the couch down the hall. Either because it was blizzarding out or it was late and he was falling asleep, we let him sleep on the couch. We're in a small house, all the doors are open and I know there is no hanky panky going on - they are both respectful of us and our house rules. Once, however, they fell asleep together in her room watching a movie (I was sick in bed and wasn't aware) and the next morning, I found him on the floor next to her bed, on a hardwood floor with only a thin blanket and pillow. It was actually funny. My H does not feel it's appropriate for the BF to stay over ever, but he also knows that they are not the type of kids to take advantage of a situation. Now, if it were my younger dd, I'd have to have alarms installed in the hallway to be sure her BF stayed on the couch.

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