Do you stick by your friends
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| Sat, 11-10-2007 - 9:05pm |
with the intensity of a teenager?
LOL loaded question, I know.
It just occurred to me as I was listening to Leah talking about the events of the past week - one friend expelled (actually encouraged to leave, so it won't show as expulsion on his record), two others suspended, and the whole 11th grade in turmoil.
Through all this I heard her as an individual, and the grade as a whole, trying to balance their unity, their "grade-ness", their loyalty to each other against their knowledge of right and wrong, and the school's administration's position.
On the one hand, I wish they saw it as black-and-white as I do = selling drugs is dumb, selling them in school (hash brownies) is SUPER DUMB, and both are illegal. But, they don't. Leah says "everyone knows he did a dumb thing, face it, he's a smart guy but he has no sense". BUT, "we have such grade unity". At this age, their friends are the most important people, and their loyalty to their friends may be their strongest attribute.
So, on the other hand, I admire the way they stick by each other, and it has made me reflect about friends that I've let fall by the wayside, friends I've been too busy to stay in contact with, etc, and I miss that intensity that we had in High School and College.


"I think I've transferred that loyalty to my DH and my kids."
Same here, but I don't think I ever had more loyalty toward my friends than toward my family. Sure, I wouldn't go and tell my parents anytime one of my friends did something wrong, but that's just part of being a teen. I didn't tell my friends everything I disliked about my parents, either. I have to say though, none of my friends ever did anything terribly wrong. There was underage drinking, but no one ever had alcohol in school that I know of. Zero tolerance didn't exist back then. Sure some kids had drugs in school, but they were not automatically expelled from the catholic HS I attended. First offenses usually ended up in supsensions and warnings of expulsion, and I think that is reasonable.
The zero tolerance policies criminalize students so that it is difficult for any friend to remain loyal--the guilty by association charge. And that is what the schools want for those kids--make them feel like they do not belong in society, they're nothing but scum. It is very easy for those who are criminalized and expelled to end up on the street, selling more drugs than they ever would have if they'd been given a chance in HS. If we want to transfer the danger from the schools to the streets, then we're doing the right thing. If we want to cut down on the drug problem both in schools and on the streets, I think what we're doing is very wrong. The zero tolerance policies are only overloading our already bursting-at-the-seams juvenile court system and exacerbating the crime problems in our communities. We already know what kids can do when they're bullied and shunned, why do we think we can improve safety in our schools by doing more of it?
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
I have only a handful of true blue friends and I am very loyal to them as they are to me...I don't have the time or energy for anything less. My main concern is my own little family. I have a couple of *friends* from high school, one from grade school, even, that I stay in touch with strictly via eMail and Christmas cards. I have one good friend from college who I only see when she comes to me. She has far more energy than I do, but I love her and have gained a lot from my years knowing her.
My son and his friends have been a group for a very long time. They are always there for each other, altho, of course, being guys, it is unspoken. (they are all 17-19) If someone has a death in the family, then that is where they all congregate. If someone is in hospital, they go. That makes me happy. Some or all have been in trouble at one time or another for doing something equally as stupid as selling pot brownies...they acknowledge the stupidness of it and move on. I guess that's a guy thing as well as a maturity thing.
Then I have a 14/15 in Dec. year old girl. She is very loyal to her friends, not necessarily her grade. Sometimes she scares me. She's tall and strong and sassy and smart...and daring...thankfully tho, not rebellious...I have to constantly reign her in as I fear she'll end up in trouble. She also looks out for her younger sister, altho at home they are at war maybe a quarter of the time. Urg.
Then there's the DD-12...no, not a teen yet in years, but she may as well be 16 for what she puts me thru. My baby. People have told me, yea, that one's going to be a handful and she is! The drama with her crowd is almost unbearable...7th and 8th grade. This one's mad at that one and she likes her boyfriend and on and on...and DD tells me every-thing with a capital E! *I hate
You rarely have the same sense of community in life outside of high school.