Does anyone else's kid do this?
My DD will tell me something that's going on in her life, generally a problem or something that confuses her, but then when I offer advice or try to talk about it, she says it's none of my business! She does this quite a bit, and I don't get it. When I tell a friend a problem, it's because I want their input, or at least another perspective. It never fails that she does this to me, why tell me something that she knows that I will want to discuss if she isn't wanting to talk? For instance, she started dating a boy recently who is a good friend of her best friend. She told me that she thinks her BF is in love with her best friend (the two of them grew up across the street from each other and have been inseparable since they were 6, but have never dated), when I tried to offer advice on how to handle the situation, she got upset and didn't want to hear it. Why tell me? This is a fairly common occurrence. She knows I will want to help, but she doesn't seem to want the help-even when I can see she's plainly upset. I don't understand why she'd tell me something upsetting,
Sounds like she just wanted a sounding board. Someone to voice a concern to.
Thanks everyone. This will be hard to do because I'm one of those people who needs to "fix" everything. When she told me what happened (her BF's ringtone for the other girl, "C",
The only times I offer anything like advice is when he tells me that he wants or is planning to do something that I know (not just fear) will get him in trouble.
Sue
Yep. When my DD wants to vent, she just wants to vent. Even when I'm pretty sure my advice would be helpful, she doesn't want it. Now when she starts in on something, I'll ask up front, "Do you want advice or do you just want me to pet you and say, 'oh, poor Abigail?'" which usually makes her laugh and diffuses some of her frustration.
They really just want to know that you think their emotions are valid. That's it. So say stuff like, "It sounds like you are really angry with that teacher," or whatever comes naturally, but don't (as in DO NOT NOT NOT) tell her how you think she should solve her problems. I think teens like to wallow for a bit before they figure out on their own
I agree with Sabr..
She doesn't want you to solve her problems. She just wants you to listen. With my own DD, she will call me up just to vent. I listen and murmur support.
What you need to understand, is that many kids don't want your ADVICE--or you to tell them what to do.