Does it matter who her *bestie* is?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Does it matter who her *bestie* is?!
12
Tue, 07-05-2011 - 11:09am

So the summer is off to a bit of a slow start..dd has returned from her visit from dads and has whined continuously that she is *bored* and never gets to see her *bestie*..during the school year she was friends mostly with boys, and told me had more in common with them than her girlfriends..okay. So it turns out she has been texting the boy she calls her lunch buddy from this past school year..not only texting, but she used up all of her minutes (300) in one day talking to him. Last week, they wanted to meet at the movies, and I thought this would be fine. So they decided on a movie, time etc.

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Avatar for scoutnut
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Sat, 07-09-2011 - 12:08pm

It is entirely possible for boys and girls to be just good friends, and nothing more. Especially if they have know each other for a long time.

That said, I think there might be more going on here. Using up an entire month's worth of minutes in one day, his mother paying for the movie tickets, hugs, etc.

If you don't want her to really "date" at 15, tell her. Talk to her about her relationship with her friend.

And if this is all because she is "bored", then the solution is simple - tell her to get a part time job. It will give her something constructive to do, and she can use her money to pay you back for her outrageous cell phone costs.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Fri, 07-08-2011 - 8:59pm

I can totally see this happening with my 16 yo DD. She has been in school with half of

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 11:11am

I notice that my Dd, who is 22, has maintained better friendships w/ the boys she was friends with from high school than the girls.

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 9:06am
I'd hazard to say in our (technical) profession the odds are pretty good of that happening! When I was in grad school (obviously older than a teen!) my bff was a guy - we even went to Boston together to visit a HS friend of his who was studying to be a doctor, and we stayed in the same room - but we were honestly bffs and had NO 'interest' in each other. We're still long distance friends, 30 years later...

Sue
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 8:11am

All of this depends on the two young people involved because it is very possible for a girl and a boy to be best friends and not girlfriend and boyfriend ever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 12:45am

Well, our DDs were just shy of 13 and 14 when they started hanging (mall, movies, school dances) with two guys from class over at the middle school. They all had season passes to the local Six Flags and water park and spent many happy days over there that summer, the next summer, the following summer and....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Tue, 07-05-2011 - 8:27pm

My 14 yo son's best friend is a girl, and although she may or may not regard him as just a friend, I can tell you that he definitely is romantically interested in her. And I'll bet that's the same for your DD's bestie. He probably does have a crush on your daughter, but if she's not interested, it's going nowhere. You do need to be more vigilant than you might with a female friend (all doors open, etc) because things could change and even if they don't, he might put your DD in an awkward situation by trying to kiss her or something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
Tue, 07-05-2011 - 7:28pm

hmmm. it sounds like she likes him as a boyfriend and he likes her as a girlfriend.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Tue, 07-05-2011 - 5:55pm

My 16yo's bestest friend is a girl, but she has three very close guy friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Tue, 07-05-2011 - 3:47pm
Hi Music..my oldest ds was best friends with a girl who had a son and they decided to *date*, it didn't work out, another story! But ds also is that way with the girls, but seems to always be dating this one or that one, but then he is going on 19. He broke up with the friend turned dating one, and within three days had already moved onto another. Ds has guy friends, but he is more interested in the girls as well.
According to my middle ds, you can't be just friends with a girl, it just doesn't work out that way. I told him he had friends who were girls in middle school and his reply was yes, but that he also secretly liked them.
I guess at this point with dd being only 14, I would much rather her go out to the movies and such with a friend, rather than worry about her wanting to seriously date.

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