don't know what to think.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2002
don't know what to think.....
4
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 7:06pm
My daughter is 15. I found a condom in her laundry. She deines being sexually active. I want to put her on birth control but she swears she isn't sexually active. She would be really mad if we made her go on birth control & told my husband (her father ) she wouldnt talk to us again. She claims the pants she was wearing were her cousins & that it was her condom. I don't know if I believe that. Why would she lie about it if I'm willing to put her on birth control ?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 12:38am

I'm probably not going to be much help, but maybe she is reacting to being found out? Or, do you think she is more worried about her _father_ knowing she may be sexually active than about you knowing? I told my step-d that if she decided to become sexually active, I would see to it that she was on birth control. She was really uncomfortable w/ the conversation until I said that I wouldn't tell her Dad about it.

Or, maybe it really is somebody else's . . . . I found a Planned Parenthood appointment card in my step-d's clothes about a year ago, and she told me it belonged to one of her friends. I didn't believe her, so I wrote down the date/time and then made sure that my step-d was where she was supposed to be (soccer practice) during the appointment time. Now granted, she may have changed the appointment, but that seemed like more work than she would want to invest . . . .

Good Luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 1:22am

Perhaps you could tell your DD that it is very important for her to explain to her "cousin" that condoms by themselves are a statistically unreliable form of birth control, and that she should encourage her to adequately protect herself if she is choosing to do this.

OTOH, finding a condom these days is not a 100% guarantee of vaginal intercourse. Unfortunately, many kids apparently are not considering oral as "sex."

<< She would be really mad if we made her go on birth control>>
Doesn't this tell you she's not having intercourse?

It sounds to me from the brief facts that she may be fooling around but not doing the big one.

And please don't give the "not ever talking to you" threat a moment of consideration. That one has been in the teenage bag of tricks since the dawn of time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 12:27am

Hi there. Try talking to her a bit more - maybe casually about relationships in general maybe during an outing together? A word of caution - my dd, only 13 (ugh) has been lying like crazy about her sexual activity. We are a family that I thought was open minded and have always encouraged honesty. The fact that she's being sexual bothers me yes, due to her age, but it bothers me more that she's sneaking around.

The fact that she has a condom, whether or not it's hers, is a good thing if she is having sex. But other writers are right, it's not enough protection all on its own. She should know that too.

cg

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 8:52am
I'm guessing she's embarrassed and is having a difficult time discussing it. If you're serious about the birth control, I'd just wait and approach her in a quieter moment.