Drunk 14 yr old DD / "cutting" marks...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Drunk 14 yr old DD / "cutting" marks...
12
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 1:06pm
I am very distraught right now.. please I need some good strong advice. My DD is 14 and a freshman. She is super super smart... in all honors classes with all A's with very little effort needed. She's very involved in school and is very beautiful and on the surface seems to have it all. However..... She has always had problems making friends. She seems to always have 1 best friend and doesn't put a lot of effort into nuturing other friendships. Her 17 yr old brother is a big school Jock and very popular. He seems to have unlimited friends. Enough background info...
Last night, DD went to a Halloween party with her friend. Her friend slept over. When I fell asleep they were in the basement laughing, talking, watching TV. I heard a bang about 3AM and woke up. I found DD totally Drunk and puking in the basement. Her sober friend was asleep in the couch. DD had opened our liquor cabinet and was plastered.. unable to stand, vomiting... disgustingly drunk. On the side of her wrists were 6 cut marks... not like she was cutting her wrist ... but shallow scratchlike marks. She was crying about how her has no friends and that we like her perfect brother more.
We had a similiar scary incident 2 weeks ago. Me and my husband had argued with DD about something. Me and husband left to go to a brother's sporting event and when we came home, DD was drunk. She had polished off Cosmo's left over from a party we had hosted over the weekend. Again, she had sat home alone and gotten totally drunk. We wrote off this 1st incident to being a teenager. I'm not so sure we made the right call here.
I think DD needs help... but I don't know what to do. I'm ashamed to say that I'm embarrassed to bring her to our doctor. How do I proceed? Has anyone had a similiar experience? Please help me as I can barely type through my tears and shaking. I am so scared. I want with all my heart to help her in the best way that I can. I don't want to leave her with some medical history of mental problems... maybe that isn't even an issure here. Who should I go to for help? Please give me your opinion on this. Thanks so much.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 11:51am
Good for you!! Getting that alcohol out of the house is big. I agree with pp that you shouldn't do this through the schools for obvious reasons. If your ped didn't know of a good counselor recommendation (shame on him BTW) then I might just start calling in the phone book. I don't know if you are in a big city or what is out there for you. In this case, I might be inclined to select a pychiatrist (MD) over "counselor" (non-MD). With everything in life, you gotta kiss some frogs on this one. If you don't like the first one, switch to another. Please don't be ashamed, you are doing the right thing by addressing a problem and moving forward. I promise no matter how horrific you think you've got it, your MD had heard wayyyyyy worse. Sometimes we all get off track and need direction. Your daughter is one step closer to getting it together just by virtue of the fact that her family is aware and doing something about it. GL!! Betty

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 12:36pm

Firstly it is very disappointing that your pediatrician would not have info on how to find your daughter some help. He should at least have referred her to a psychiatrist who could assess her situation for the possibility of depression.

But, you know, we all have to look after ourselves don't we. So here's some suggestions:

1. Do you live in an area with access to a "kidshelp" line? They are hotlines that could get you to some agencies that specialize in teens.

2. Are there AA or Al-Anon chapters in your area? Your dd may not be a full blown alcoholic but they would know of other agencies.

3. Look in your yellow pages or phone directory under "therapists" or "counselling".

4. If you or your husband work for a large corporation or union they usually have employee help lines that refer employees with personal or family issues to agencies and they may even help pay for them.

Don't wait. Do something now. Feelings of humiliation are nothing compared to the grief of losing a child to alcohol or drugs or worse.

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