ds 17 on friday...am i holding the rains

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
ds 17 on friday...am i holding the rains
14
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 11:37pm
well, i'll try and be brief. my ds 16 will be 17 on friday. my son since the age of 13 has taken zoloft /clinically depressed they said. well, i have never seen the bad in my son. i guess that's what most moms do. oh, since toddler/kindergarden the teachers would tell me , "he's a likable child but he's disruptive to the class" . straight through to 8th grade. but his grades were awsome. smart kid. into highschool he had matured and the disruption simmered down i guess. i know now that he smokes pot on occassion and he smokes cigarettes. i believe he drives fast because when we are with him, we constantly have to tell him to slow it down. omg, this kid is scaring me. now today he tells me he wants to join the marines :( i know they want to serve their country. but i don't want him to. we are in a war and my son has no disapline. he doesn't seem the material. my nephew is now in iraq for a year and we have just been crazy with worry. he has his prom on friday. he wants to go to a party til 12 then to another party and sleep over. i am just so scare to let loose and let him go. am i being crazy about this. i know they grow up and you have to let them venture but i know what's out there, i know what i was doing at age 17 and i don't want him doing it. it's worse now days. should i chill a little? i don't me on the drugs or smoking either about chilling..i am on his care constantly. i know he doesn't drink alcohol.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 12:34am

I completely understand your concerns. Personally, I would be scared to death if my 17 y/o wanted to join the military (war or peace-time). However, I didn't come from a military family and have no first hand knowledge of it. It might be that the military may be good for ds. I have watched a couple of kids in the church group go through ROTC and they have matured alot b/c of it. They are more disciplined and more respectful than before but the part that amazes me the most is that they are more concerned about others than before. They are required to complete so many hours of community service. They could easily get those hours through our church mission projects but they usually don't count those hours - they enjoy doing things for others. One of the students has begun to volunteer at the nursing home feeding a patient on Sundays so her DD can have a meal with her DH and kids. The other one has started repairing appliances for foster moms. His uncle owns an appliance repair shop and taught him to do minor repairs. Most foster parents can't afford to buy new appliances often so he does this b/c he wants to.

So far as the party after prom goes, my DD was almost 18 on her prom night and she wasn't allowed to stay gone all night. She and some friends went to a couple houses afterward but had to be back here by 2:00 am. They camped out here where we could keep an eye on them. She realizes she messed up with alcohol when she was younger and that she has to earn my trust back. For the most part, she's gotten it but it wasn't easy. I think they need to know what the rules are and what the consequences are for breaking them. Just b/c they are 17 (or even 18) doesn't mean our job is done - they aren't grown yet!

Good Luck!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 7:43am

You know, I wasn't going to pop in here this morning, but in the end decided to make a quick fly-by.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 10:15am

<>>

I have shared before how difficult the military was for my brother. And my belief that it truly is better suited for certain personalities

My brother was and still is an extreme introvert. He needs his alone time and has lived his life with his wife and 2 kids on 100 acres on woods-runs a business out of his home-homeschooled the boys all the way through. He never played sports-didnt even shoot a basketball in the drive. It was reading books and playing with electronics(now its computers but we didnt have PCs back then)He had no interest in physical activity

It's clear to me what a struggle living in barracks with all those guys on bunks must have been. The physcialness of basic training? No alone time?

I mean forget the fact that it was the VietNam war-it just wasnt for him and wouldnt have been a whole lot better if it had been peace time

My oldest and youngest are like my brother. My middle son OTOH is into sports and physical activity and yes, my challenging child in so many ways

I think he would do well in the military; I am not surprised to hear those were the types of kids who end in up in the marines

My youngest at 14 NEVER gets in trouble or talks back. He does what he is supposed to do immediately unless he honestly forgets. I cant recall punishing him since he was 3 or 4!!!
We dont even raise our voice to him.

Someone in his face-yelling? Hed be a basket case.

My middle one would want to yell right back and would do well with the consequences THAT earned him

So, yeah, I think the OP's son is suited personality wise. I think its the compliant ones who would have a hard time with the discipline

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 1:13pm

I know I've said this before, but I don't think Zoloft and weed probably mix together very well...could even be some of the reason for the sickness you talked about in a previous post. Does the dr. think its okay for him to take Zoloft and smoke weed, or does he even know this? If you know, I think it becomes your responsibility to tell him.

I'm not going to comment on the service, other than to say that yes, I'd feel just the way you do...very frightened. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 1:34pm

You're right, a true introvert such as you described your brother to be would have a very hard time with the communal living and lack of privacy in the service... and all branches are like that.

Avatar for mily12
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 7:49pm

I know that it's hard to do, but we have to let go. I wish I could keep my two in a bubble, all safe and secure, but unfortunately, we can't. They need to learn certain things on their own. The best we can do is teach them right from wrong and then hope that when they are out by themselves, they remember our lessons.

I don't think it's such a bad thing for him to go to prom, to a party and then sleep over at a friends. I would just try to get as much information as possible. Does he have a cell phone? If so, you can have him call home or you can call him at a certain time(whatever makes you feel better).

Hugs,
Mily

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 8:01pm
hit peditrician knows of the pot. i had my suspecions and when i took him for the stomach problem, i called the doc back and expressed my concern and told him i wanted the full drug test done. so i did and that's how i verified my suspecions. i did not tell my son how i knew. actually, my dh and i sat down w/him and told him that we noticed the mood changes in him and we felt as though there was something he needed to tell us .. he admitted to it at that point and swore it was just a thing w/his friends and not a daily thing that he incorporates in his daily routine..that doesn't matter..i don't want him doing it at all...truthfully, i did in highschool ..from 9th grade probably til after i was married. still doesn't make it ok, i was wrong too. so when we went back to the doc., i didn't think to call ahead and tell him not to mention it. so as soon as he opened up his file he threw it in my son't face and said. i guess we discussed this. so now my son thinks i tricked him. :( i am afraid of the military. i do believe that he would benefit from the training. God knows he needs to mature and act differently.
Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 2:50am

I'm only gonna touch one thing in your post, and I know I should just keep my big mouth shut, but I'm just gonna say it. Why is it not ok for your son to serve his country in war, but it's ok in peace? Service is service. They are volunteering to defend and serve, regardless the state of the union. It's not just a great place to get an education and a pay check. I say, if he wants to go, then this country needs him. What better place to get discipline than in the marines.

But, that being said, he can't go in the military, so he needs to start looking for something else. He has to be off his med for a year or more and have doctor cerification that he is ok without them or they won't take him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 7:50am

<>


Thank you, my thoughts exactly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 11:45am
Why is it not ok for your son to serve his country in war, but it's ok in peace? i did not say it was not ok, i said i would be scared and we don't want him to go. as is every other parent that has a son or daughter over there. my nephew has been in the hot zone in iraq for 16 months, i know he has been in very bad situations and i think he was shot at a few times but he cannot really tell us anything and hopefully will come out safely next month. we are afraid for him. AND we are proud of him. he has made great accomplishments since joining and we have noticed a big change in him. he is a man w/many serious responsibilities. he actually was promoted to Sgt or what ever the title is for the commanders. we should protect our country. my husband and my nephew's dad(my brother) both served their country in the Army. i'm glad you touched on this so that i can clarify myself. he's going at age 18 with or w/o my consent. my husband quit highschool in 10th grade to join because of the family situation he was in. his father was a drunk and left the family of 7 children and his mother got her self a new husband and my husband was out of the house and nowhere else to go. the army served him well. services would probably be a good place for my son to help him mature and mold into a fine young man. a mother's fear is to not lose their son in death. he just turned 17 today. the day of his prom. i am terrified about tonight. i can only take one terrifying day at a time and i can appreciate what you said. peace for now, Theresa

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