DS and GF, weird or new generation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2006
DS and GF, weird or new generation?
14
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 4:17am
OH please help me. I may be old fashion but there's somthing to be said for that! DS has gf. Both in hs. Ds is senior, GF is junior. Spent every day afterschool until curfew (8:30 on school nights to leave time for SOME homework) together. I mean TOGETHER. Practically joined at HIP! Drives me insane. He can't move 2 ft w/o her trying to be in physical contact or within his normal 'personal space'. Her family life not that of the Cleavers, and she's realized what a gem she found in DS. Her father I think also realizes so he encourages relationship. DH and I worried about relationship. DS blogs. Have read blogs from both teens, talk of 'one for me', and 'someday getting down on 1 knee for you'.. HELP! both FAR too young in my opinion for that kind of discussion!
We try to never leave them in a house alone. GF's father agreed but he travels and Stepmom feels no need to 'babysit' HS students. DS knows he can't be at their home if no adult present, same for our home. DD says DS's schoolmates not like GF. The two NEVER do things with other teens. They sit around watching TV/Movies together. Sometimes bake in the kitchen. Have invited GF for dinner practically DAILY, won't join us so they either don't eat, or will buy fast food (I suspect at DS's expense, and he not have job right now!)
Fueling my 'panic' ... found condom in dumpster at our home. Had 'general' discussion about premarital sex, how girl can claim rape even if it wasn't and DS could be in BIG TIME trouble and labeled sex-offender at THIS age! Have discussed religious beliefs and health issues. How future goals are abruptly changed when girl becomes preg. Still I dont' know if they did or did not or are having premarital sex. Am I overly sensitive? DS going to college in fall. Want to see him date other people, make friends with LOTS of people and not be 'tied' to someone still 'back home' (30 min way) still in HS. Sorry so long. Need advice to support or calm my fears. I just want what is best for both KIDS.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 6:29pm

DS18 'went out' with a girl last year from Oct. til March.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 6:55pm

I wouldn't get too worked up about it. In fact, if you do, you'll only push them closer to each other creating this "us against the world" mentality. TRUST ME they are really super dramatic at this age.

When I was in high school I knew alot of couples like this. Think about it, go through your year books, and you'll remember them too. Actually you might even remember people who eventually married who met in high school. Its not really as unusual as you think. And if you think this is something generational -- come on -- how old were your parents when they married???? Current generations may play at serious but they aren't marrying that young anymore.

All I can say is do what you think you need to do but from my own personal experience, trying to break them up will only exasperate the situation. When I was 17 going on 18 and met my future husband (I was a junior and so was he), we faced opposition at every turn from my family. All it did was bring us closer together, adamant that this was OUR LIFE and no one would tell us what to do!!!!

We had a pretty good marriage for about 15 years with two beautiful kids -- after that point it kind of went downhill but, heck, there are no guarantees in life are there?

All I'm trying to say is, take it easy, relax, they're going to try to assert their independance whatever you try to do, so don't give them any reason to do so even more. And, you know, if there IS premarital sex going on, they wouldn't be the first nor will they be the last and they don't need to be at home alone to find a place to have sex. So make sure your DH has a frank conversation with your son about STD's and unplanned pregnancies and protecting himself, his future and his GF's well-being...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2006
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 7:10pm

I agree with many things that you say. I have no intention of 'breaking them up' as the forbidden fruit situation would soooo exist. Do NOT need that happening...

I came from a large high school. Was too involved in activities personally to take much notice of what others were doing. Yes, there were 1 or 2 couples that got married and yes, their marriages didn't last more than 12-15 years. You asked about my parents? They married in their mid-twenties after both had completed college and WWII. With today's marriage/divorce statistics, delaying marriage might not be such a bad thing afterall. I'm not going to force DH/GF into or out of marriage but have broached subject in the past with DS. He knows where we stand on 'young' marriage, Life goals, personal goals, etc. I think he has a pretty good head on his shoulders.. when he uses it (wink).

You're right, discussion with kids about STD's is important in today's society. That discussion has already taken place in our home and at school.

Thank you for your comments. I appreciate you taking the time to share them with me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 10:02am
We have the same dinner rule. I just go ahead and set and extra place at the table and assume the friend is staying - this goes for the bf AND her gfs. I don't ask, I just call them to the table. The current bf is weird about food ... he just picks. I ignore the picking ... at least he's sitting at the table.

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