DS doesn't have LD, but just unmotivated
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| Thu, 02-08-2007 - 5:23pm |
I have a 13y/o DS who is just totally unmotivated to do well in school. Ever since he went to middle school, he has been going downhill in grades. He is perfectfully motivated to do something fun. He has no problems learning and retaining information when it's something he is interested in. How can I motivate him in school? He had a myspace account (a downfall of society if I may say...at least for kids), which was taken away for bad grades. Didn't motivate him. We have tried several other punishments and reward offers to get him going. He has seen a psychi. and he is very intelligent, not LD, is very much a deep thinker and very intellectually mature for his age according to the Dr. Why can't he see that school is something he needs to step up and do better at. It's not like we want A's (although he is very capable at getting them), C's would be acceptable. He has F's and D's in most subjects.
Help and thanks for the chance to vent :)

I remember for myself, as well as my oldest DD, middle school is a time of great stress. The classes are different and you're usually with a lot more students. Puberty is large change for a lot of children and they're trying to figure out where they fit in the pecking order of the flock. It also sounds like, with your DS, that he might be bored with some of his classes. Have you tried talking with him, his teachers, or the councellor at school? Is there something you can get him interested in outside of school? Something that will help motivate him, or at least keep his self-esteem up.
Best wishes!
Sallie
Once you talk with the teachers, you need to get an handle on where the bad grades are coming from
This probably means having a detailed understanding of how they grade-more than you thought youd have to know at this point in your life!
Is he passing tests and not doing the homework? Failing tests but still turning in assignments? Both? Are there opportunities for extra credit he is not taking-some teachers give points for having papers signed or bringing in a box of kleenex.
I had a long talk with my LD freshman son's Algebra teacher last night and it was productive. She suggested he go to every other problem for homework and shared her perceptions of his issues which were comfortingly similar to mine(no solutions but nice to know she cares enough to notice)He will also start attending the after school help sessions held three days a week
Sometimes middle schools hold study sessions too but dont advertise them-ask! Your son may not need actual help but if he is going to have to sit at school after hours, he might as well do the work, KWIM? A month of that might also change his tune
I think our DS's were separated at birth! This is the absolute first time I've ever even looked at iVillage and I did it specifically looking for some sort of answers or confirmation that what my husband and I are dealing with is normal! Our DS is also 13y/o and in the 8th grade. An only child, he is very sensitive and doesn't take well to teasing. He's a big kid, but is allowing a much smaller kid to embarass him in front of his peers because he doesn't know how to play dirty. His grades are falling, but that has more to do with the fact that he's about the laziest person on this earth. And this coming from a mother who loves him dearly! He doesn't "get" that his job right now is school and that everything he does academically from here on out - counts for a whole lot. We've tried private tutors, working with him on organizational and study skills and the whole barrage of punishments intended to modify his behavior. He doesn't even seem to care when we take away priveleges or ground him from doing fun things. It's almost like we are punishing ourselves. Do you feel this way too? Is it simply a "boy" thing or am I just overreacting to perfectly normal adolescence?
KB
It does sound like they could be twins. My DS was (and still is sometimes) very sensitive to teasing too. He has either gotten better with it or hides it well. I think he finally gets that the people are kidding with him. Anyway, yes I do feel like we are punishing ourselves when we try to impose punishments on him. I have stepped up our organizational trys with him. I just bought a whiteboard with a calendar layout, notes section, and bulletin board portion. Hopefully, something will click soon. You also sound like our twins. My DH and I have given my DS a similar speech..."you have to get serious...this is your only job...school only gets harder."
Anyway, thanks. I'll post anything that helps.