DS in Tears on Last Day of School

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
DS in Tears on Last Day of School
15
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 2:32pm

I guess the fact we're moving away finally hit DS. When I picked him up after the last day of school just a few minutes ago, he was in tears. Saying goodbye to his friends was harder than he (or I) realized it would be for him. I've tried to 'talk up' the moving thing while acknowledging the scariness at the same time but this is my sentimental, don't like change, kid and seeing him so upset is just awful!

I made up some little business cards last night that have our new address, his cell phone number, email address and his im sign on so he could pass them out to all his friends but he said he had to have one of his friends do it. It was too hard for him.

Thankfully, his bff came home with him so he's not alone feeling bad -- at least he has company to feel bad with. I gave him a huge hug, but there isn't much I can say that will help much. Ugh.

DD on the (extreme) other hand, has barely a second thought about this move.

I know I'm just venting here, but ... any advice or suggestions?

Thanks,
Julie

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 2:36pm
Hugs to all of you! We went through this a few years ago. Although my kids were quite a bit younger (7 and 9), my son had a really hard time with the move, while my daughter didn't bat an eye. She was focused on all of the new things she'd be able to do and the new friends she'd make. My son, on the other hand, was very focused on what he was losing instead. The good news is that they do finally adjust. Staying in touch with friends via e-mail and AIM is so easy and can keep their friendships strong despite the distance. I know this from experience. You might also want to plan a trip back to your current home, so your son can look forward to that. Or maybe he could invite a friend or two to come out and visit you in Colorado. I think that if you can make him see that he doesn't have to lose his closest friends, it might help in the long run.
Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 2:45pm

awww, Julie, I'm so sorry it hit him that hard. :( Bless his heart.

I don't really have any advice at all; we have never moved from our little town, but wanted to send you and your ds both big ol' {{{{hugs}}}}. It may just be something that he just has to grieve over. I would just acknowledge his feelings and offer lots of love and a shoulder to cry on.

btw, the business card idea is pretty cool!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 3:53pm

Thanks for your words of support ... it's just really a tough thing to go through, knowing that it *is* going to be tough and that there really are no guarantees on the other end. That said, though, DS seems to be a very well-liked kid and I am sure he will be just as well-liked in Colorado. It just may take some time, he may be forced to step outside his comfort zone and 13yo's live mostly in the here and now.

Yesterday he went to his bff's birthday party, and I made up a coupon and put it in with his card for a round-trip ticket to Colorado to visit DS. I thought about asking his mother if he could drive out with us, but I think it will be better for DS to get there and find his way around with just us as his initial support. He and DD15 are very, very close so having her to lean on should be huge.

So, thanks again ...

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 3:57pm

Thanks, mitzi ... his bff is over, we rented a game and a movie and had some pizza. Sometimes things seem better after a good cry, so hopefully his little meltdown will be a but cathartic (sp?).

En route to the video/game store, I asked him what kind of puppy he wanted once we got to Colorado, and he said "really?". We actually did promise him one months ago, so that will give him something to look forward to.

Thanks for your hugs! Boy, do I need them today!

 

 

 

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 4:01pm

I almost cringe asking this, but does he have XBox Live? If so, maybe he could set up a time that he and his CA buddies could get on the headset and talk to keep in touch after the move - that's honestly one of the ways my ds14 likes spending 'time' with his friends. He likes the comfort of his own home once he's out of school, and he's gotten to play with kids from Germany, NY, etc. - he has a new 'best friend' on the east coast that he'll probably never meet in person, but they love gaming together. Obviously you have to control the amount of time, but it'd be a pretty cool way to keep in touch, IF you condone use of that system.

When we moved (granted, only 2 miles but to a kid who can't get around, that was the same as across country) he had a bit of a hard time letting go of old friends, but he really did enjoy making new ones. The beginning may be a bit rough, but it doesn't take them that long. Is there any kind of summer program (camp, school) that your ds's future school has? Maybe getting him involved in that (even for just a week) so he has met friends/classmates prior to the start of the school year would help too.

Sue, who also has a very sensitive ds

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 6:30pm

mega-HUGS for you and W - it's never easy to see our kiddos sad. You knew this would be hard for him, you've seen it coming, but it's still hard to go through.

It seems like you've done all you can - the business card thing was a good idea - with technology access, he'll be able to keep in touch. But I bet it's the more casual friends who he'll miss the most - his bff's will im or call or email, but just the guys in the hall might not, and all the other familiar things will be hard to leave, but I'm hopeful that once he makes the move things will be better. C has the advantage of having seen the house, the neighborhood, the local kids. Once W sees all those things, he may be happier.

I think the only thing you can do is allow him to be sad as long as he needs to - let him know it's OK to feel stressed, and overwhelmed, and sad. I'm betting that a few weeks in CO and he'll be back on the way up.

((HUGS)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 7:02pm

Thanks so much for your suggestions. DS does not have an xBox, and none of his friends do either! He does belong to a couple of on-line communities and I know he has lots of friendships through them. And alhtough I really would like him to spend less time on the 'puter, I recognize that these relationships will be very helpful initially!

I've been looking at the local Chamber of Commerce, Rec Center etc., websites in the town we are relocating to -- and have a line on a church witch what seems to be a large and active youth group -- and plan to get him involved in a few things as soon as we can. DD says there she saw some boys his age riding bikes and scooters on the street when she and DH were house shopping, so there may be some friendship opportunities right there.

Thanks again.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 7:10pm

I did know this move would be hardest on DS, but seeing his tears today ... it was like having the wind knocked out of me when I least expected it. And I should have been expecting it, shouldn't I have?

You're right, I do need to let him be sad and sort through his emotions as best he can. His school friends are, at present, e-mail and im happy, so I imagine he will stay connected for a while and that should help.

Not much I can do now but be ready with lots of hugs and sympathy. He and C are very close, so that should help too. She is ready to go and take on the town, dragging him along with her.

Thanks for your thoughts!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 8:20pm
No advice - we've been in the same area since Jason started kindy - but lots of hugs.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 9:18pm

The puppy is a great idea. About four years ago we gave our 5-yr-old dog away because we were traveling too much, and it was too hard taking her to the kennel and watching her tremble with fear each time. Because at 13 DS had started socializing more, and spending less time at home, and much less time with the dog, I thought he'd survive okay. But I regret it. A dog can do wonders for a child's emotional health.

My DS17 had a good friend who moved away after 8th grade and the kids kept in touch for a couple years, and then gradually grew apart. It seems he adjusted fine.

I know it's hard on them, though. Even with DS going off to college in two months, I can tell he's apprehensive about our moving to VA. We just found a townhouse there, but no luck selling our home here in MI yet. When do you move?

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