DS "thinks" he's in love and is making
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| Sun, 09-30-2007 - 5:25pm |
bad decisions left and right. He has been dating a girl since last May and it is not a healthy relationship. I've read many past posts about gf/bf issues and would like your take on this.
GF is very nice, but incredibly needy. She comes from a different type home, grandmother "raises" her while mom actually still lives in parents home and works. GF doesn't have a father in her life, and mom still drinks and parties; was actually nursing a hangover and couldn't go to her daughter's birthday dinner.
DS is "in love" with GF (15yrs. old, soph.), and his life has spun out of control from the get go. His grades have plummeted; from finishing his sophomore year with straight A's (we don't expect them, but he's very capable) to getting his interims Friday, an A (in chorus), low B, mid C and D. His classes are VERY hard, but he's choosing to im, text, email (major rules in place now) instead of focus on homework. (BTW, he insisted on taking these particular classes.) I figured this out after the first few weeks of school. He's lying about staying after school for help from teachers, and then spending extra time with her. She's telling other kids (parent's overhearing) that she's going to marry DS and have his children. She lives and breathes for my DS, you wouldn't even believe her letters, emails, etc. He has absolutely no self control - you give him 30 minutes for im, and he sneaks 2 hours to the detriment to his responsibilities. He just can't think straight - told us he sees nothing wrong with being this needy and close at this age. Agrees that he's helping raise her self esteem, but doesn't understand she's pulling him down as she's lifted up.
DS and I have always been so close. I don't expect him not to grow and change, but GF has completely taken over his life and common sense. His dad and I are at a loss other than give many new controls over his life since he can't do it himself.
Thoughts? Hugs. (I need them as I've been crying every night for a while.)


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I'm afraid I don't have any advice for you, so am sending you some {{{hugs}}} and a few tissues.
Many gentle hugs and I know exactly what you are going through.
I agree with Pam, don't criticize the young girl, criticize the behaviour and the affect on his school work.
wow - what I find most disturbing (and a little familiar) is the "have his babies" comment.
(((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))
I was there not too long ago and although I agree with the other posters about not trying to make it about the girl because it could cause them to be closer....I have to disagree to a certain extent.
Thank you. I know it will work out in the long run (that is if it doesn't kill me first LOL).
Lisa
I've been very careful not to directly put her down, just the situation. Oh, I wish the computer age wasn't here - it makes life a lot harder for parenting. I wrote out a contract for him to sign this afternoon, and it limits (not takes away completely) computer and phone time. If he chooses to break the rules, then he "chooses" to have them cut totally off. I don't want to completely break off his social life, just put things in perspective.
Lisa
I've worked very hard not to make it a "Romeo and Juliet" situation, but oh boy it's hard. I've had to keep DH from blowing and completely cutting off the relationship, which of course would be my druthers, but not realistic. We have offered to let her come over some on the weekends, but right now she feels uncomfortable (which I definately understand). After many discussions this weekend (which you can well imagine) I "think" he may get it enough to pull his head out of the sand. We'll see...
Lisa
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