DS "thinks" he's in love and is making

Avatar for imomtojd
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
DS "thinks" he's in love and is making
13
Sun, 09-30-2007 - 5:25pm

bad decisions left and right. He has been dating a girl since last May and it is not a healthy relationship. I've read many past posts about gf/bf issues and would like your take on this.

GF is very nice, but incredibly needy. She comes from a different type home, grandmother "raises" her while mom actually still lives in parents home and works. GF doesn't have a father in her life, and mom still drinks and parties; was actually nursing a hangover and couldn't go to her daughter's birthday dinner.

DS is "in love" with GF (15yrs. old, soph.), and his life has spun out of control from the get go. His grades have plummeted; from finishing his sophomore year with straight A's (we don't expect them, but he's very capable) to getting his interims Friday, an A (in chorus), low B, mid C and D. His classes are VERY hard, but he's choosing to im, text, email (major rules in place now) instead of focus on homework. (BTW, he insisted on taking these particular classes.) I figured this out after the first few weeks of school. He's lying about staying after school for help from teachers, and then spending extra time with her. She's telling other kids (parent's overhearing) that she's going to marry DS and have his children. She lives and breathes for my DS, you wouldn't even believe her letters, emails, etc. He has absolutely no self control - you give him 30 minutes for im, and he sneaks 2 hours to the detriment to his responsibilities. He just can't think straight - told us he sees nothing wrong with being this needy and close at this age. Agrees that he's helping raise her self esteem, but doesn't understand she's pulling him down as she's lifted up.

DS and I have always been so close. I don't expect him not to grow and change, but GF has completely taken over his life and common sense. His dad and I are at a loss other than give many new controls over his life since he can't do it himself.

Thoughts? Hugs. (I need them as I've been crying every night for a while.)

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Avatar for imomtojd
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Oh, you didn't scare me, we had that talk on Friday. We told him that although it may not be a probability, it was most definately a possibility and he needed to understand the consequences if that were to happen. Her mother had her at 16 (I think), so he does know it can happen.

I give you hugs also. Let's hope our kids make smart decisions for their futures.

Lisa

Avatar for imomtojd
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Julie, you don't know how much you helped me. I took some time and looked through your earlier posts (it is quite a pain to have to close and then re-find different posts in the past). I took a little of your tough love approach and wrote up a contract that I have edited throughout the day. I can't believe I had to go to this extreme, but he hasn't seemed to be getting the seriousness of the situation, so I had to spell it out. I may put it on a post later, just so others can hopefully gain a little from my experience, just like you did. I hope things stay status quo with you, and you can rest a little without worrying she will continue to "harass" your DS.

Did we sign up for this?

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007

"Did we sign up for this?"


LOL, No I don't think any of us truely knew what parenting a teen could be like at times.....no one would ever have babies LOL...that said,

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