The earlier post

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
The earlier post
22
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 1:21pm

about going out with old friends got me thinking.

Pam

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 1:43pm

Well, most of my friendships are with collegues at work. I have a very busy job so I don't have much opportunity but occasionally I will grab a group of women friends (and male friends btw) at the office and we'll go out for an extended lunch. We will laugh and gossip and relax and just try to feel human again. Sometimes we'll do dinner but admittedly its been a LONG time since I've done the dinner out with friends thing.

I have gone a few times to shows and stuff with friends -- concerts, etc. My sister used to get alot of tickets and she gave me tickets to see Stomp one year and The Producers another time. Took a good friend each time and we just went to dinner and a show. Great chance to do something fun, talk about our lives and provide some support.

A few years ago I travelled alot for work finding me often out of town in Calgary or Halifax or Montreal and those were great occasions for dinners out with friends from work. Also great occasions for just staying in a nice hotel room, ordering room service, watching a great movie (one that I like and doesn't involve wild teenage parties, video game characters or shoot-em-up car chases).

I look fondly on those few times when I relax that way. It doesn't happen often enough I admit. My husband is regularly out with friends -- he just takes off. And I admit I resent that because my first thought is for dinner, housework, the kids which gives HIM the luxury of an evening of cards or billiards with his buddies.

Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 1:43pm

"LOL - this probably makes me sound like a real loser that I have no friends - guess that's why I like Ivillage so much!"

Well Pam, if you're a loser, so am I LOL. Really I actually have been quite loneley this yr. When our DS's changed schools, we all got dumped by the people that we had made relationships with. Now that both DS's are in High school and I am really chosing not to make the same mistake twice. I don't work at relationships with their friends parents. I think that since we moved to TX, far away from all of my old friends, I always centered friends on the kids too. Now, I'm just to old and tired LOL to put in the effort. DH is my best friend, but I do miss female friends :( I like I-village too *grin*

Julie

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 1:45pm

I have a girlfriend that I speak with nearly everyday. I mean, we share just about every single event and aspect of our daily lives with one another. H sometimes gets annoyed because she knows everything or calls me when we're having our time alone together. Yesterday, H and I went out for the day (first time since dd's hospitalization) and it was fun. While bike riding my cell went off and it was this friend. I ignored the call but it bugged H that she had called. Later when we got home, my friend left a message on our machine and it said, "Where the heck are you today? Call me later - bye!" - it was pleasant and I didn't think anything of it. I didn't even call her right away. I waited until later when H was snoozing on the couch.

If I didn't have this friend in my life, there are many many times when I don't know what I would have done faced with some major traumatic events in our lives. I refuse to give that up.

I am also extremely close with one of my sisters who lives a 12 hour drive from me. We speak on the phone about twice a week for about 30 minutes each time. We also share everything with one another.

I have a friend who I meet for a light dinner at Paneras once a month and another friend I meet for coffee twice a month before work. I am an open person, so I have no problem bonding with and creating an intimate friendship with these woman. There are things I simply cannot share with my H because of his personality - he has a tendency to tell me to, "get over it, it's life" when what I really need is a sympathetic ear or someone to just reassure me everything will be okay and that's what I get from my girlfriends. The women in my life understand how I feel and some of them have thier own stuff that they are going through and share with me. We're there for one another and I love that.

Oddly, my very closest friend, the one at the beginning of my post, and I do not spend a lot of time together. Mostly on the phone, an occasional trip to the mall or a quick lunch following a nursery run in the spring. Lol.

H doesn't always understand my friendships, but he accepts them and knows that without them, he would be miserable because I would miserable...lol. H doesn't have many friends he hangs out with, though he does get calls from a couple of guys for poker but he never goes. And I don't know how much he confides in any of these guys. I know he does a little, but not a whole bunch - H is fairly reserved and has very uptight views about one airing one's dirty laundry, etc. HAhahaha -

If your H and your sons fulfill your needs, then you're batting 1000 in my opinion, Pam.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 2:37pm

I feel blessed that I have 3 really close girlfriends, and a fourth that is only recently becoming closer to me. I couldn't imagine life without them, honestly.

My DH has several friends, but they seem to come and go, and to me, that's what's hard to understand.

My best girlfriends I've known since I was 15, 20, 24 and 29. (46 now, Yikes!) We talk all the time, either on the phone, im, or spend weekends together.

I find that I make male aquaintances more easily now.

zz

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 4:32pm

I constantly email with ds's one friend's mom; they've been friends since 4th so we've gotten close; probably closer than the boys are any more! I also have a friend that I do go to dinner with a few times/year, but that's it; just one, and we were scout leaders for 3 years together and have boys (that don't like each other!) in the same grade.

As I'm in a technical field, I really don't have other female friends (only female engineer in the dept)...and I'm 300 miles away from family.

Sue

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 4:36pm
LOL I am the epitomy of a loser when it comes to friends!! We moved around a tremendous amount when I was a kid. I went to 16 different schools by the time I was in the 9th grade, couple that with the fact that I skipped 2 grades and was so much younger than everyone, friends were extremely difficult for me. I had one good friend when we lived in Germany. She now lives in Hawaii and we are in Maine. I am extremely close with 2 of dh's aunts here locally and somewhat close with my sister in law. Sadly my dd and my mom are my best friends. And my mom lives in Louisiana!! I'm hopeless.... hence my nervousness about meeting dd's bf's family.... I'm terrible in social settings!



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 5:27pm

Pam,
Don't we have a dinner date set????? LOL!

I know what you mean, though. We have a group of friends from church/school that we get together with about once a month. I don't really have a close girl friend/friends that I get together with, though. It's usually couples....

Karin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 5:35pm
LOL - I know it's time for our annual get-together but I'm not sure the official date has been nailed down. Sure will be easier when M is working back in the area, won't it?


Pam - Ivillage Community Leader

CL:
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 6:43pm

I am very lucky in that I have two girlfriends who I've known since L was in 1st grade. We got involved in PTA activities together, then started a weekly lunch, and now aim for every Friday (although it ends up mostly 2x a month). Between the lunches, AIM, and email, these women know just about everything going on in my life! I feel very lucky to have them.

I've got one or two others in S's school, who I've gotten to know (again through PA activities), but they're not there as "friends" yet. And there's 3 or 4 others that I met through Temple. I know they feel the need for "girlfriends" as I do, because as soon as their kids went to camp they started emailing me to get together!

I agree with the previous poster that my DH feels more comfortable just meeting up with a friend - I'm the one who thinks about dinner/kids/etc.

We try to get out once a month or so as a couple - and have had a harder time finding "couple" friends.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 7:27pm
I keep in touch with my two closest friends almost exclusively via e-mail because we don't live in the same town or even the same state. One I've known for 10 years. I met her when I lived in the Midwest, but we've been limited to e-mail and brief annual visits, usually when she comes to the East Coast for some reason. My other closest friend I've known since 7th grade. We usually have a running conversation going on all day via e-mail. It's fun because we talk about everything and nothing. LOL. I do have one good girlfriend nearby who I've known for about 20 years. We get together for lunch every month or so. She often includes my whole family in her family gatherings (we have no family nearby). My husband doesn't have anyone but former work colleagues who he'll get together with every so often. We do have one couple we've known for 25 years (another of his former colleagues). We meet them for dinner a couple of times per year. I have found it very difficult to make new friends since we moved here 6 years ago. I don't have a job, and my kids were already a little older (7 and 9) when we moved here. I tried joining clubs, etc., but nothing really worked for me as far as forming any new lasting friendships.

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