Earning the respect of your teen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2011
Earning the respect of your teen.
6
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 2:18pm

How do you earn the respect of your teen? Do you give them the freedom they want or the boundaries you know they need, even if they hate you for a while?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 11:07pm

This is really a tough one for many reasons.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 10-08-2011 - 8:30am

I find the way that you worded the title of this thread very interesting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Sat, 10-08-2011 - 1:57pm

How do you earn the respect of your teen? Do you give them the freedom they want or the boundaries you know they need, even if they hate you for a while?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Sat, 10-08-2011 - 2:30pm

Well, my off the top of my head answer is: Don't wait until they're teens to start earning their respect! The foundations of respect start at birth. When they're babies, you meet their basic needs and give them love and attention. As they grow, you set boundaries so they can learn self-control. This means following through with discipline, and not giving into tantrums or unreasonable demands. It also means being there when you say you wlll and keeping your promises.

In our case, it also meant not going to every single game and not saying yes to every single birthday party so they'd know the world didn't revolve around them, and teaching them to prioritize. We also tried to carve out couple time so the kids would learn respect for the marriage relationship and feel secure that their parents loved each other and wanted to spend time together.

Now that they are both teens, respect means not reading their private stuff, but making it clear that we reserve the right to if there's a serious problem, letting them know when we checked their FB wall (I usually post something silly there), expecting them to do their chores even though they have a ton of homework, picking them up on time (DD just has her permit), giving a budget for things like clothes and extras, and expecting them to sort out how to spent it. And yes, it also means yelling my head off occasionally when I've had it, and apologizing for my rudeness later. It also means standing my ground when they push back on something that can't be compromised.

And of course, respect means respecting that although they are not fully adult, they are fully human.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 10-08-2011 - 4:39pm

Fantastic post ashmama!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2011
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 11:22am

Thank you for all of your insightful and honest answers!