Embarrassing your teens? Okay?
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| Fri, 02-09-2007 - 10:47pm |
The other day I parked behind this Dodge minivan and there was a small black and yellow bumper sticker which read, "I was put on this Earth to embarrass my teenagers".
I don't know, I guess if I heard someone say that I might get a chuckle out of it, but to actually put it on your car like it's your own personal slogan?
When I told my friend about it, she couldn't stop laughing and said, "That's MY goal, isn't it yours?" Well, uh, no, it's not and why is it hers?? My friend then related a story to me about how at least once a week when she drives her 3 teens to HS she actually walks them in, talking loudly in front of all thier friends and even tries to get her arm around one of them - she said she deliberatly does this on purpose to embarrass her teens in front of thier peers. She said she also drives by the ball fields when all the kids are there, lowers her windows, reclines her seat, and blasts rap - again, to embarrass her teens. I was just speechless - have I lost my sense of humor or is this mom a little on the narcissistic side??

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LOL.. OK.. I'll buy that.
It does seem odd that she's going out of her way to do this. i.e. driving to the field just to blast rap music?
If anyone remembers Ally McBeal, my favorite character (and professional inspiration), John Cage aka. the Biscuit played by Peter MacNicol, would "get his groove on" when listening to Barry White by ridiculously waving his arms back and forth.
Well... the Queen and I were doing this in the kitchen just to be stupid, while listening to "Your my First, My Last, My Everything." Poor DD and her friend walked in. I think she wanted to put herself up for adoption. This was 7th grade... :-)
as parents of teens i think we are always on a fine line, so just laugh about it together
I have to agree with the majority . I find the bumper sticker funny.I have embarrassed my poor girls , but in return they have gotten me pretty good too.
The most recent one was priceless;(and I didnt have to do anything.)
I was sitting on the front porch talking on my cell(we have a gated patio in front)when dd14 walked up and stopped , her bf was close behind her. she wrapped her arms around his neck, he went to kiss her good night. THEN SHE SAW ME .LOL!!!!!you would have thought a bug bit her or something. she jumped so fast and moved away as if she got cooties from him. I still tease her about this , and she still claims it was only going to be a kiss on the cheeck. (and I was born yesterday)
most of the kids that are friends with dd's would laugh if I put that on my van , and most of them call me mom too.
Dee
weeelll... I have embarrassed my teens on purpose before, but I gave them fair warning when they were younger.
I like the bumber sticker slogan, but I do think the mom you posted about is a bit strange. I don't have to TRY to embarrass DS17. Here's how I embarrass him:
Play rap music in the car sometimes cuz I like some of it (never have it blaring for the world to hear, though)
Raid the Goodwill pile and take sons' old shirts/pants. The jeans are pretty generic, so I don't get in trouble for wearing those. One of the favorite tshirts I took was a long-sleeved navy shirt, with some spiral design on the sleeves and across the chest, that DS wore when he was 13/14. It was my only navy, long-sleeved one and last fall DS took it and stretched out the neckline so that I wouldn't wear it. When I asked him what was wrong with my wearing it he told me that there were skulls on it. I surely couldn't tell what they were. I was furious with him for that.
Wear sweat pants and tshirts at home. I also run to the grocery store in them, but never when DS is with me--he wouldn't get in the car with me in those clothes.
Tell his teachers the truth. If DS is not putting forth effort at home, I let the teachers know that and it embarrasses DS. (Works the other way, too. I let them know the specific things he tells me when he loves a teacher/class.)
Check on DS and gf (and guy friends)when they are in the basement. Always call him to inquire about what he is doing, where he is when he's gone out.
Dance to the music he's listening to, just for fun and with only family around at home. I know better than to try doing THAT in front of his friends.
Stretch anywhere. My dad suffered for years with severe osteoarthritis, and I want to make sure I don't end up like him. But it embarrasses DS when we're standing watching soccer or in line at the checkout counter and I start stretching. THAT, I'll never stop doing, no matter how embarrasing it is to anyone.
Take sunscreen, gloves and hats to the soccer players on the bench when it's sunny or freezing. A few of the guys will always accept, but to DS, my providing those items is definitely an embarrassment.
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I'm going to have to chime in tonight as the humourless wet blanket ;-) I grew up with a mother who has borderline personality disorder. An element of narcissism often goes along with this, and a simple inability to behave appropriately. My mother often embarrassed me in front of friends or in public, often deliberately, sometimes not, but the result was the same; embarrassment and/or shame. Other mothers didn't act like this, why did mine? Didn't she care that she was causing me pain?
I will admit that somtimes she embarrassed me just by being present, but when she teased me about a boy I liked in front of the entire soccer team, or sent a singing telegram in the form of a Chippendale-like dancer to my school on my 16th birthday, knowing that I was painfully shy... that's just incredibly insensitive.
Using embarrassment to discipline your kids is not cool. If your kid is acting out in public, stop everything and take them home, or discipline them in some other way. I guarantee that the embarrassment will bite you in the butt one day. The resentment it breeds will last much longer than you think.
I realize that my mother is mentally ill, but don't dismiss this because of that. Lots of people deliberately embarrass others, husbands and wives, parents and children, and the only lasting result of that is pain and resentment.
My oldest daughter went through a really unexpected stage where I would drive up to pick her up from school, and if I said "hi Mara" in front of her friends she'd roll her eyes and say "Mom, god!". You'd think I'd walked up and said "Hi Mara, I just took a wee on the front grass!" But I just smiled and she eventually got over it.
Sorry for being such a wet blanket! It's just that we can't really ask for respect from our kids unless we're willing to give it as well.
Heather
Hugs Heather!
My mother is also mentally ill, but hers is in the form of depression and closet alcoholism - and I fully understand the trials of growing up with a parent who is not like "everyone else's mom." It was dreadful growing up, never being able to bring a friend home because one never knows what you'd come home to - and the house was always FILTHY! I'd been married to DH for 2 years before I ever took him to my parent's house - we always spent time with my parents away from their house, and it wasn't very hard to do that considering that we live 120 miles from them. One of my sisters is following down my mother's path, but while mom's depression came out in total apathy, my sister's is expressed as explosive anger. I feel so sorry for her kids!
It's one thing to embarass our kids just by doing the things that normal parents do, but it's simply cruel (and yes, narcissistic) to do it purposely. Parents who do that are eventually going to pay the price in their relationship with their kids as the kids get older. I don't know that my mother did what she did to intentionally embarrass me, but the end result is the same - I only talk to her when I absolutely have to now.
Rose
A humorous thought, for sure, but a credo to live by? I don't think so.
As so many have said, my presence alone is enough to cause my teens to be embarrassed -- especially DS. If we are out in public together and I unthinkingly put my hand or arm across his shoulders, he rolls away from me in a flash and gives me the evil eye. I'm getting better about remembering to not do that.
However, I must admit it is something I threaten him with when he's pushing my buttons a little too hard -- "I'm gonna get out of the car tomorrow morning and give you a big hug and kiss right in front of the whole school if you don't stop right now!"
Not that I ever would, but the threat is enough to get him to stop whatever it is he is doing :-)
Edited 2/12/2007 10:47 am ET by hydrangea_blue
That's a picture from our vacation in December. We met the in-laws halfway between our homes (we're in TX, and they're in IN). The place is called War Eagle Mill and it's in Arkansas. They mill all sorts of grains there. There is a waterwheel on the side next to the water, but they have put up a wooden barrier to protect it, so you really can't see it. We walked across the bridge next to the building and that's where I took the picture. It was just so beautiful that I couldn't resist using it on my newest siggy.
I live in a suburban area, so my house is just a plain old brick house. Not much to look at on a siggy.
I'm glad you like it. Sometimes
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