Emotional Teen Boys, Anyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Emotional Teen Boys, Anyone?
13
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 3:11pm

I have been lurking and decided this might be a good place to ask this question. I have also pasted it on the Raising Boys Board. Just as background, I have 2 boys, 19 and off at college and 13. I also have a DD with "issues", ADD, OCD, and anxiety. We are a military family and recently moved (3 months ago), but I don't think this is the problem.

Our 13 year old for about the past year seems to have become very moody and emotional. Now already having gone through one teenager, I expect the moodiness. But the emotional part is very frustrating and confusing to me. DS has always been a great kid and never caused any problems other than normal sibling rivalry, although I know he feels he got a raw deal being sandwiched between 2 ADD kids that have required and continue to require a lot of attention.

During the last school year his grades dropped, not significantly, but not his usually work. He started "forgetting" that he had homework or "forgot to turn it in, or the teacher must have lost it. We lived in a very small community and I knew all of his friends, so peer pressure was not the issue (I don't think anyway). He just started school last week and tried out for drumline for 8th grade band and made it. I took him to be dropped off at rehearsal this morning before school and he refused to get out of the van and began crying. I tried to talk to him to see what was bothering him, but he said he doesn't know why he was crying, he just doesn't want to be in band anymore. He has been in band for 3 years already and we have never pushed him take it. It was something he wanted to pursue.

Anyway, I am getting long winded. Basically, have you found this to be normal with your teen boys? Could it just be hormones? I know he is getting to that age. I don't want to over react, but is does concern me a bit since this is not the first time he has broken down in tears. My oldest is more like my DH and tends to keep his emotions inside.

TIA, Pam

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 3:21pm

Hi Pam,

I have two teenage boys 16 and 14. The older of the two was is my more sensitive one and yes from about 13 till almost just this year, he was more emotional than I ever expected a boy to be. It was just every once in a while....but he would break down and cry. I think that some of it with these sensitive boys is that they have to "hold" back their emotions so as not to be embarrassed so when it comes out...it seems like it comes out of no where. KWIM. It is things like, if someone calls my older son a "jerk" (insurt worse words) it really upsets him, but he holds it in so no one sees. The younger son really isn't even bothered by being called that name....probably just turns around and calls it back :) I hope this helps some....and I can't tell you anything to make it better....but I am very thankful to have a "sensitive" son....I think he'll make a great husband some day :) Good Luck,

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 3:36pm

Thanks for the reply, Julie.

Having to deal with an ADD DS and an ADD+ DD, I think I tend to stress too much. I am glad to know that this is just normal for some boys. He IS a great kid and very loving. He tends to be a caregiver. He loves to play sports, he does well in school (usually), and one of his passions is cooking (but don't tell any of his friends;).

Sometime I worry too much. But I guess it comes with the territory.

Pam

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 4:13pm

"and one of his passions is cooking (but don't tell any of his friends;)."

I won't tell ;), but tell him to wear that proudly someday....the men do ALL the cooking in this Italian family *grin* He sounds like a great kid, and although it isn't always easy having a sensitive boy....it is so rewarding at times!

Also, Thank you to whom ever in your family is serving our country!!! Especially today 9/11....we will never forget!

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 5:27pm
<<>>
Sure! Unfortunately, not as "normal" as it should be.
Middle school brings with it so much change and overall crap. You're fortunate that your DS can express his frustrations by crying once in a while.
My only suggestion is not to overreact or make a big deal out of this and try to "get to the bottom" of what he's feeling. He doesn't need a problem solver right then. He just needs mom (or dad) to say, "Being 13 must be tough sometimes."
Goodluck!
Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 6:03pm

Both of my boys went thru a stage like that--and about that age. Actually they were about 11 or 12, but they both hit puberty a little earlier than some, I think. Anyway, they could go from laughing, to mad as he11, to crying in a matter of minutes. I knew it was the hormones going crazy, but it was soooo hard to see them cry.

I really like daddio's suggestion of just lending a shoulder to cry on. My guess is they wouldn't be able to tell you why they were crying to begin with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 7:10pm
I have talked to other mothers of teen boys, read lots of books about raising boys and talked with our pediatrician about my 14 yr old. I think the emotional thing is really normal and seems very related to hormones based on what I've experienced and learned from others. I just read a book that was suggested to me by Dr. called "Yes your teen is crazy"(don't like the title) but it had some interesting insight into teen behavior. To be honest sometimes I feel like my son is a little "crazy" One minute he's fine and we can have a reasonable conversation and other times there is NO talking to him. When he was younger he was very emotional and would cry at the drop of a hat. Now unfortunately when he's feeling emotional or stressed it come out as anger. Yelling, swearing, throwing things. I do notice that he is more remorseful and these "episodes" are much shorter so thats good. Anyways I do think alot of what you are experiencing is par for the course for teens. I have an older teen daughter and she can really be emotional at times too. I'm sure you already know this but there are lots of great books about raising boys out there.
Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 7:42pm

Oh gosh yes. My son is only 12 but already exhibiting "over-sensitivity". He gets very emotional and moody and his life seems to be filled with drama and anxiety. He gets overly emotional about EVERYTHING and exaggerates his situation on a regular basis.

I know its just part of hormonal attack on his body but it gets exhausting dealing with all his moods. He doesn't get angry so much (yet), thank goodness, but he can get very sad and despondant and feel sorry for himself to the point where I just can't deal with it anymore.

So you aren't alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 8:35pm

Thanks. I know that I tend to over-react. It takes so much out of me to deal with my DD that I stress when I have to add more to the "fire". I have never told my boys not to cry. Sometimes a good cry really helps! Being a military brat, he does have it tougher than some kids. But he is very resilient. He went to 4 different elementary schools and is now in his second middle school. We will be moving again in 2-3 years, so that means 2 high schools.

He could react to all the stress and hormones in other ways, so I'm glad he feels comfortable enough to let it out by crying . I just don't like to see my "babies" upset :).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 8:37pm
That is exactly what he told me. He said he had no idea why he was crying and so upset. It does break your heart to see them upset.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 8:48pm

We have the drama on occasion also. Especially with football. He started playing 5 years ago and had a bad coach, coaching wise but a really nice guy. The next year he wanted to give it another go. Unfortunately we ended up in the same situation with a different coach. We only stuck it out that year because if he had quit there would not be enough kids to play. The next year my DH decided to coach and DS had a great time playing. The next year he had to move up a league and play with bigger boys (DS is small for his age, 5' and 100 lbs.) He complained the entire year and I swore he would never play football again. Well, I had to eat my words. He decided he wanted to give football another go and asked DH to coach again, so they are back at it and he complains almost every practice or game because the kids are bigger than him.

It drives me nuts at times.

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