Emotional Teen Boys, Anyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Emotional Teen Boys, Anyone?
13
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 3:11pm

I have been lurking and decided this might be a good place to ask this question. I have also pasted it on the Raising Boys Board. Just as background, I have 2 boys, 19 and off at college and 13. I also have a DD with "issues", ADD, OCD, and anxiety. We are a military family and recently moved (3 months ago), but I don't think this is the problem.

Our 13 year old for about the past year seems to have become very moody and emotional. Now already having gone through one teenager, I expect the moodiness. But the emotional part is very frustrating and confusing to me. DS has always been a great kid and never caused any problems other than normal sibling rivalry, although I know he feels he got a raw deal being sandwiched between 2 ADD kids that have required and continue to require a lot of attention.

During the last school year his grades dropped, not significantly, but not his usually work. He started "forgetting" that he had homework or "forgot to turn it in, or the teacher must have lost it. We lived in a very small community and I knew all of his friends, so peer pressure was not the issue (I don't think anyway). He just started school last week and tried out for drumline for 8th grade band and made it. I took him to be dropped off at rehearsal this morning before school and he refused to get out of the van and began crying. I tried to talk to him to see what was bothering him, but he said he doesn't know why he was crying, he just doesn't want to be in band anymore. He has been in band for 3 years already and we have never pushed him take it. It was something he wanted to pursue.

Anyway, I am getting long winded. Basically, have you found this to be normal with your teen boys? Could it just be hormones? I know he is getting to that age. I don't want to over react, but is does concern me a bit since this is not the first time he has broken down in tears. My oldest is more like my DH and tends to keep his emotions inside.

TIA, Pam

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 9:57pm

My son gets all dramatic about his FRIENDS issues! He gets irate over how his best friend who's having trouble at school is not getting the help he needs in class. He freaks out because a kid in his class said something inappropriate to another kid ("He shouldn't say things like that!") Other day he came home and I talked to him on the phone from the office and I could tell he was upset. He was just miserable. So I asked him why he was upset. His answer: "I was playing basketball today with my friends and I suck at it! I am so bad at basketball! They won't pass to me...". This is why he was SOOO miserable? Because he can't play a sport he's never played regularly before?! Last year he was overweight and he was sensitive about being called "Fat Boy"...this year he is in shape and no longer "fat" but according to him "people still hate me..." Oy vay I remember supervising a field trip with his class to judge for myself. All the kids played with him, they all interacted, my son was never excluded. Some hatred eh?

I figured out its all just hormones and drama. And I can't WAIT for this phase of his life to be behind him. My older dd who is 16 is finally past all this stuff thank goodness!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 10:53pm

When my DS18 (always on the shy side) was 11, he also had the problem of no one passing to him in basketball cuz he was no good, but I never found that out until the season had ended. He never got emotional about anything, and I think that is harder for us parents. We don't know what he thinks and feels--he's still like that, holding so much inside. It's much healthier for them to let their emotions out.

DS24 was never emotional either, but he was definitely argumentative in his teen years. He just figured if someone said something he didn't like about him he didn't need that person. He always exuded confidence in social situations and always had, and still does have tons of friends. And at least he'd express his opinion--DS18 is just so much quieter.

Two very different guys raised in the same family/environment--so much of one's personality is genetic.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 7:53am
Our guys sound very similar. It really is amazing how children raised in the same family can be so different!

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