Emotionally drained
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Emotionally drained
| Sat, 06-16-2007 - 3:38pm |
Hi,
Many of you have been posting about things going on in your teen's life that are causing them lots of stress and tears. How are you as parents handling the stress? My DD is having major issues with both her boyfriend and some girlfriends, and she's upset a lot of the time. I'm finding that I am so emotionally drained that I'm having a really difficult time of it. I finally went to the dr. and got something for anxiety. Anybody else feel like it's taking it's toll on you?
Nancy

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Hi Nancy,
Last yr and earlier this year, DS had a really rough go of it for several reasons. He was suffering so badly and YES I suffered right along with him. I really think that in a way, I let certain things get to me even more than they got to him :( My DH just kept saying I had to get a grip, and realize that some of these things I just couldn't fix. Well, I didn't sleep well, eat well and felt down right depressed :( I will tell you that I have no advise to make it better, his situations got better and the more he smiled, the more I smiled. At times I thought there was something wrong with me that I would "feel his feelings" so strongly, but I really think it is part of being a mom....especially if you're a sensitive one :) I guess I can only tell you...."this to shall pass"
Julie
Hang in there!
Sharon
We have a combination of stress, anxiety and excitement in our house right now because of our pending move. Just living in chaos like this, trying to remember everything I have to do re address change, school registration, etc., and trying to help DS with his anxiety and sadness and remain upbeat is causing me a huge number of 'aaack' moments that I'm not able to show.
The physical activity of sorting, packing and throwing out helps, but I am a stress eater and so ... I am nibbling my way through all this. I also find myself playing mind numbing 'puter games, (like Text Twist or Free Cell) several times a day.
Not the best way, I guess, but better than drinking or smoking my way through.
Edited 6/16/2007 7:04 pm ET by hydrangea_blue
Thanks to ALL of you for making me feel better. Oh...you're right, we can't fix the kids' problems but you made ME feel better!! :) My DD and I are quite a bit alike in temperament so I do tend to feel her feelings a lot. The girlfriend problems my DD is having are stressful, but they do not upset me as much as the boyfriend issue. I think the reason for this is that we have come to really be fond of this boy. He's such a nice kid, and for the better part of a year and a half, he has treated our daughter like gold. That makes it especially difficult to watch their relationship deteriorate. I can tell myself that this is what teenagers go through all of the time, but that doesn't stop me from feeling sad about it. I do agree that I think these feelings are primarily 'mom' feelings. My husband is very protective of our DD, but he's pretty much reached his limit with all the drama and is getting frustrated with it. Men are definitely wired differently when it comes to things like our children's troubles.
Thanks, Nancy
I think there are a lot of things going on in my head right now. One is that my daughter is really having some tough times with friends and her boyfriend. She graduated last Thursday, and what should have been a happy night, turned out with her sobbing that her bf doesn't like her anymore. I was just so sad for her. He's been really sort of distant recently and she's not sure why. From things that she has said, I get the impression that he's feeling a lot of conflicting emotions. He wants to party it up this summer, but he still wants to be with her. So sometimes he's nice to her, and sometimes he makes it clear he just wants to hang out with friends. To make matters worse, the girls that my daughter has been excluded by this past six months, are at the same beach for beach week as DD's boyfriend. Needless to say, she's beside herself. And frankly, when she feels that way, I kind of do too!! Then to add to this, I am going to be an empty nester in late August. That's really hitting home now, and tonight my DH and I came home and the house was so QUIET!!!! Ugh. So lots of emotions running through my head and making me quite emotional. I finally went to the dr. last week and got some meds to help calm myself down. I find myself on the verge of tears, and it's exhausting keeping it together. Like you, if I don't sleep, I'm a mess.
Thanks for listening. Mainly I think I need a good cry, and to be able to ramble on here where nobody thinks you're nuts for having all these conflicting emotions. --Nancy
Today my DD and I went shopping in a big city about 50 miles from home. We had a wonderful opportunity to talk on the way down. Her bf is at beach week, and she's really unhappy about that. Especially because the girls that excluded her most of the year are there too. Long story short, she found out that bf and friends were going over to hang out with these girls this evening. After an initial knee-jerk reaction (over-reaction)we talked, and then when she finally did talk to him, she stayed very calm. Believe me that is amazing for my daughter. I think it threw him off, and then he seemed anxious to make sure she believed him that nothing weird would be happening. No matter what should transpire (he goes to hang out w/the girls or not) she is learning to communicate more effectively with him. That's a good life lesson. In a perfect world, the two of them would work things out, but we are talking about 18 year olds so you can't expect totally adult decisions out of them.
This morning, I had about 30 minutes to myself. DD had gone to work, DH had too. I sat down and cried and cried. I don't do that often, but you know? I felt wonderful afterward. I needed to let out some of this awful tension that's been building. It helped me to stay a little calmer when she and I talked later in the day.
Hang in there, Nancy
I know exactly what you're going through and these boards help a lot. This past year my dd's Sophomore year was a tough one. Without re-hashing it all, basically after homecoming last Fall she broke up with her bf of 1 yr., stopped doing homework, got cut from JV volleyball, then inured her knee in basketball (had surgery and months of therapy is fine now) and she hung out with a Senior boy which my husband I didn't like. (shaved head, tatoos, drank and weighs about 280 lbs) Can you say many sleepless nights?!
So all this time her bf still kept in touch and was the only one to come over right after her surgery. Now they are back together and went to prom. Oh and her grades that dropped from 3.6 to 2.3 are back up above 3.1.
I really know how you feel. My daughter and I have a good relationship, but during this time there was not talking to her. I had to back way off and not even ask questions about her life. Then one night I ran into her bf's mom at a school function and we talked for about 2 hours. (His mom really likes my daughter too.) I think that's when things started to change for the better because her bf (who was an ex at the time) began to call her a lot. The big guy proved himself a jerk,(which I knew just by gut feeling...and reading his myspace page).
Hang in there! It helps to focus on work and just let your daughter come to you when she feels like talking. If her bf is really the nice guy you think he is, he'll stay around. You may just have to encourage your dd to be nice to him. Boys do like attention from other girls, believe me we went through that and girls will hang on him on purpose in front of her. But the boys don't always think too much of if. If is heart is with your daughter, he'll let her know. I do think that we have a sense about who is good for our daughters, go with your gut.
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