Ever Get Tired?
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 08-11-2006 - 12:56pm |
Do you ever get tired of parenting? Of trying to set the best example? Trying to teach all the right life lessons so your kids grow up happy, well-adjusted and ready to face the world on their own? Do you ever just say "Oh, what the h**l" and just cave in to something that might not be the biggest issue at the moment, but in the long-run, isn't setting the greatest example?
mom_dragonfly's post on school shopping got me thinking about where we stand in that regard. We'll be gone all of next week and then will have only a few days before school starts to get organized. I remembered yesterday that DS will need new PE shoes so I drug him to the mall. He wasn't especially keen on shoe shopping, but WAS very keen on seeing if a new game he wanted for his PS2 was on the shelves yet.
Long story short, I ended up fronting him two months allowance (something I swore I'd never do because I don't want him to get into the habit of taking on debt) and we left the mall with the game ... but no shoes. He didn't even whine or fuss at all! He asked once if he could advance his allowance and I said 'okay, but that means you won't have any money now for a while'. At that moment, I just didn't care and it just didn't seem to matter. Now mom2morgan, I know you'll be horrified by the fact I did this, but I DID make a point of showing DS the savings between the sweatshirt at the clearance store ($18.99) and the one at one of the beach/sun shops ($43.00) a couple weeks ago. Does that sort-of redeem myself?
Aside from the lesson learned or unlearned by my less-than-thrifty DS, I'm not sure it's such a big deal today to me today, either. But it sure as heck isn't the greatest lesson for me to be teaching DS. Video games over shoes? Egad.
What matters is that I seem to have developed a 'whatever, who cares?' attitude about parenting. I just feel tired.
But I feel guilty too. Guilting that I am tired and am not doing all the 'right' stuff. That I'm not setting the right example, doing the right things -- not doing a better job preparing them for life. Last week, we spent the day/night with some friends from another state who were spending the week in Laguna Beach. She has 3 kids -- all who swim competitively, play piano, are honors students, eat onions AND spinach on their sandwiches (my kids would rather STARVE than eat onions or spinach), play board games instead of computer games, are enthusiastic readers, eat just ONE cookie as opposed to 1/2 dozen cookies ... well you get the idea. You could count the ribs on her boys and the rolls on mine. (He grew 4" since his last check-up, so there are fewer rolls, but definitely still on the chubby side!)
When the 10yo DD made a rather un-PC remark about some 'Bible thumpers' at her school, I was perversely happy to hear it -- "Aha! You're NOT perfect!" kinds of thoughts.
I feel bad too, that I wasn't able to keep DD busier over the summer. She's been a bit bored and a little lonely. But on the other hand, there's only so much suggesting and encouraging to her that I can do. I think she hesitates to take the initiative with friends is for all those teenage feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. And to think I thought that was mostly behind us!
Just rambling here now ... but does anybody else feel like this sometimes?
Julie

Pages
Aww, gee Julie, let me see I guess I feel that way nearly ALL the time these days. Yeah, tired? That hardly begins to describe it. Remember I'm on kid #3. I have soooo btdt. Of course, this teenage thing is all new to me and I keep feeling that I'm messing it up terribly.
I remember when my kids were little, especially with my first: so enthusiastic about parenting, wanting to do everything right. Reading a thousand books. Spending quality time. Parental involvement, volunteer work. Now, when the sign up sheets for parent volunteers come around I wonder if anyone will notice if I don't sign up for anything. ds10's charter school demands a certain amount of volunteer hours. I do so grudingly these days. I can't help it, I'm tired.
And as for your friends, I understand more than you know. On this board, I get to hear all the time about teen's accomplishments. It seems like there are some true future leaders of America parents right on this board. I'm proud of my kids too, but should I really post "dd14 got bored today and tore apart some old clothes and made them into new ones. She might really be good at this fashion design thing."? or "ds16 shared with me how he declined to go a party where he knew there would be no parental supervision and where there would be drugs and drinking." These are "accomplishments" in a way, but the world doesn't reward them, per se. It seems you have to "join" something and get an "award" to be recognized. My kids aren't into that. In a way I can relate.
But as I write this, I should share that ds16 just came home from his band's second official show ($8 entry) where apparently they managed to draw the biggest crowd of people. He's on Cloud 9 and said it was an amazing show. He's the drummer and singer. Who knows maybe one day your kids will see him at a rock concert. For now, he's just the boy I love who doesn't win any awards or recognition from any organizations, who hasn't touched a vegetable in years, whose hair is way too long and unruly for my tastes, but who still has my undying love and devotion.
I would add it is my personal feeling that there will never be peace on earth. I'm saddened, though not surprised, by the escalating crisis in the middle east. It's terrible that Lebanon has been dragged into this. They (and we) will feel the repercussions for years to come. :(
You know my dirty little secret! Guilty as charged, btdt. Nowadays I only feel guilty, though, because of my ds10. Sorry, but if my teenagers are hungry and I forget to cook dinner, they are fully capable of fending for themselves. After all, how hard is it to boil water (mac&cheese)?
I'm so glad I'm not alone!
Pages