The ex is at it again!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
The ex is at it again!!
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Mon, 11-28-2005 - 11:22am

I'm so angry I could spit! When DD was 15, she dated a very manipulative boy. She wanted to break up but he managed to convince her that if she broke up with him, his abusive dad would make him move out of his grandmother's house and back in with him. This is ridiculous since the grandmother has full custody but this kid is very good at manipulating things. Anyway, DD cheated on him and they broke up. For a full year after the break up, he stalked her. We couldn't get a restraining order b/c he attended the same school as her and the attorney thought that it would only cause more harm than good. Plus this boy manipulated his friends into doing alot of his dirty work for him so it was real hard to tie it directly back to him - stole her dog, tampered with her car, left class to stare in the class she was in, etc.

Anyway, he still manages to upset DD every three or four months. Earlier this fall, he got into a fight and was hurt pretty bad so he was put on homebound. Well he's back at school now and has another girlfriend. He told this girlfriend that she needed to know he was still in love with DD and that he will get back together with DD when she comes to her senses. He also told his g/f that the reason they broke up was b/c DD had sex with her best friend (another girl). This is now all over school. When he and DD first broke up, he started the rumor that she was pregnant and didn't know if he or her other b/f was the father. Then when no pregnancy began to show, he explained that she had an abortion. At first, I wanted to get this boy some serious counseling & he has received some court ordered therapy after he attacked his 80 y/o grandfather. Now I just really want to wave a magic wand and make him just disappear.

The good thing is that DD is now telling me about his lies instead of my hearing it from her best friend's mother. She is afraid of him and gets real moody when he starts his crap. This time she really acted like a teen with a bad attitude over Thanksgiving. We finally had a really nasty shouting match Saturday night. So much for my advice to others about walking away and not letting things get out of hand. I let this get way out of hand. It was probably one of the worse disagreements we've ever had. I should have known that the only time she gets this bad is when he's involved but it had been so long since he's done anything that I just didn't think about it. Last night after church, she asked if I would take her out to eat. I was thrilled she wanted to spend any time with me after the night before so we went. We ate and talked like normal - nothing unusual then on the way home she begins to tell me that the ex is back at school (I didn't even know he was gone) and that she really felt sorry for his new girlfriend because he was lying to her. She told me the whole story. I am real proud of her for because she didn't shed the first tear, she didn't raise her voice, she remained pretty calm. She wants to confront him - I reminded her of our past no contact rule with him but I also told her that she's old enough to handle this on her own but I would prefer she do it outside of school - on the phone. I didn't want a confrontation at school for several reasons - more gossip, she wouldn't be able to concentrate on her classes, etc. I'm not sure how she'll handle this but I'm having to trust that she is mature enough to handle it.

Keep us in your thoughts because things could get bumpy again!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 11:45am
I appreciate your best wishes and I too wish she didn't have to deal with it all. She's learned alot of tough lessons from the entire experience. I think she's learned that she can't fix anyone else's problems - she can listen and maybe offer some advice but they have to fix it themselves. I also think she's learned to stand up for herself a little better (still working on that one). I know she's learned not to lie about things no matter how painful the truth is. So we try to look at the good that has come out of this and are very thankful that she's managed to stay safe throughout it all.
Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 12:32am
I haven't been around for a while and decided to stop in and check out the board. When I saw the title of the thread I just let out a sigh and thought oh no not again. I remember very well all you went through with this situation. I am so sorry that y'all are dealing with him again. Will it ever stop? I hope it will soon. You would think with all he has done over the years that by now he wouldn't be around there any longer. Sounds like maybe he has stayed just far enough inside the law to not have anything happen. But as you said now he is 18 and things may change for him. One day he will be caught doing something and that will be when he tastes the real world of adulthood.
It is too bad that there is now another girl that has fallen into the problems that he causes. Hopefully this other girl will get away from him too.
Sounds like dd is handling it well. Maybe not the way you would want, but it does sound like she is trying very hard to do the right thing. I am glad that she seems to have some good friends that will help keep an eye out for her and keep her safe.
It stinks that anyone should have to have people keeping an eye out for them like that, but at least her friends are there for her.
Good luck with this whole situation. I will keep y'all in my thoughts and prayers.
Kristie
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 9:18am
Good to see you Kristie!
Pam

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