Expensive Prom Dresses
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| Mon, 04-30-2007 - 10:09am |
Hi, I'm new here and this is my first post.DH and I have been married for 33 yrs. We didn't have kids until after 16 yrs of marriage. Now have 2: DD1 who is 17 and drop dead gorgeous and has 1 friend at school and no one likes her; DD2 is 15 and is gorgeous in her own way, and very popular and active on school gov't and sports. DD2 has to deal with schoolmates saying "that's your sister? She's a ..itch"
Background....my DD 1 who's 17, has a horse boarded at the local stable. She's held a part-time job for the last 18 mos. and pays for the board herself. In addition to her part-time job, she works at the barn to help pay off the board fees. She's held her driver's license for almost 20 months now and is a very safe driver. We got her an older compact car last week that is economical on gas. We've paid for car, insurance, and gas. She also has a cell phone that she pays for. We pay for horse's vet, feet, show entry fees, etc. She hasn't asked me for spending money for over a year and normally she's a very savvy clothes shopper. However, her spending money goes the way of the wind. She does not participate in school sports (shows horses year-round), went to 1 dance her freshman year.
Saturday DD1 and a friend went to the city (Bridal shop) to look at prom dresses for the friend. DD1 was "not going to the prom" when she left the house. Later she called and said she was trying on dresses and wanted to know if she could put one on the credit card. I asked her about the dresses and the ones she was looking at were under $100. I asked her to call me when she found "the dress", and to also consider looking at other stores. 5 hrs later she comes home with a dress that cost $180. The prom tickets cost $30. DH and I blew a cork and said no to the dress because of the cost. She says she'll pay us back for the dress and then sell it on ebay. We feel this is too much money for a 1 evening event.
In addition, she's been irresponsible with her pay checks and ended up bouncing a check to her stable owner for this month's board. She's got bank fees for her boss and herself now and NO MONEY.
We made her take the dress back yesterday and told her that when she can pay for the dress she can buy it. Credit cards are there for emergencies, but in order to build a good credit rating, she has to be more responsible with her monies.
I feel bad for her and we haven't said she can't go to the prom, she's just not going in an expensive dress like that.
DH and I are very frugal and comparison shop everything. Am I off base here having a hissy about the cost of the dress?

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Well sometimes people put up a strong "front" about their feelings in order to protect themselves emotionally. Could be she doesn't truly hate everyone there but hasn't made a lot of close friendships and its easier to say that she hates them all anyway and can't wait to leave than it is to say she truly DOES care about her lack of close relationships.
Even if I'm wrong and she doesn't give a hoot maybe she wants to party to at least mark the end and see sayonara to everyone.
Or maybe she doesn't want to end up someday regretting that she missed her prom and the experience altogether.
She might go and hate it and she'll just say that's what she expected so she won't be too disappointed.
Or she might go and have a reasonably fun time and have at least some positive memories of high school.
<<< For a girl who hates school and can't wait to get out of there; doesn't like 99.9% of the kids there, I guess I'm missing the boat as to what all the hoopla is about. >>>
I didn't either when DS-18 first told me he was going to prom last year. I believe one of my first threads here was the fact I was lamenting that he told me he'd NEVER attend a dance or anything close to it.
It was pretty funny when 3 years later he was approaching me to tell me. It *did* turn out to be a big deal in the long run. Who would have known?
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I understand you. I'm all for teens developing their own interests/personalities and not always following the crowd. From your description of your DD1, your thought process is just like mine. Also, I tend to be on the frugal side and have no desire to, ever, ride in a limo. Why teens have to do it, I just don't know.
DS17 ordered his tux RENTAL for $140. (At least the girls get to keep their dresses.)Before he did so, I told him I'd pay only $120 and he has to pay the difference. He's wearing light pink trim cuz that's what his gf wanted, even tho he wanted bright red. He's a classic follower, can't say no guy. He'd actually look good in either, but I kind of wish he'd stuck with his own wishes--just for once. He's always been a pleaser. It was wonderful when he was younger, but it can be dangerous at this age and the ones he's trying to please engage in underage drinking and other risky adventures.
I think I would've done just what you did if I had a DD who exceeded the limit by 80%. She does sound pretty responsible, though, and I'd definitely pay as much for her dress as I could afford when she finds one for <$100. It's too bad others think she's a bitch just because she's not just like them. I'm not too tolerant of narrow-minded people (oh-oh...is that oxymoronic?) There's so much I can learn from someone who shows and cares for horses. Why would I ever want to treat someone with different interests as an outcast?
Bet you she'll find a fine dress for under $100 and she'll have a great time at prom, even if she does not ride in a limo!
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
Well, last night I told her we could shop down in massachusetts and see what they had for dresses. Then the plot thickened . . . .
She's not going but the plan was (DRUM ROLL)
We're going to rent a hotel room, and get ready there so we don't mess our dresses up driving over. Then we'll go to the dance, and go back to the hotel room and stay all night because we don't want to be driving on the roads because everyone is going to be drinking! The dance is about 20 miles away in a city, not here at her high school.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! If you've ever heard of Project Graduation . . . well it started here at her high school in Maine 20 some yrs ago because of all the drinking & driving deaths after prom & graduation. In fact this morning's paper has a front page article about the drinking problem at school and how is the community going to work to stop it.
So she's decided to go to her friend's house (a girl that she works with), and stay up and watch movies. That I can agree to.
Oh, my, what a turn around THAT was!
Too funny!
Oh yeah, those "little details" that conveniently get omitted in conversation.
She was mad on Saturday nite when we said she had to take it back, but she was over it by Monday. So deep down I think she knew we'd never go along with the hotel room idea.
DD2 (15) is filing all this away for when her turn comes.
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