Failed Suicide = Worried Mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2007
Failed Suicide = Worried Mom
5
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 9:57pm

Hi. My name’s Kate, I’m 17 and I have problems. My mother is driving me up a wall with her constant worrying.

In mid-December my girlfriend broke up with me. We were together for two and half years. Shortly before Christmas I tried to commit suicide. My little sister found me and I ended up in a behavioral hospital on Christmas day. It was miserable.

I saw a therapist and psychiatrist for about three months until they said their services were no longer needed. Now I only have to see the psychiatrist for prescription refills every three months.

Recently mom has said I am not acting myself. She wants me to go back into therapy, but I refuse because I don’t see a point in it. Frankly I am just lonely. I’m very shy, I don’t meet people well, I have absolutely no friends and there aren’t a lot of bi/les-girls around here so I feel doomed to a life of eternal solitude.

Mom won’t leave me alone. She thinks I’m going to try to kill myself again. I’m not suicidal even though I am depressed, miserable and lonely. Mom has been asking all kinds of questions, invading my personal space and making me feel like a child. I want her to stop.

I love my mom. I know she means well. I know she loves me, but she is driving me insane.

How can I get my mom to just back off? Right now I just need to figure out what I am going to do in life now that I’m all alone.

K.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 10:20pm

Loss is hard and, at the time, and for a long time after, it seems like the pain will never stop but it DOES get better. People, unfortunately, suffer this on a daily basis and they move on

Many of us have lost a lover. My first did not work out and it was a very long time before I found someone one; my parents were sure I was doomed to what they termed spinster hood but time does indeed heal and I moved on

I have lost both my parents-very painful and I can burst into tears for my dad for no reason after 10 years-but I moved on

You will move on. I would assume most colleges have an active community of people like yourself. Is it a year away? You will make it!

Make friends-that is what is going to get your mom off your back-you being out there doing something and keeping busy. It doesnt have to be a lover, just a buddy or a group-volunteer at your humane society or a womans shelter. Just be busy!

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 7:17am

I agree with the other poster, it takes awhile, but life does eventually go on. Get involved in things that you're interested in without looking for a new partner, and you'll likely feel your spirits lift in time. But it does take time. I have issues with depression too, though mine is very seasonally related, so I understand how hard it is to get motivated to do something when you feel like you're in the bottom of the barrel... but forcing myself to do so really helps, even though it sure feels like work at first.

I can so understand your mother's worry - she's probably scared to death that she's going to loose her daughter forever. But I think she'll worry less if she sees you getting involved in things you love. When she sees you're going to be ok, she'll lighten up.

Hang in there, I hope things get better for you very soon.
Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 11:03am

I personally cannot imagine anything worse than losing a child and your mother is most likely terrified at the thought of losing you. Given your suicide attempt, that is very understandable.

I agree with the others that you need to help your mother see that you won't make a second attempt at suicide to ease her fears and give you some breathing room. Since you say you are still depressed, miserable and lonely, have you considered further counseling or therapy? That in itself would help alleviate some of your mothers' fears -- the fact you are trying to resolve any inner struggles you may still have.

I too think finding something, one thing, that would get you a little more active would also be helpful, be it a job, volunteer activity, participating in an organization ... anything.

I also think it is very possible for you to have friendships with straight teens; there is nothing stopping you from forming plain old friendships with no strings or romantic ties. You may be limiting yourself in thinking that because there aren't many gay/bi- girls around, you are doomed to be lonely. There are plenty of people out there looking for friendships and orientation doesn't need to have anything to do with that.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 2:24am

Hi Kate.
Good replies here. Another 2 cents....
You sound like a reasonable and mature 17 yr old. One part of maturity is the ability to step in someone else's shoes for a minute and walk around. Try your moms shoes on. She loves you dearly, and she's scared to death.
You've been through a lot. And you've taken the necessary and difficult steps to take care of yourself. Yet your mom is seeing what you, yourself describe as "depressed miserable and lonely."

<<>>

I think the only way you're going to get mom to back off is by talking to her more and alleviating her fears of a repeat attempt. Probably not what you want to hear, since at 17 it's typical and normal to push away toward more independence. But you cannot reasonably expect her to ignore your history and your current mood.

Perhaps make an agreement with her. If she can listen without trying to be your therapist you could be more open with the feelings you're experiencing. In return, you must agree to tell her if any suicidal thoughts manifest. You still hold the cards though. It's not like being treated as a child. If a question is too personal, you can respectfully tell her that's off limits. But please, reassure her you will not harm yourself, and assure her that you would seek her out if you did. You will likely see her ease up. But be patient with her. It won't happen overnight.

I am also the parent of a now 26 yr old who attempted suicide at 16.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 3:16pm

"I’m not suicidal even though I am depressed, miserable and lonely. ...Right now I just need to figure out what I am going to do in life now that I’m all alone."

Whether you were male or female, gay or straight, I would have the same thing to say to you.

A person of your age should not be so closely focused on whether they have found a love partner in life. It's not time yet. If you attribute your feelings of loneliness to the loss of a romantic love, then you are kind of like a toddler who is angry over not being picked to drive in the Indy 500. It's not your time yet. You haven't developed yet who you are, and what you will be and do in this life. At your life-stage, dating is just a tiny side-dish, not a necessity, and sometimes not even desired. When a young adult dates, it should be for learning, for fun, a part of getting to know the world and exploring who your are and who you want to be -- but that is only if you have the spare time. And too much spare time is a BIG, dangerous NO NO.

It does sound as if you threw yourself too deeply into that lost relationship. That was a mistake. Love isn't supposed to consume your life that way, only kids and a few romance novelists believe that it should be that way. I recommend you talk to your counselor about re-focusing onto a more productive life path.

"there aren’t a lot of bi/les-girls around here so I feel doomed"

Tell yourself, and tell your mother, that it does NOT matter whether there are any girls available in your area. Know that this is not the time for you to think about that yet, and that the lack of a love-connection does not mean you are doomed. There is so much more to life than that one thing! Re-focus. Grow and be patient. Good luck.