Family vacation
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| Thu, 04-27-2006 - 5:13pm |
So - I'm hoping on planning on a trip to Mexico for Christmas for myself, husband and two kids. Kids will be 18 and 13 (boy/girl). Some of you know the problems I've had recently with my son but thats another story. I really want to get away during Christmas this year but the way my daughter/son get along and son/husband get along it almost makes me wonder if I should go through with it.
My two kids can't be in the same room together for even 1 minute without fighting and my husband and son always disagree and fight about anything and everything. I am the glue holding it all together but dont know if it will be worse going away with all of them or just staying home where they all have their own space as normal. We can't even go out for dinner here without someone arguing about something. It is horribly embarrassng and so frustrating! All I want is a nice holiday with all of them but so reluctant to spend that money and be stressed the entire time.
I am so torn. Does anyone else have this problem with family arguing and not get along 24/7?

I don't have any experience, but want to send you ((hugs)) because it sounds like you're in a tough spot. Have you talked to your family about this - I mean saying "I'd love to go on vacation, but all we do is fight and that takes the fun out of it" I said something like this to my DH a few years ago, and he was actually surprised. To him it didn't sound like fighting. That was a big insight to me that part of it was my reaction, and not just what he said. It was also an insight to him, and I think he's better about this. BUT, some people have a manner of interacting that I find harsh - but when asked about it they don't see it that way. Maybe drawing your kids' and husband's attention to how this makes you feel..... not blaming, just describing.
Also, I would consider either family or individual counseling - individual counseling helped me get a perspective on how I was interpretting and reacting to my DH's "stuff"
Sue
hugs tamara...
I hope its ok for me to be a bit blunt?
I really don't have any more advice for you, other than what i've repeated over and over - you (all ) need to get some help, and until you do you are going to be in the position of 'putting out fires' and dealing with 'emergencies'. you are dealing with difficult things, i grant you that, but there ARE solutions out there. it seems to me that every now and then 'something' flares up, you try to deal with it, it 'goes away' somehow, and you move on to the next crisis. of course you are stressed out. I think that getting "real" help for yourself, and for you and your husband, and probably some family therapy to help you all deal with your oldest ds, would help you to put things in order, plan, set realistic goals, and enjoy your life and your marriage.
if you can't do this - then i suggest that you either go on vacation ALONE or go with your husband alone or go with your husband and you dd. i see no reason to drag your son on vacation where he will proceed to make everyone miserable.
huge hugs.
>>Does anyone else have this problem with family arguing and not get along 24/7?>>
We used to. My dd's are like night and day and a couple of years ago we planned a family vaca to Florida. Well, I allowed my 18 to bring along a friend because if it was just her and my other dd, it would not be called a vacation - it would have been called torture. Doing this meant that my younger dd would be with me more often, but it really helped make the vaca more enjoyable - there was peace. Surprisingly, all three girls hung out a couple of times so H and could have some alone time.
I actually cancelled a vaca once due to younger dd's inability (at the time) to get along with anyone. That stunk, but like you, I didn't want to spend all sorts of cash for a stressful and strife filled vacation.
Any chance one of your kids could bring along a friend? I know it's a family vaca, but if it's the difference between a stressful vacation and a peaceful one....
Good luck, I hope you find something that works.
This is one subject that causes me to be slightly happy that one of the kids is grown and gone. The minute she gets home a huge fight ensues over the bathroom. We have 3 1/2 baths in this house and they have to fight over the one downstairs. Their bedrooms are both upstairs. I just don't get it. I think it is sort of like dogs having to mark their turf or something.
Our last family "vacation" was when we moved oldest DD across country. Four adults, three days in a Honda, pulling a U-Haul for 2300 miles - what a vacation. Surprisingly, no arguments with the kids. DH and I had a couple nice ones though - he wouldn't let me drive! The girls took a laptop and DVD's and they were happy.
I would definitely have to have a talk with the family about the fighting before I made any plans or spent any money. I would also have to see some improvement. Maybe let them pick out the location of the trip as an incentive to get along.
Good Luck!
I think bringing a friend in this type of situation could be a great idea! A "distraction factor"!
If only there'd been room in the wood-paneled station wagon when I was a kid!
We were on a family vacation in the 70's. My parents, grandmother and 4 kids (2 teen boys) in a station wagon pulling a camper! We had almost made it to Yellowstone from East Texas when my father finally had enough of the bickering and arguing and punching going on! He just turned u-turned in the highway and straight back home we went! I don't remember any of the adults yelling at us, or saying much of anything... just the guilt alone was enough for us to behave on the way home.
But oddly enough, I still only remember the fun we had, parked by rivers, running in the woods (I was 10). My 3 siblings basically said the same thing over the years....
So I don't know what my opinion is as I kinda seem to be all over the place!
I'll ask my mother how she felt during that vacation, and then return to tell Tamarahar, to whom I want to send my best wishes today!
Everyone have a great day!
zz
Being a newer poster here, I don't know the history. However my two daughters are like night and day also. I tend to do things with them seperately. Everyone is happier that way. When we do things just the three of us, it seldom goes well. Even going out for dinner. One of my daughters loves sushi, the other hates it, but loves mexican which the other one does not like. I usally go out for dinner once a week with each of them.
I know you can't take two vacations, one with each of them. Maybe one of them would like to stay behind? Maybe one of them would like to participate in a different activity while 3 of you are gone?
I'm sorry for the stress you are feeling right now :(
Audrey
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Audrey :)
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>>If only there'd been room in the wood-paneled station wagon when I was a kid!>>
Hahahahaha (LMAO) How I BEGGED my parents to get one of those when I was a kid!! Our neighbor's had one - they had 6 kids - and was just mesmorized by it everytime the pulled out thier driveway. We had a chevy nova....although we had 5 kids in the family, we were all spread way out so we never really needed a big car. Except when we took my older sister to college 8 hours away....my mom and aunt up front and me and my 2 sisters in the back (it was as 2 door no less) and the trunk packed with all her stuff. Then it would have been real nice to have a station wagon. We had a nova and a VW bug (my dad's car-lol).
Oh that brought back such fun memories!