Father and Son don't get along

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Father and Son don't get along
6
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 10:05am

I guess I'm not sure if I'm in the right message board or not, but, I just don't know what to do anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 10:30am

I don't really know what to tell you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 11:21am

Both of mine are depressed and negative.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-1998
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 1:23pm
I'm afraid I don't have any answers for you.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 6:51am
I think fathers and sons fight because men seem to have a need to one-up each other... it kind of reminds me of two bucks fighting in the woods!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 10:55am

You likely cant change them but you can change yourself


I dont want to make you be anymore in the middle than you already are but I would pick out the areas I could help in and learn to let the rest go


If the garbage is an issue, you can be the one to remind DS. I find giving a few hours leeway makes for less confrontation-'the garbage needs to be out before dinner"(said when he is home from school. Then, drop it-no 'dinner in 30 min, have you taken out the trash?"


This worked with all three of my boys-mostly the last but that might be because I had it perfected by then-LOL


Then, after picking out a few battles you can help with in a concrete way, learn to let the rest go


I remember my dad and I arguing at the dinner table about racial issues and my mom crying. It so upset her to see us arguing. My dad once said that I needed to learn how to stand up for myself and this was a good thing. I wasnt mature enough to see the wisdom in that but I recall wondering why my mom got so upset-it wasnt bothering me-I was enjoying the debate!!!


Now, as a mom, I get it! It upsets me to see DH angry-I cant explain it-it just does. And DH complains about everything usually using the F word and a loud voice. Its taken a long time to 'let it go'. If I spoke the way he does,I would be horribly upset and angry, but, for him, it is unfortunately just the way he talks(wasnt that way when we met BTW)


I also get the wanting to spend time together as long as it is on his terms. DH and I have gone round on this. He says I never want to do things and I feel guilty as I am a homebody but I have only recently realized(duh)that he means me doing what he wants to do. He likes to golf so he wants me to golf and uses that line but then I suggest kayaking or hiking and he doesnt want to do THAT! Your DH is claiming to want to spend time with DS but, yep, only on HIS terms


Some things are just typical male characteristics, Im afraid. Doesnt mean we cant, or shouldnt, call them on it but we also probaly shouldnt think our DHs are 1 in a million weird or anything

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 4:19pm