Feeling Guilty Today!
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| Wed, 01-03-2007 - 11:12am |
All her life, DD has been my skinny minnie and for the past several years, DS has been my chubby little boy.
Well, times have changed! DS is suddenly taller than me and pretty thin and DD has gained a fair amount of weight. We went shopping for clothes over the holiday break and she was pretty upset that she couldn't fit into the size she thought she was. We ended up leaving without buying anything because she didn't like the size. (Have to admit, I've done the same thing.) Or when she'd come out to show me an outfit she liked, I'd say "Nope, too small. I'll get you the next size up" which got her even more riled up. Then she'd say she was too 'fat', etc. I don't want to focus on her weight but more on her getting more active. She is not an especially athletic person, but she does like to dance, jog, etc. Because of her schedule and homework load this year, we've had a hard time finding a good balance and a convenient time for her to do something physical.
DD has never had great eating habits, and lately when I notice her eating say, a dozen cookies in one sitting, I comment. I try not to sound critical, or accusing, but I think it comes across a little more harshly than I intend -- "You've just eaten a huge cinammon roll and then a brownie. If you're still hungry, have an apple or something." This is the same sort of thing I would say to DS when he was overdoing it and DD doesn't especially like to hear it about herself!
I drug her and DS both out several times over the break to run, ride bikes, rollerblade, etc. She is fine with it once we get going and does enjoy it, but I think she feels like I am telling her she is fat! She's not fat, but I can see how she COULD have a weight problem if she doesn't pay more attention now.
She is at school for several hours after dismissal waiting on her ride. I told her I wanted to buy her new running shoes so she could get out and walk or jog after school -- i.e, get some exercise. She took a ballroom dance class in November and loved it and I am encouraging her to manage her time really well next month so she could take the next session.
Well, yesterday she and a friend went for a long hike off campus (2 hours) and came home with blisters. Today she said it's her 'stair climbing day' so while seems to be taking an initiative herself to get more active, I feel guilty for even saying anything! And for putting carrots in her lunch instead of chips!

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Good to know I'm not alone.
I asked DD if she planned to do her homework before or after work and was accused of getting "hollered at".
The most unobtrusive questions simply offered as a matter of conversation are interpreted as a nagging inquisition.
Your right...Sometimes we might as well be yelling.
D
Oh boy do I know this one. I hear from my dd all the time how I have yelled at her when I most certainly have not. I have come to understand, then, that her definition of yelling is "showing any type of displeasure". Don't know what she would do if I actually yelled!
Yup, ds calls it 'yelling' if I'm just calmly talking to him or doing the real thing. You can't win.
Sue
Julie - I'm coming in sort of late in the day on this one, but wanted to share my experiences. My DD15 was overweight from age 8-11/12. Now she is a very healthy weight for her height, and works out alot so she's very fit. One way that I helped her gradually change her eating habits was to teach her the WeightWatchers plan. WW is basically a "food budget". You can eat so many 'points' in a day, and you can spend those points however you want. Under 150 pounds you can eat about 20 points. A slice of pizza is 6 points, so you can eat it, but not also the french fries (5-6 points) and the milkshake(? points). So it allows you alot of flexibility, but realistic limits. What I like about this for a teenager is it puts the responsibility on THEM (not us nagging moms) and teaches about portion control (1 slice of pizza is OK, 3 slices of pizza is your whole food allowance for the day!). So rather than telling her what to eat, I tell her what the points are and let her choose. It took a while for her to "buy" this, but now it's automatic.
Anyway, I'm sorry you feel guilty! It's hard to provide those boundaries for our kids and then getting that pushback! Also, they might not like it, but it's our job as parents to worry and 'nag'. All good parents do it!
((HUGS))
Sue
Weight watchers may be worth a try, if your DD is the type who can keep track of all the points. I could never see myself doing that, but I do know of a couple who religiously go back to the points when they start putting on a few pounds.
Yelling....DS17 often accuses me of yelling. Sometimes he's pretty funny--once he pretended to start crying after I'd nagged him (not bad) about something, and he said "OKAY, but do you HAVE to yell at me all the time?" in a meek voice.
Although DH is the only one of us who was ever overweight, all three of my guys tend to overindulge in junk food, so I'm always harping on them for that. A few weeks ago DS23 sent me an email telling me about how healthfully he's been eating, with a link to Quiznos nutritional content for his favorite sub, asking my opinion of it. I thought he was joking, but he was dead serious. I was thrilled that, in his case, all my nagging paid off. Hope it works with DS17, too.
Sounds like you're doing just fine with DD, reminding her to eat well and getting out with her to exercise. The key is loving it, so try to keep the ballroom dance going if she enjoys that most. And it's good to hear that most of the other parents here are yellers, too. You can stop feeling guilty!
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
Thanks Sue ... I do remember you mentioning in the past that L went through a chubby period when she was younger. How did you approach the WW program with her? I'm afraid C would start thinking 'I really am fat if mom wants me to go to WW'! kwim?
For C, I think just increasing her activity level would be most of what she needs to slim back down and firm up. That and making some better food choices (i.e, the cinnamon roll with a brownie chaser.) She is NOT particularly fit right now. As much as she loves her hs, and as happy as I am with it, my biggest complaint with it is how easily kids can 'opt out' of PE! An AP class (which C is taking) excuses students from PE, as does participation in any sport or other demanding classes. ??? I just don't get that. AP courses are just an excellerated and/or advanced version of a required class they would have to take anyway, so I don't understand the logic in that one at all. So, while C had a semester of PE last year, it is quite possible she won't have another PE class at all for the remainder of her hs career. If we stay here, that is.
You may remember that she has a very long day at school and is pretty tired by the time she gets home and the last thing she wants to do is think about getting a workout in. Plus all that homework really limits the amount of free time she has. But 30-45 minutes a day isn't that hard to fit in -- especially since she is at school and has all the facilities available to her to use. Which I have been suggesting she do for a while now (such the nag!)
I asked her last night (nagging again perhaps?) how her stadium climbing went and she said she didn't do it, she studied for an AP class exam instead -- but she did SIT at the stadium and watch soccer practice. "It was shirts and skins, mom!" LOL
Anyway, we talked a little more about food choices last night -- how high-fiber foods would make her feel fuller longer (so eat all those apple slices I put in your lunch!), which breakfast choices may be better for her, etc.
Wes' very good friend, K, is built much like Wes. So much so that for several years, people thought they were brothers. K's mother asked me last year if I wanted to enroll the boys in the WW points program for kids to help them slim down. I wasn't comfortable with that then for W and didn't want him to get hung up on his weight (the dr was really lecturing him about his weight at that time, too, which annoyed me) knowing he still had puberty ahead of him. Puberty seems to be taking care of Wes' weight now -- and I am tempted to drag him to the doctor's office just so she can see how thin he is now!
Sorry this is so long; I think I'm still feeling anxious today. Thanks for your hugs!
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