Feeling lost with 16 year old son

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2008
Feeling lost with 16 year old son
8
Mon, 04-11-2011 - 9:15am

My 16 year old son used to be a happy go lucky kid and very fun to be around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2008
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 9:15am

That is a good point - our oldest son (who is now 21) grumbled about going on what turned out to be his last vacation with us - he was 16 at the time -

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2008
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 9:12am

Hi JLS,

I have a bit more time today to respond to your post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 7:38am

My boys all grumbled about vacations at that age. It is just not cool to hang with the 'rents'. They really do enjoy themselves; you just won't know it for 6 years when they will finally confess to you!!

I would focus on the drugs and drinking. You can't take on all the battles.

Sex? Sounds like that ship has sailed. Be sure he is using birth control and don't make it easy. Nothing, I repeat, nothing is going to make him choose to stop having sex with the GF.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 04-11-2011 - 7:07pm

I just wanted to wish you good luck--you have a lot to deal with having 3 kids w/ very different needs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Mon, 04-11-2011 - 3:24pm

Please don't beat yourself up about this. You have a lot to carry and there's only so much you can do. It's also natural for everyone to question their faith. I was raised in a Christian family, then totally turned my back on it for almost a decade. When

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2008
Mon, 04-11-2011 - 1:56pm

Thank you music lover and JLS...

When I said I don't talk to him, I meant that I don't think I "hound" him...as he perceives it to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 04-11-2011 - 1:43pm

I think it's difficult to strike a balance when they are this age between being able to control their lives and hands off--you're trying not to go too far to either side.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 04-11-2011 - 12:57pm

Hugs to you, irish. Some teen anger/attitude is normal but it sounds like your ds may have more than normal. You mentioned that counselling didn't work. Since he's still a minor and you DO still have some control I'd recommend talking to his doctor and getting a referral for another counsellor. Sometimes it takes awhile to find one that 'clicks'. You mentioned a Make a Wish trip for your other child - it could be that your ds has some feelings of anger/fear/resentment/etc. if he has a sibling that requires extra attention.

Do you know the gf's family and do they have the same basic rules that you do? Some parents have a very 'hands off' approach with their kids, allow the bf/gf to be in the bedroom with a closed door, turn their back on underage drinking, etc. If you feel that might be the case you certainly have every right to make sure he only sees the gf at your home with you present. While you can't (and shouldn't) completely control a 16 years old - they still need an awful lot of guidance/supervision/etc. Sounds like your ds has made some poor choices in the past and still needs to be kept on a bit of a short leash. Is he involved in extra-curriculars? Does he have a job or volunteer? Those are things that might help him meet other people and help with the maturity.

Pam