A few updates...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
A few updates...
14
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 6:23am

Hi, first of all, thanks to all here for supporting a virtual stranger...DH is feeling a bit better, his color and his voice is stronger...he's still weak, of course, and thankfully can work out of our LR and I can help him a lot...the docs don't want him to drive, of course, or even make any big decisions...which leads to my next issues..sigh..


Prevvy to this I spoke of the DS's friend that I was trying to help...he ended up staying here about half the time. Last Sunday *a week ago* before the cancer scare, I told him to go to

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
In reply to: themamas
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 1:32pm

What difficult situations you are in here.


I have no advice, just my support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
In reply to: themamas
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 1:44pm
Thank you for your support, I know it will all be okay as long as I don't allow myself to be manipulated...I will just never understand people who jeopardize the lives of their kids like this.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: themamas
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 2:56pm
Good for you for saying no! This is not your battle. You've got your own stuff to deal with & it was incredibly insensitive of SIL to try to take advantage of you now. Hang in there!
Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
In reply to: themamas
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 1:13am

Wow! you really do have it up to your ears!! I think you are very right in what you told SIL and don't feel guilty for

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Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
In reply to: themamas
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 7:27am
I must agree with you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
In reply to: themamas
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 7:53am

yes, I know, but I just can't free my mind of all of this...my SIL is unstable and unpredictable and I worry to what lengths she will go to get her way. She's fully capable of brainwashing her DD against the people near her who want to help. She's already told her DD that everyone has *turned against them*. Not so..it's just that everyone has already give all they have to give. Every one of her friends that we spoke to said she owes them anywhere from $1000 to $20,000. Several are glad to take in her DD so she can finish school and stay near her friends. Friends of my recently deceased MIL say they

 

Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
In reply to: themamas
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 10:03am

Dave and I have lived with this kind of thing too. His Dad was a compulsive gambler and we know what they are like. You have done

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
In reply to: themamas
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 11:02am

I appreciate your support, really, I do...SIL was just haunting me via IM...I told her she is in denial, that if she's smart, she won't alienate her friends that want to take in her DD...one is even trying to get the kid to the open house for the public high school...but she continues to use the kid as a pawn. Now she's claiming amnesia. Jeesh. I told her to call her local Dept. of Mental Health. I hate to start ignoring her, but it might come to that soon.


I have been thru the compulsive gambling thing also, firsthand. Is is just as deadly and dangerous as any other addiction and can tear a family apart.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
In reply to: themamas
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 11:06am

Sorry but you paid her mortgage and friends got her credit cards!
Are you people nuts?

No, don't very guilty that you are saying no. It's high time that your SIL stands on her own two feet, just like every other adult in this world.

I would also hope that anyone that takes your niece insists on it done legally. That means any money (child support..) that come in for the girl's upkeep goes 100% to the girl's upkeep. If it is for child support, it is for CHILD support.

If this was just a temporary set back and the parents (her) are basically responsible hard working people. I see no problem with family members stepping in to help "under the table". That's the way it ought to be. But, that is not the case here.

If you did end up taking the girl in, it would have to be on your terms. However, from what you wrote, it doesn't sound like a good idea. You have too much on your plate now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
In reply to: themamas
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 11:12am
Yup, we are nuts...but in our defense, the mortgage we paid was my MIL's, SIL and DD just lived with her...we were trying to help but it got out of hand. You live and learn.

 

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