Found info on myspace, need advice.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Found info on myspace, need advice.....
7
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 11:36am

I lurk here a lot, but now I need some advice. I check my 16 yr old dd's myspace every week. She knows it. Yesterday I found messages where her and a guy were talking about her getting Xanax, and him asking her if she got footballs or bars....she said I don't know what those are, I don't do them, but you asked for bars, so that's what you're getting. He says, next time we go, let's get chewies.....

Okay....sounds like to me that she isn't the one doing the Xanax, but she knows how to supply it. I am livid....her dad (my ex) and I are talking with her today when I get home from work. Background: I have caught her drinking (twice with liquor in her room) and that's about it. What do you all suggest I say to her, how should I punish her. She also got 3 D's on her report card this semester. She's not a good student, but this is the worst she has ever done. Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 3:23pm

BTDT with instant messenger and DD's pain pills from shoulder surgery. Once I realized that she had agreed to take them to school to sell to a friend, I went to school and called her out of lunch. We went to the parking lot and I checked her pockets, backpack, purse, locker, the whole nine yards. No pills - thankfully, she had changed her mind and left them at home.

DH and I talked with her that night. We removed instant messenger from the computer since she didn't know how to use it properly. She also was given a few major chores to do that weekend and she wasn't to go out that weekend. Her b/f was allowed to come over but she wasn't allowed out. Instant messenger stayed off our computer for over a year and life was so much simpler!

This part really concerns me though <> This implies to me that she might be taking something just not the bars or footballs (Xanax). I looked up "chewies" in urban dictionary and this is the only drug related thing I could find "a blunt (marijuana) rolled with weed and yayo(coke)" So I would definitely be concerned about this.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 3:35pm

Hi Christy,

It does seem rather odd that she would post this when she knows that you monitor. So, maybe she ***wants to get caught***. Some kids yearn for the limits that only a parent can set, while at the same time bucking against them. It certainly is maddening. I would have that talk with her asap, and limit contact with friends for a while, telling her that she has demonstrated she can't be trusted to make good choices. With this not being a "first offense" (the drinking) perhaps you might want to close her myspace count account, although that is one way to keep tabs on her, if you want to look at it that way...

As for the grades, if she's in high school you really need to address this issue. Colleges do not look at D's as you probably know (as though the course was not taken), even though in high school it's passing. Limiting social time maybe what she needs to get those grades back up, and could be another good excuse for keeping close tabs on her. But keep in mind that sometimes these grades can indicate learning disabilities (yes, I was shocked to find out how many are undiagnosed until very late - some even in college) or depression.

Good luck, and let us know what happens...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 8:09am

Thank you all for your responses! Ex-dh and I talked to her last night. I expected her to get defensive like she usually does, but no. She said, "Omg, please don't think I do that. That was a big joke, mom. Do you really think I would put that on myspace if it was true, knowing you look at it." And that was exactly what I couldn't figure out. Anyway, she had no idea it was such a big deal and that she was putting on the internet about illegal drug activity. She thought since she hadn't "done anything", it was just funny. Her dad and I explained to her the severity of it, made her take it off. We explained to her about law enforcement and school administrators looking at myspace, not to mention parents, like us. We let her know that we are and will continue to be on top of her. She's very mad at me right now, but that doesn't concern me. We didn't accuse her of it, we just asked her what it was all about. I'm glad we handled it that way. Her lack of good judgment really needs to be changed. As far as her grades, I told her she would be tested for a LD, and she was not happy. She said she made bad grades because she just doesn't care, she could make good grades if she wanted to....so....her dad said he would accept nothing but A's this time around. If not, all privileges are gone. We'll see. I'm still going to have her tested.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 8:35am
I'm so confused about how I feel about myspace. My daughter says the same thing, that they post things that aren't really true and just post to get an affect. I'm not so sure sometimes. It just seems like a stupid thing to do but then again, I'm not 17. I guess they get their jollies making up stories, but sometimes I truly wonder if they're really made up?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 8:46am

Personally, I think Myspace is a horrible tool for teens. It just puts them "out there" and I hate that. Our teens can set them up from anywhere, though...it doesn't help to ban them from your computer, so as long as my dd has hers set up through my email, I can always get into her Myspace. It's a catch 22 situation. I do think they put things on there to look "cool" or try to act older. The language that some of them use is horrible.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 9:17am

I'm glad ya'll are talking about this. I've got a 16yoDD with a myspace page and I monitor it and haven't told her I do so. Fortunately her page is rather tame compared with some of her friends' pages. I've read so many references to being drunk/pot use with two of these girls that I'm now going to forbid contact. I caught her drinking over the summer with one of these gals and another parent told me his son was smoking pot with this same girl.

I don't think she knows I know how to access her page. She thinks I'm too stupid apparently. We had an issue with her skipping school last week and she still won't tell me where she went--I suspect it was with this same girl. She's the only one whose time cannot be accounted for either by the school or the parents. Her mom is oblivious, apparently.

My daughter also tells me they all joke about drugs, booze, sex, cutting, etc. but don't do those things. I wonder as well. Is this some sick and perverted generation here that thinks illicit substances and mental depravity are funny? It's scary to me.

But, as I mentioned, I know my kid has at least tried pot and booze and I know two of her friends have been treated for cutting/depression issues. And this one girl appears to me from my limited knowledge to be out of control--is also in trouble at school over attendance issues.

Sorry, I'm kinda hijacking, but it is related... How do we as parents encourage our kids to give up these destructive friendships and start social contacts with other more responsible kids?

Momsa(frustrated)cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 12:46pm

I googled a slang dictionary, and this is what I came up with for chewies...
Chewies - crack
Chewies - blunt with powdered cocaine inside

The my space thing scares me too. I do check my dd's (16), and she knows I do. Which I suppose could be a double edged sword. Hers is pretty tame compared to her friends. (Is that because she KNOWS I look at it?? )

I have learned a lot about what her friends are doing from this, things that I think THEIR parents should be checking up on. But, some of the kids are getting smarter? now. They are making them private, and then you can only read the comments if you are their "friend".