Found out my son Drank and Smoked Pot!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Found out my son Drank and Smoked Pot!
37
Sun, 07-29-2007 - 12:39pm

I really need some advice on here. My son is 15. My son's half brother told his dad that my son took a beer out of the ice box when they were camping and drank it. In the same discussion my son also told his little brother that he had smoked pot before. He said he 'tried' pot before. The little brother was afraid that if he told on his big brother that his big brother would hate him forever. His dad promised him he would not tell my son he told me. But....his dad told me. And now I dont have a clue as to handle this. My first thought it is beat the crap out of my son! My next thought is to talk to him about this....ask him about it. But my sons dad has asked me not to let it be know that it was the little brother that told. Dads thoughts are if we let my son know that his little brother 'ratted' him out we will never get anymore info like this again. The little brther is so afraid right now that he will never be friends with his big brother again.

But here is the thing....I just can not do nothing...I need to deal with this some how.

PS...I little history about this....My son just got back in contact with his dad over 14 years. This is the first year to have spent any time with his little brother. His little brother adores my son and he is really worried that he will get mad at him if my son knows where I got all this info.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 07-29-2007 - 3:52pm

Sounds like your DS is still in the "building" part of the relationship with his other family, and I'd be very careful not to jeopardize that.

Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Sun, 07-29-2007 - 7:49pm
I agree with Rose. You don't have any first hand knowledge, so as they say, it is all hear say. But I wouldn't ignore it. I would bring up a conversation about the subject. I do this with my kids when I know something they don't realize that I know. In this case if it was K I would say to her something like " You know I heard there are a lot of kids your age drinking and smoking pot. Do you know kids who do that kind of thing? Or don't you really see it much?" I would go on to ask how she feel about it and let her know how I feel. Like Rose said, I would also let her know that I would be disappointed if I found she was doing it.
Sometimes you can get a point across without saying I know you did this. KWIM?
And although you don't want him doing these things, just because he tries them doesn't make him a horrible person. I would be very upset if I found out dd had been drinking or smoking too, but the older they all get the more chances are they will try some of the things we disapprove of. I said in another post that when they start dating we want them to date others with the same values etc. Kids that don't smoke, drink, have sex etc. But the older they get the harder it is to find ones that haven't experienced those things. K likes a boy right now who has done some things in the past that I don't approve of, but he doesn't do them any more and I really think he is a great kid.
I hope this all makes sense and helps at least a little bit.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Sun, 07-29-2007 - 10:47pm

I don't think you should out and out confront your son with a story told to you second hand from his younger brother. It would be harmful to their relationship. So, instead I would wait a little (you know, so there's no direct association) and ensure you carefully time a serious "chat". Maybe you can tell him that you were talking to an unnamed parent friend who found out her son had tried drugs and that you were shocked. And tell him that you hope that he has better sense than to get involved with drugs and alcohol. Make something up if you have to but don't involve the younger brother.

And while it is fairly common for young teens to be trying drugs and alcohol, here's the thing...you just don't know how a person will react to either one unfortunately until they've tried it. Drugs moreso than alcohol, that's for sure.

People think marijuana is harmless. And in its very pure form, the kind maybe alot of us tried in the back of the school or at a party (ahem...) it may be quite harmless. But nowadays there are alot of things that are added to joints to make them more "potent". They add crack, they add meth, they add PCP and when a joint is being passed around, you don't know what might be in it besides marijuana.

I know someone very close to me this happened to. He was passed a joint after work one day by some much younger fellow coworkers. He thought, what the heck, what's a few drags going to do (trying to recapture his youth I figure). Next thing you know he's in the hospital, having been driven there by a friend, acting all manic and paranoid and acc to the doctor this behaviour was not normal for just plain old marijuana. Eventually, after being given something, he calmed down and slept the whole thing off. But he wonders if he had gotten behind the wheel himself the way he felt, he might have killed himself or someone else! You just never know...

So have a serious discussion with your son. I know ALOT of teens try "weed" and the vast majority use it casually at a party once in a blue moon at most. But then there is that small percentage that gets hooked and find themselves spiralling into using more potent and more dangerous drugs. And the best way to ensure he doesn't end up in that percentage group is to not use at all....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2007
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 4:13pm
I think it would be best not to overreact. He did only have one beer? And smoking marijuana is harmless so you shouldn't worry about that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 5:05pm

Jenni do you have teenagers? Do you really think smoking marijuana is harmless? If so, do you and your teenagers sit around the living room after a long day and pass a few joints around? And then afterwards maybe you get in a car, stoned, and go have some ice cream to relax your munchies?

I'm being facetious and snarky here because I don't buy into the whole "pot is harmless" thing. Yeah it may be LESS harmless than heroine or crack but its not harmless. Its highly addictive and disrupts lives in many ways.

I know a young teenager in our area. She is into the whole ganja/weed smoking scene. When she wants to smoke up, she is still too young to have her own money, so she hops on a bus, "crashes" at some "older guys" apartment in the city who gives her "free weed". Do you think there really is such a thing as "free"? Doubt it. And I wonder when this young girl is going to have to pay her dues?

Her addiction to pot has had her so addled she's been violent at school, truant, failing so many courses she's been kicked out. And due to her behavioural issues no other schools will take her and she's forced to be in an "alternative schooling" program.

Not harmless by any stretch of the imagination.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 8:01pm
You are absolutely right that smoking pot is far from harmless. Just last week in the paper there was an article about an 18yo girl found guilty of driving under the influence. NOT of alcohol but of pot. She'd been driving around smoking pot all day and blew through a stop sign killing a 40-something year old mother. Does this type of thing happen often? Probably not. But any drug that impairs your thinking/judgment/etc. is not harmless. Plus as your other post said - the pot today is much different than the pot of the 60's and 70's.


Pam - Ivillage Community Leader

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Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2007
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 2:44am
Marijuana is not addictive at all. Psychologically it can be but it is not physically addictive. When I do have children also I would probably let them smoke marijuana as long as they were responsible with it. It's a substance that can and should be used responsibly and is less harmful than alcohol. I mean seriously it's harmless it can't kill you. You can't overdose on it. It's not physically addictive. I know some people can't handle it but I and many others can. I'm not proud of this but since I started using it when I was a kid I will admit that I've driven under the influence of it hundreds of times and haven't gotten pulled over, gotten into a wreck or arrested. Everyone's different I guess. But seriously it's not a demon plant I would honestly let my children use it I think it is that safe. But those who want to condemn it need to quit drinking too or else you look pretty hypocritical to me. P.S. I don't like joints I'd rather use a bong or vaporizer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 5:33am

My Dear Jenni,

I do not drink, smoke cigarettes, use pot in any form, nor do I use any other drug unless prescribed and then only as prescribed. I have not done any of those goodies for almost 30 years. Therefore my opinions on this subject lack even a tinge of hypocrisy. I also have raised kids, thirteen foster teens and my own son. I also have worked with teenagers for 35+ years and have run substance abuse recovery programs. What I am about to say, for the second time, is not my opinions, it is my experience and my extensive study on the subject.

For all the reasons you gave in your praise of marijuana, it is the most insidious of the drugs. It is powerfully psychologically addictive. That is what addiction is all about. There isn't a drug in common use that can't be physically withdrawn from in the matter of weeks. What gets people to use again is the psychological addiction. The drug fills a need that isn't being filled any other way. After physical withdrawal is over, it is the craving for psychological relief from having to deal with life on life's terms that gets people to use again.

From lots of personal experience and from observing my teenage clients over many years, marijuana is sneakily addictive. It's major effect is bliss, a very nice place to be. Unfortunately, when kids start using pot early, they never learn how to be social without it. The same goes for all drugs including alcohol. Pot also interferes with short term memory and ambition. I know I am generalizing and I am sure you are going to hold yourself up as an example of someone that excels in life and regularly uses pot. There are people who can. They are rare. The last time I posted I mentioned that most people who finally stopped using pot report, after they have had time to clear their head and look back on their using days, that they thought they were doing great in their live and their jobs but the reality was they were blissfully going no where.

As a recreational drug used by adults on occasion, like at a party, it is probably a better choice than alcohol. As an every day drug, used by teens who smoke in the way to school, during lunch and then all night, it is disaster waiting to happen. I was one of those 1960's hippies. In the '70s and '80s, I had to deal with the results of all the hippy parents that raised their kids on good organic food and good organic pot. It was disastrous, all those super smart kids regularly ditching school and wasting their lives.
I hope by the time you have kids of your own you don't condemn them to that fate.

You are very lucky to have not gotten into an accident driving while stoned. Here is a summary of the effects of pot on driving from an article in Psychology Today:

"Effects on Driving

Marijuana affects many skills required for safe driving: alertness, the ability to concentrate, coordination and reaction time. These effects can last up to 24 hours after smoking marijuana. Marijuana use can make it difficult to judge distances and react to signals and sounds on the road.

Studies show that approximately 6 to 11 percent of fatal accident victims tested positive for THC. In many of these cases, alcohol was detected as well. When users combine marijuana with alcohol, as they often do, the hazards of driving can be more severe than with either drug alone. In a study conducted by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, a moderate dose of marijuana alone was shown to impair driving performance; however, the effects of even a low dose of marijuana combined with alcohol were markedly greater than for either drug alone.

In one study conducted in Memphis, Tennessee, researchers found that out of 150 reckless drivers who were tested for drugs at an arrest scene, 33 percent tested positive for marijuana and 12 percent tested positive for both marijuana and cocaine. Data also shows that while smoking marijuana, people demonstrate the same lack of coordination on standard drunken-driver tests as people who have had too much to drink."

The entire article is a very good comprehensive summary of marijuana, it is worth reading at: http://psychologytoday.com/conditions/marijuana.html

A brief word on the legal status of pot. I think that it is time that the country recognizes that making a third of the population criminals is more than a bit crazy. It is time to treat pot like the way cigarettes are treated legally. Legalize possession for personal use. License the growers and tax the sales and restrict the sale to minors, just like cigarettes. A side benefit of doing this will be to finally allow hemp (the non-psychoactive cousin) to once again be grown for its fiber. It would quickly replace trees as the major source of pulp for paper. It has many other uses from making rope to cloth for clothing.

Jason

My website: http://TheParentsCoach.com
My parents blog: http://blog.TheParentsCoach.com       &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 6:23am

Jason,


I don't have near the experience with pot that you do, but I agree with what you have written.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 3:19pm

Bunnierose,

I absolutely agree that chronic use of pot has the results you describe in adults. The only pro-pot use comment I believe I made is that occasional use recreationally(meaning once a month at a party or event)is less of a problem than alcohol, other than its illegality, which I think in this day and age is a waste of law enforcement resources. Personally, I have been functioning quite well recreating clean and sober. There is an added benefit of being on top of everything in my environment and not at the mercy of those who are less messed up. When they were in fashion, I was the oldest raver in Los Angeles. I used to go and dance all night at those underground dance parties.

Jason

My website: http://TheParentsCoach.com
My parents blog: http://blog.TheParentsCoach.com       &nbs

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