Found out my son Drank and Smoked Pot!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Found out my son Drank and Smoked Pot!
37
Sun, 07-29-2007 - 12:39pm

I really need some advice on here. My son is 15. My son's half brother told his dad that my son took a beer out of the ice box when they were camping and drank it. In the same discussion my son also told his little brother that he had smoked pot before. He said he 'tried' pot before. The little brother was afraid that if he told on his big brother that his big brother would hate him forever. His dad promised him he would not tell my son he told me. But....his dad told me. And now I dont have a clue as to handle this. My first thought it is beat the crap out of my son! My next thought is to talk to him about this....ask him about it. But my sons dad has asked me not to let it be know that it was the little brother that told. Dads thoughts are if we let my son know that his little brother 'ratted' him out we will never get anymore info like this again. The little brther is so afraid right now that he will never be friends with his big brother again.

But here is the thing....I just can not do nothing...I need to deal with this some how.

PS...I little history about this....My son just got back in contact with his dad over 14 years. This is the first year to have spent any time with his little brother. His little brother adores my son and he is really worried that he will get mad at him if my son knows where I got all this info.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 5:20am

Todd,

You already read my story so you know that I agree with most of your factual points. It is certainly a happy addiction. This is one of the reasons why it is such an insidious drug. No one that I know ever realized just how much regular use effected their life until they stopped and looked back.

I think for this conversation to be meaningful, it is important to agree that it is not about you and your experience, but rather the general experience of most people who regularly use. I had a fraternity brother in college who graduated the top in his class and did it partying and being stoned all the time. I think he was stoned at graduation. He also had read the Encyclopedia Britannica from cover to cover (if you have never seen the printed book it is around 12"x14" and 8" thick) before he had graduated high school and could quote from it from memory. He is not the average guy and I suspect from your writing that neither are you.

As for your generation being the smokingest one, we were the first big smoking one and we said the same thing about our kids and so did the next two generations. What ends up happening is that as we get older and especially when we assume the responsibility of having and raising kids, we end up deciding in favor of being safe rather than sorry. None of us are willing to risk our kid being the one who could not use without becoming hopelessly addicted.

I am mostly in agreement about the laws. They are based on fiction not fact. Marijuana is very much less physically dangerous than cigarettes. There is no rational reason why it should be illegal if cigarettes aren't. It ought to be legal and handled like cigarettes with FDA inspection for purity. This would be a big blow for organized crime and would free a lot of space in jails for real criminals. It would be a big benefit for the U.S Treasury from the taxes on it. The other part of this silly marijuana law is that it also covers the growing of hemp which is not psychoactive and is useful for making everything from rope and clothes to paper. As a matter of fact it has been estimated that it would eliminate most of the need to cut down trees to feed the paper industry. The other silly part of the law is the Federal governments dogged insistence to forbid marijuana's use for cancer and AIDS patients even though many states have laws allowing it. Makes no sense to me and all of this legal stuff is used by many folks who would rather not face how affected their lives are by the drug and a smoke screen.

One last bit about the physical harm to the lungs. Pot is not smoked as much as cigarette. That is true. The problem I see is that it is inhaled way deeper and into areas of the lungs that cigarette smoke never gets to. It sure messed with my lungs. I ended up using water pipes.

Jason

My website: http://TheParentsCoach.com
My parents blog: http://blog.TheParentsCoach.com       &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 7:40am

Todd, come back and give me the same arguements in 20 years, after you've had teens of your own, and then I'll think about them a little more seriously.


People grow up, and their attitudes change... A good share of the late 60s and early 70s saw teens and young adults smoking pot on a regular basis, and among a certain group, casual sex was fairly common too. I was a college student in the late 70s and early 80s - drinking and driving was fairly common among our crowd, we partied a lot as did most of the kids we were in school with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 3:01am
Fair enough Jason, good points, and thanks for the compliments. For sure the smoke is held in longer and I ditched the "pieces" a long time ago. Bongs and vaporization is the best way to go. Rose, for sure people mess up who do it. You're probably right my views will change some as I get older and have my own kids. I don't plan on quitting either so I'm sure they'll figure it out eventually. And if they ever chose to do it, I certainly wouldn't freak out but I wouldn't brush it off like it were nothing. I'd want them to be responsible with it. I think it's stupid for parents to make it taboo and forbidden and keep telling government lies about marijuana. For one thing the kid will probably do it anyway if they really want to. Another thing they'll go to extreme measures to get it i.e. stealing money. Being in fear of parents also puts the kids at greater risk of being arrested because they're obviously not at home typically and will be found doing it in public wherever that may be. And as for a way to cope with my feelings. I disagree atleast with my experience. It happens when the mood is right, makes it more fun. It's not really potent enough to change my emotions. I'm sure some do but that's their choice I guess. It's already done with alcohol in many cases too. I'm a teen myself and I feel cognitively able to make the decision to do it and others should too. Alcohol and Tobacco are much more commonly seen and used by teens and bigger problems as well. I'd focus more of my time fighting those two substances rather than Marijuana.
Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Mon, 09-03-2007 - 12:37pm
I have been thinking a lot about pot use lately, as I have found that someone I hold dear uses it. He uses it for medicinal purposes, and no I'm not just making excuses here.
I think one of the big problems comes in when someone uses pot a lot and it becomes an addiction (whether psychological or physical doesn't matter) it can be likely that said person has an addictive personality. That is where the venture into other drugs comes in. My friend did just that, but luckliy he realized what was going on early into the addiction to this other drug. Now he has been clean for about 6 weeks and is doing very well.
I don't like the idea of all pot being legal, but I do understand where you are coming from on that front. I do think it should be legal for medicinal purposes.
Like I said the real problems come in when you have those people who are addictive personalities.
I think that you, Jason, from what you have told us will probably agree with that. Often addictive personalities will take the pot a bit farther and end up doing something else, be it alcohol, other drugs, over eating whatever, until they get things straightened out in their minds and lives.
Just my thoughts,
Kristie
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 09-03-2007 - 1:38pm


I think the difference is in someone like your friend, who realizes what is happening, and

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 2:12am

Water-pipes, vaporizers, hash brownies... all excellent alternatives to smoking a joint, or out of a regular pipe.

Anyway, I'm in agreement with Todd. I've been with this board on and off for about 4 years now (formerly known as Wolverine_grrl). I am now 23, graduated from college, and preparing not only for graduate school, but a wedding as well. Perhaps I'm still not "adult enough" to have my opinion, but... I smoke pot (nearly everyday), and have smoked since around age 14/15. Still don't understand "the fuss" over marijuana. The only arguments that I hear anymore are generally one of the following: (1) lung damage (which can be avoided), (2) psychological addiction (oh no! /sarcasm) and (3) the "gateway drug" theory, which is based predominately on correlation studies (i.e. X% of heroin addicts smoked marijuana prior to trying heroin). The problem, of course, is that correlation studies cannot and do not determine cause and effect. There is absolutely NO substantial evidence that one "leads" to another.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 3:14am

I should think that college grad, almost married and on the way to grad school would more than qualify you as being qualified to have an adult opinion.

As to your list of arguments, the lung damage one can be avoided by doing as Todd suggested and use bongs, etc. My way when I was using was to either use bongs or smoke hashish which was way more potent and three tokes and I was in never, never land. As for the psychological addiction, I can only report my experience having worked with literally thousands of teens over the last 35 years. The majority of those who were regular users had problems stopping when they decided to stop. Only when they tried to stop did they realize just how much they relied on being stoned to deal with social situations and the like, plus how much more productive they were at accomplishing their dreams after they stopped. I can absolutely point out people who I have known who did quite well for themselves even though they smoked a lot. As the popular OTC drug ad says, "Individual experience may vary."

The gateway drug theory is a good example of how statistics can be used to justify anything. It is silly at its best. It was arrived at by honest folks who unfortunately asked the wrong people the wrong question. If you ask hope-to-die dope fiends if they started out smoke pot, the answer is probably yes as would be the answer to did they start out drinking booze. All that says is that for them, it was their first drug.

If they really wanted to know the true answer they would have had to follow a huge sample of pot smokers for ten years and see how they turned out. That would give a much truer picture of what the progression, if any, was. My opinion is that to concentrate on drug of choice instead of what role whatever a person's choice of goodies is playing in his/her life is missing the point. If people are using anything to a degree that their lives are becoming unmanageable and they realize that they can't stop on their own, then there is a problem that could be called an addiction. I include all the non-drug/alcohol type of addictions in that definition; food, gambling, work, excessive working out, etc.

Jason

PS: Congratulations on the graduation and the engagement!

My website: http://TheParentsCoach.com
My parents blog: http://blog.TheParentsCoach.com       &nbs

Pages