Found pot...now what do I do?
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| Sun, 06-25-2006 - 1:02pm |
This morning I found a small cellophane self seal bag with a very small amount of some dried brown leaves which smells like tobacco. I was a VERY square teenager. I only smoked once and that was 30 years ago!!! I know what pot smells like when it is being smoked but not before. Does it usually smell like tobacco? But, I also know that pot is mixed with tobacco to be smoked. I am almost positive that is what this is.
I have spoken to my daughter over the years and repeatedly about drugs. I don't think this is hers but I am not deluding myself. It could well be. She and her boyfriend were on the sofa watching TV the other night. I found the bag between the cushions the next morning. Obviously it fell out of one of their pockets.
I am trying to remain calm and I have not yet spoken to my daughter about this. My first instinct is to forbid them to see each other again but I know the explosion that will cause. I realize I am very square. I realize kids smoke pot. They may have tried it only once. They may do it all the time. I don't want to totally freak out on her because I know her sooooo well. She will throw up a defensive wall and I will never get back in.
I have been reading these boards a long time. You guys usually give great advise. Help?
Thankx

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Well, if it's brown and smells like tobacco, I wouldn't assume it's pot. You could always burn some and see how it smells.
Good luck, (and I hope it's not pot)
zz
I actually never thought of that but, honestly, there is so little of it I don't think there's enough to test and still have any to confront her with. What else could it be??
I have been sitting here all afternoon turning it over in my head while she's at work.
Today was her first day at her very first job and I didn't want to spoil it with this discussion. She's off for the next couple of days so I guess I'll talk to her tonight. But I do think I am going to keep her and her boyfriend apart, at least until I figure out what's going on. I also am trying to decide if I should show the stuff to his mother but I'm holding off until I can try to figure out what it is and what's going on. As I said earlier, I'm not deluding myself into thinking it could only be him.
Does her boyfriend smoke tobacco? My DH used to roll his own cause they were cheaper and it came in a sealable plastic bag. And so did many of his friends.
I don't know that keeping them apart would keep her from smoking pot, if she is already smoking it, and could even make things worse.
Is there anyone you know that could take a look and maybe get a better idea of what it is?
Sorry I can't be more help....
zz
Ahhhh, that changes things considerably. Whatever it is, I betcha it's something they're not supposed to have.
I've not seen anyone carry pot in such a small bag, but I've heard that up north it's done because it's so expensive. Down here in Texas no one buys such a small amount cause it's so cheap. Are you from up north, do you mind me asking?
And BTW, my son's 17 and smokes pot.... I hope not too regularly. It's legal for him to leave and he got his own rent free place and works and goes to school. I worry all the time about him smoking pot and drinking.
So hang in there and maybe we can find out the mystery! I had heard that sometimes people mix it with tobacco. I have no idea why.
You found it down in the cushions, correct? When is the last time you checked that spot? Could it have possibly been left by someone else?
Just wondering. Even if what's left in the bag is tobacco, and it's not enough for a cigarette, something's wrong. When you talk to her, I'd act like you know for sure it's pot, or pot mixed with tobacco. If you give her that little hole where she knows you don't know for sure.. then you might never find out the truth. It may seem dishonest, but it's worked for my son a few times and he blurted out the truth (he often lies).
Hang in there,
zz
It does sound like it's probably pot or some type of drug.
Well, I smoked daily until I got pregnant at almost 30 years old. So I know a little about it.
From what I understand, it sells by the gram in your state, and those little bags like you described are used. Of course, it's been a few years since I visited my wilder friends up north.... but I doubt things have changed that much.
When I was caught numerous times as a teen, no amount of yelling, grounding, taking away priviledges..... absolutely nothing stopped me. If anything I became more determined. And everytime they told me I couldn't see a particular friend, male or female, I DEFINITELY went out of my way to do so. They were often right about that person, but I had to realize that myself and walk away on my own.
I hope your weather is better up there than the way we're melting down here!
zz
I spoke to her. This is how I started:
Tell me if what I say is logical. The odds that all of your friends are clean are very small. She agreed. The odds that someone will or already have offered you something are very high. She said it has happened. Whether I think she has tried something depends on how much I trust her and her judgement. Highly, on both. She thanked me for that and said she has not tried anything. I said I believed her but I wanted to know (held out my hand) how THIS got in my house. She did not hesitate to tell me.
It is pot and it did belong to her boyfriend. This is what she told me: She has been aware that he smokes for quite some time. She does not approve but does not feel she has the right to tell him what he can and can not do. He offered her some when she first found out but she turned him down telling him "I'm just not into that". He did not push her at all and since then does not smoke in her presence because he knows she doesn't like it. His mother is aware that he smokes.
We had a long talk and, surprisingly, I did not over react like a usually do. I told her I wanted credit for that . I told her that the presence of pot or any illegal substance in my house was unacceptable and I never want to see it in my house again, I don't care who it belongs to. She and her boyfriend are not forbidden to see each other but for the time being it will be supervised to the best of our ability. I do trust my daughter but I also am not nieve (sp?).
It actually went pretty well. Her father and I did not yell and neither did she. She actually confired something for me that I had suspected for some time. She had a girlfriend she was best friends with since like 3rd grade. In the last few months they have grown apart and do not speak any longer. This bothered me for some time as I am extremely fond of this other girl. My daughter wouldn't tell me what happened between them but did say that her ex-friend was hanging out with a new group of friends that my daughter didn't want to hang with. She told me today that was true but the real reason is that her friend has gotten into a lot drugs with her new friends and my daughter didn't want any part of it and that's why they are not friends any more. I told her she made a wise and very mature decision.
I also told her that if she sees her boyfriends pot smoking escalated to anything more dangerour or if he smokes to the exclusion of all else like her ex-friends did, I expect her to make the same decision although I know how hard it will be to do it. I will not belittle her feelings for this boy because they are only 16. I know how much it will hurt her if she needs to break off with him but it will need to be done. She said if she saw him donig anything else she would step in and, her right or not, will tell him he has to stop or she won't see him anymore.
She also says he is the nicest boy she has ever gone out with. She says he treats her with respect and does "all the little things" to show her he cares about her. She repeated again how he won't smoke in front of her because he knows she doesn't like it as some proof that he respects her feelings and values.
I suppose she could be telling me just want I want to hear but I don't think so. I hope I'm not putting my trust where I shouldn't. So far, I have never found her to lie to me about anything important, especially anything that could be potentially life threating.
Anyway, hopefully that will be the end of it. Does this crap ever end?!?!?!?
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