Found pot...now what do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Found pot...now what do I do?
15
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 1:02pm

This morning I found a small cellophane self seal bag with a very small amount of some dried brown leaves which smells like tobacco. I was a VERY square teenager. I only smoked once and that was 30 years ago!!! I know what pot smells like when it is being smoked but not before. Does it usually smell like tobacco? But, I also know that pot is mixed with tobacco to be smoked. I am almost positive that is what this is.

I have spoken to my daughter over the years and repeatedly about drugs. I don't think this is hers but I am not deluding myself. It could well be. She and her boyfriend were on the sofa watching TV the other night. I found the bag between the cushions the next morning. Obviously it fell out of one of their pockets.

I am trying to remain calm and I have not yet spoken to my daughter about this. My first instinct is to forbid them to see each other again but I know the explosion that will cause. I realize I am very square. I realize kids smoke pot. They may have tried it only once. They may do it all the time. I don't want to totally freak out on her because I know her sooooo well. She will throw up a defensive wall and I will never get back in.

I have been reading these boards a long time. You guys usually give great advise. Help?

Thankx

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 8:22pm

Yay! You stayed sane! Cause I know how hard it is sometimes!

In your situation, I would have trusted that she's telling the truth also. You did good, mom!

zz

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 9:15am
Neither one of them drive yet although her father did tell her a couple of weeks ago that he would allow her to get her permit soon. I did reiterate that getting in the car with ANYONE who is impared in any way is a monumentally bad idea. I reminded her that if she ever feels uncomfortable getting into someone's car she is to call me, no matter where she is or what time it is and I will come and get her. I hate picking kids up in far away places at night but I hate the thought of something happening to her a billion/trillion/zillion times more. I WILL COME!!!! Don't let anyone talk you into getting in that car ...."oh come on...it'll be ok..." type of thing!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 9:17am

Thanks Cat! It's not really like me to remain calm. I tend to fly off the handle more than I should so I am kinda proud of myself. Her father wanted to forbid her from seeing him again but agreed with me, after he saw how well the conversation went, that the supervision aspect was ok for now.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 10:15am

{{clapping hands}}}} for you! It sounds like you were ALL able to speak your mind without closing the door of communication - that's HUGE and you are to be commended!

I think it's great that your dd is able to put up healthy boundaries for herself as so many girls in love (and likely boys as well) have a hard time with that. My dd's are able to do that most of the time and they too tell me just about everything.

About 2 years ago I found a tin in my then 16dd's room. I opened it and it distinctly smelled like pot (I smoked it as a teen, so I'm fairly familiar with the smell). When dd came home I said, "I found a tin in your room that smells of pot". Without missing a beat she said, "yup - there was pot in it = the gum tin, right?" I was so surprised by her candor and we continued to have a nice open discussion about it. The kids that she had been separating herself from (Like your dd) had all started smoking pot and she tried a couple of times. She said she didn't like the way it made her feel and she hasn't smoked it since. She also told me, voluntarily, that her BF smoked it to help with his ADHD. Bwaaahaaahaaa...I really cracked up at that. She said he doesn't smoke it anymore, but that when he hangs with this one kid he does and dd isn't with him then. He knows she disapproves and rarely, if ever, smokes it anymore. Both my dd's are simply not that interested in it...we've had lots of conversations about it over the years and I guess there is just no mystery left. I don't know and I don't care - I'm just glad they aren't into it like many other kids in our town!!

Kudos to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 11:21am

I was surprised by my daughter's candor too but her's came just a bit slower than your daughter's did. When I first held out the bag and asked "how did THIS get into my house" she looked at it and said "what is it?" I told her it looks like pot to me. She held it up and said "oh, I don't know, looks like dirt". "Dirt doesn't smell like that" I said, "who does this belong to? Is it yours?" When she didn't answer right away, I just asked her bluntly, "do you smoke pot?". She said No. "Does your BF smoke?" She hesitated a moment than said Yes. "So it is his?" She said Yes

Once she realized I wasn't freaking out, she was much more candid and the conversation progressed very well. I know she was a surprised as I was that I WASN'T freaking out, like I have said, I have been know to explode on occasion.

Later, her father and I were lying in bed and we both heaved a sigh of relief that it had gone as well as it had. I think we were both envisioning a bad outcome. Thank God it wasn't.

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