Found something ugly while snooping
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| Wed, 03-22-2006 - 11:37am |
I went through my dd 15's text messages this morning while she was in the shower and there was a text from a boy asking her to perform a sexual favor for him after school the next day. She said nah, I've got track. She also has a boyfriend and this was not him. I'm glad she said no but the way she said it was like she was not offended by him asking this or possibly this has happened before.
I've snooped before and found things I didn't like and confronted her about it. I don't know whether to leave it alone since she said no or confront her about this too. I feel like the only way I know anything is by snooping and I don't want to cut off all my resources. Obviously she'll just be more deligent about erasing her text messages if I confront her.
What do you think?

I personally would let this go b/c you don't know the full story behind the message. Yes, it was inappropriate but there may have some innocent joke behind it that you are not aware of. Combine that with the fact that DD said no, I would leave it be but keep a watchful eye.
Good Luck!
I've encountered this with my 16dd when she used to have access to the internet and AIM and I confronted it everytime - I would tell her that I accidentally saw it or opened it or whatever. I'd figure out something to say, without making it seem like I was snooping. I really never snooped until I found the first IM that she saved that contained just basic rude talk about sex and what she was wearing and whether or not she'd show the guy her thong panties or something like that.
We've always had VERY open discussions about sex, boys, thier bodies, etc., and I think it's especially important for girls who are developing and navigating through thier opposite sex relationships/interactions to know how important it is to respect thier bodies and protect themselves from being used.
I think that this finding of your dd's has provided an opportunity to discuss with her how demeaning and harmful casual sex can be. By the way you post about it, it DOES sound like a very casual answer to me also, especially considering she has a BF. Why wasn't she more offended or surprised or angry by this other boy's request. And if she can so casually discuss giving or getting sexual favors with a boy who ISN'T her BF, what is she discussing or doing with her actual BF??
I think that 'letting it go' is like hiding your head in the sand, personally. Of course, keeping a closer eye is a great idea, but you can't follow her around 24/7 - she needs to know your feelings about these issues BEFORE something happens or before she finds herself in difficult or dangerous situation.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Yes! I agree, I do some snooping now and then even though we have a pretty open relationship. Whever I see anything that worries me I bring it up in a casual way, as was mentioned, saw it on Oprah or read an article or whatever. My daughter has not once thought I was snooping but it has opened up communication about things she didn't plan on telling me. I think it's a bad idea to let them know you are snooping. I know some people think it's wrong to snoop, but if I had done it a long time ago, I think we would be in less of a mess than we are now. I also think it's a bad idea to let it go, just use the oprah excuse and even if she doesn't admit what was said, she will hear what you have to say about it.
Good luck!