I know what you mean about getting involved with a group of kids who aren't bad, but just dumb. DS18 did it his jr/sr years, too. Although I considered getting a breathalyzer, I never actually did it; the drug test I did do once. Knowing we are ready to test them, I do think they're a little more careful.
I'd have your DD pay for the shirt that was shoplifted. Perhaps talk to the store manager first and explain what happened; that she didn't shoplift herself but accepted the shirt she knew had been stolen. I don't think they'd press charges if someone comes forth and offers to pay for the item, especially if it was a low-priced one.
It's good your DD is in counseling. Discussing these things with someone else will give her a different perspective, and we know our kids need to hear things a zillion different ways before common sense sinks in.
that happned to me to make a very long story short, we had a girl live with us for about a year, she was kaylas friend, her parents kicked her out, now i have 5 kids of my own and on disablity., anyways i thought it was the right thing to do no kid shoulsd be homeless i got her into school got her a babysitting job, i watch the little gil till heather got home and then she watched the rest, she was supoose to be paying me the 50 but never did, iwas stupid and so was the other mothe, then i found out well kayla made an off the mark statement the heather stoled from walmarts. i did not believe it, then my husband meds were missing adderal and pain meds, then just before i told her she had to leave i found out that she got arrested at cvs for stealing and called my brother. i watch my kids very closly and kayla and i are very close, but those kind of kids are good she was living in my house doing this and i never cought on. if i wee you from exoerience i would not let your daughter hang out with her, it is only gonna lead to worse things i was lucky tha i found out when i did or it could have ben alt worse.
That sounds like a good idea--making a list of misdeeds and having our kids help us decide on what the consequences should be. What makes it hard it that we all think we've talked plenty and forewarned them about the dangers and legal consequences, so that they would never even THINK of doing anything wrong. We think we've done a fine job raising our kids and that we don't need such a list. But as many of us discover, that's not the case. All our talking is never enough. And a list of consequences like you suggest is just one more thing we can try to help the message sink in.
Last fall, on the Parents of College Students board, I started a discussion about a contract for college students. Many parents thought it was a dumb idea--they're adults and if we can't trust them we shouldn't be sending them off to college or paying for their education. But I think it can't hurt. Periodically I email DS18 a copy to refresh his memory.
Pages
I know what you mean about getting involved with a group of kids who aren't bad, but just dumb. DS18 did it his jr/sr years, too. Although I considered getting a breathalyzer, I never actually did it; the drug test I did do once. Knowing we are ready to test them, I do think they're a little more careful.
I'd have your DD pay for the shirt that was shoplifted. Perhaps talk to the store manager first and explain what happened; that she didn't shoplift herself but accepted the shirt she knew had been stolen. I don't think they'd press charges if someone comes forth and offers to pay for the item, especially if it was a low-priced one.
It's good your DD is in counseling. Discussing these things with someone else will give her a different perspective, and we know our kids need to hear things a zillion different ways before common sense sinks in.
-----------------------------------------------
http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
gbhnjmkl
Edited 2/19/2008 5:53 pm ET by kel7col4
I don't really have any good advice.
dfghj
Edited 2/19/2008 5:53 pm ET by kel7col4
that happned to me to make a very long story short, we had a girl live with us for about a year, she was kaylas friend, her parents kicked her out, now i have 5 kids of my own and on disablity., anyways i thought it was the right thing to do no kid shoulsd be homeless i got her into school got her a babysitting job, i watch the little gil till heather got home and then she watched the rest, she was supoose to be paying me the 50 but never did, iwas stupid and so was the other mothe, then i found out well kayla made an off the mark statement the heather stoled from walmarts. i did not believe it, then my husband meds were missing adderal and pain meds, then just before i told her she had to leave i found out that she got arrested at cvs for stealing and called my brother. i watch my kids very closly and kayla and i are very close, but those kind of kids are good she was living in my house doing this and i never cought on. if i wee you from exoerience i would not let your daughter hang out with her, it is only gonna lead to worse things i was lucky tha i found out when i did or it could have ben alt worse.
shannon
shannon
shannon
I don't have anything to give you but my sympathy and support.
fghj
Edited 2/19/2008 5:54 pm ET by kel7col4
Hey Kim, on going to the mall...
That sounds like a good idea--making a list of misdeeds and having our kids help us decide on what the consequences should be. What makes it hard it that we all think we've talked plenty and forewarned them about the dangers and legal consequences, so that they would never even THINK of doing anything wrong. We think we've done a fine job raising our kids and that we don't need such a list. But as many of us discover, that's not the case. All our talking is never enough. And a list of consequences like you suggest is just one more thing we can try to help the message sink in.
Last fall, on the Parents of College Students board, I started a discussion about a contract for college students. Many parents thought it was a dumb idea--they're adults and if we can't trust them we shouldn't be sending them off to college or paying for their education. But I think it can't hurt. Periodically I email DS18 a copy to refresh his memory.
-----------------------------------------------
http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
For each of us the list could be different...
Pages